Monday, February 20, 2012

Where my writing tends to reside

phew... I'm just like a bundle of nerves right now... between so many things that it's crazy.
You know things are really bad when you've got a few things stressing you out at the same time...

Apparently :-? there has been "suspicious activity" on my gmail account to where I had to go through some crap just to get in and I had to, yet again, come up with a new password.
I have used the same password my whole life and it seems like every account I have, I either have to change it completely or modify it... I know it's probably the work of some hackers, so this next sentence is void:
How the hell do these people keep guessing my password? It is a MADE-UP WORD... my very first book series, it was a big part of that... how in the world is this possible?

One word just isn't enough anymore. You need letters, sometimes number, sometimes symbols...

I kinda operate on two different tracks. When it comes to one of those tracks, I use a different password for everything relating to that. But with everything to do my regular, everyday stuff, I'd used the same password for my whole life. Except that my AOL account, all of ours, got hacked... so we had to change the password to something... not nearly as cool as what I had before, but you know...

every now and then, it might just be a good measure to change my password every 6 months... hopefully that'll throw some people off... at least there won't be enough "suspicious activity" to speak of because it doesn't get hacked into as often.
Not sure why that would be... I have nothing for anyone to really use... so it's like every time I sign in, I'm gonna be paranoid that I'll have to reset my password again. PAIN in the butt...

I'm waiting two very important phone calls... one of the two, I might not necessarily get... but if I do... it would be the greatest thing since the mere act of initiating this long-distance friendship with the person calling... I guess I could disclose some details here.
Prince is kind of a big part of the title of this entry :-P

As it is with so many things in my life, I get into things pretty slowly and only when I feel "the waters are safe" or whatever it is... the timing being right... I go head first into things. I tend to do that a lot ;)

My writing as of late has kinda been cautious like that... I never know if an idea is going to work out because they'd come and gone so quickly. Only when I have enough information is it when I start writing.

Quickly, before I forget... the main phone call I'm expecting... response actually... something about a possible end to this seemingly endless period of nothingness... that is according to my family. But how I do really explain, unless I have some way of taking initiative, that writing is my life and its what I'm going to do with myself? Not making any money off it now because I'm doing all this blogging for my own benefit :shrug:

I'm more nervous about that and rightfully so... I have no way of predicting what's on the other side for me. She could easily say "haven't made my decision yet" or "we've chosen someone else" or "we'd been trying to contact you to tell you got it"... apparently our phones are kinda messy at the moment. It rang a number of times on Friday... like 5 times but with nothing on the other side... so there might be something wrong with one of our phones... again... we went through this issue before and Verizon had to come here to fix the issue (or was it our cable/internet provider?)

I thought writing could help get my mind off things, but talking about it, I'm getting to be kind of a wreck. The unknown can be a scary thing sometimes... and for me, that sometimes comes up quite a bit :-P

I think what has me the most nervous is the possibility of getting it and contempelating when I can start... do I say tomorrow, Wednesday... or next week? Will I be able to negotiate a starting date? Or will they need someone ASAP?

I'm definitely going to need an extra 24-48 hours to prepare... and now I'm down to 5+ minutes to go.

Anyway, discussing that other call I might be expecting will help take my mind off things if only for a little bit.

I can't quite explain why I waited so long... I mean with Robert Downey Jr. recently, I was a fan of his already... going back to 2009 when I found out who he is after seeing "Tropic Thunder"... I didn't want to really go out of my way to check into his other movies aside from the ones that weren't released yet. Plus I kinda wanted to remember him as he was at present, not going back to the 80's.
Watching "Less than Zero" kinda changed everything :-? for better and worse, but mostly for better... I'm being more brutually honest with myself as a result of all this, but that kinda makes me miserable when I do it too often.
His checkered history, which intensified rather than slackened after doing that movie, was something I couldn't leave alone. I had to make sure that nothing got uber serious... and I'm talking more serious than getting arrested, put in rehab or spending time in the same prison as Charles Manson (different yard, though, never saw him)... get what I mean?

Why does it seem like a lot of the people I let into my life... both actors and musicians... they're all kinda weirdos?
I mean, I think of myself as a weirdo a little bit... so I guess that makes total sense that I'd feel a connection with some of them... and yeah, of course people like Prince and Lady Gaga... two examples... make Robert appear normal... and actually he really is... he just plays a lot of weird roles... a few... noted more for his weird roles, at least before "Iron-Man" came along...

any minute now.... BOY am I nervous :-P
talking about Robert used to take the edge off, just a little ;) he's good for stuff like that.
all in all, he makes me feel happy... which is a big thing for me right now... or rather has been for the past year or so

Prince seemed like a really long, dragged out process... "Purple Rain"... seeing maybe 10 minutes of it, the only that really stuck in my subconscious for a number of years... turned me onto the idea that he was unlike anyone I'd known before... a Neo-Mozart if you will 8-) I'd had that in my subconscious for quite some time and every now and then, I wanted to rent the movie to see it all the way through but I never got around to it... there was never a good time
Him doing the SuperBowl HalfTime seemed like the perfect excuse... saw him perform a bit... not to mention this dream I had where I was in line to get tickets to see him... the morning of no less... that's kind of a sign if you ask me...

so I did... watched whatever music videos I could find, joined a messageboard to see what people were saying about him because if anything else, they were the people that would know him in the way I wanted to get to know him. That was a good 6 months.. 9 months... before everything kinda went south and nearly everyone had turned against him... something about him blocking YouTube videos or anything relating to him cuz he thought he was copyright infringement, never really got the full story... but I'd gotten all I could from that place and kinda stopped going every day... it was like a regiment, lol

I started a blog about him maybe 2 months into it... April of '07... because just answering threads or starting them wasn't enough for me... I wanted feedback right away and wasn't getting it... plus I didn't think everyone wanted to read through my massive messages just to see what I was talking about.
If anything, blogging was good for all the stuff I had stored up in my head about him. And if at all possible, I tried to keep things positive.

amidst all the negativity that started coming from there, I did get some good stuff out of it. People were kind enough to send me some of his music, including some stuff that was to be kept hush-hush (its a well-known fact that some untrustworthy people at Paisley Park and his other studio were sneaking out tapes of his music and sending it to their friends... and a little something called the Internet made matters a bit worse... but that'd been going on for years, so it's not necessarily why he started cracking down as he did)
I made a couple friends, but only keep in touch with one of them.
He replied to an entry I posted after seeing all of Purple Rain the first time... and also emailed me, saying how much he appreciated and "got" the stuff I wrote about him... so it started building... now it's almost like we'd... well we had known each other for years... 5 years next month, in fact. The fact our friendship is based on more than just our love of Prince's music... that's saying a lot

I can feel it, any second now... I'd hate to be in the middle of a sentence and BAM, lol

One big thing that has been in discussion for as many years as it's been a topic. The whole matter of whether or not Prince's touring band The Revolution will ever get back together... all under the same roof with him at the forefront of the pack. One way or another, between a number of things in the mid-80's, there was a falling out and he disbanded the group, starting from scratch. Since then, a number of things has delayed the reunion... including a little something called pride, his to be specific...

last year around this time, their drummer Bobby Z had a really bad heart attack, but fought back from it. They put together this reunion to raise heart health awareness and of course money for charity... seemed like the perfect occasion.
Just last night, my friend went to that concert... and if something extra special happens, he'll call to let me know ;) that would be something, wouldn't it? I mean with him, it'd been a life-long goal... been listening to him since he was at least 3 :-P his sister turned him on to him... so we're talking roughly 20+ odd years...

okay, it's been 15 minutes already... just put me out of my misery

I do have my phone out of its case so when it lights up, I'll know. but it's not as if I'm staring blankly at it, waiting for it to ring... willing it to ring with some telepathetic powers I so do not have :-P

My blog did originally start as a Prince blog. I started accumulating music and I dunno... I just had to write about it, my thoughts and feelings, my likes and dislikes (likes outnumber dislikes about 85/15)... then stuff started accumulating. And you know, I could one day write a book about all this... and I have had the intention of doing so. Just a number of things called reality and lack of interest have delayed me. Plus it's a huge commitment with a lot of information.
More or less, it's going to be a book (my friend will co-author some of it) about Prince's music, doing justice to it, explaining it and hopefully through it, more people will see how accessible he can be and also that his career didn't stop in the 80's like so many other people

There are so many misconceptions with him that it's crazy. There's the obvious question of whether he's straight or gay... a man who's been with that many women and married twice... c'mon, it's not that difficult. Plus part of the reason it took a while longer for him to get back in a good place with Lisa & Wendy was because they were gay (and apparently they were in a relationship at some point as well) and he is anti-gay marriage as well...

There are other things that aren't as easy to supplement. Back in the day, his music was pretty controversial cuz it touched on really sensitive topics like sex, religion and politics (mostly sex), so people didn't really know what to make of him.
For a number of reasons, people think he's a freak or just so eccentric that they kinda dismiss him about. He's almost as hard to bring in discussion as are those subjects he writes about. I know in my family, there are a number of people who don't get him, think he's weird.

To a degree, that is true, but I think I'd done enough decoding where, you know, as hard as it is to comprehend, I don't really see him that way. He's a bit out there sometimes, but things seem less threatening and more approachable after you learn more about it.
I'd gone through that period myself, in the very beginning, when I wanted to stick to the music that wasn't as controversial. I didn't want to really listen to anything where he was openly discussing sexuality or his language was more than a little explicit. Some of the people on that site thought I was crazy that I'm naive about all this stuff, yet I want to listen to him.
I learned pretty early on... if not 24/48 hours after, that I had to find my own way through his massive amount of work rather than listening to everyone else saying I'll never be able to manage it.

As a testament to how far I'd come, "Darling Nikki" has become a guilty pleasure of mine... and that song was such a hot topic when the album came out that the parental advisory stickers became part of regulation... also it was a song that I was very terrified to hear for the first time when I saw the movie. I knew how controversial it was and I was literally bracing myself.

After a number of viewings, :sigh: ... I guess I desensitized myself to it... or just the whole thing I was saying earlier... if you investigate into something long enough, it's not nearly as terrifying as you thought it was going to be.

now it's been 30 minutes...

I guess by now, one would kinda get the answer to my question...
there was a period of time, like the past 2-3 years or so... between the real world and the fact I'd overdone things, I stopped listening to him and really had no desire to. Plus on my blog I'd run out of things to talk about that I hadn't already gone into

So when I found less things to discuss regarding time, I turned to other sources of discussion... in 2010, I became such a movie junkie (well, then I had a car so I could head to the theater whenever I pleased without having to really ask to go, lol) that I started reviewing the movies I saw.
Then with last year.. you can kinda decipher who I loved writing about then too ;) good times, but I'll try to cut down on that. It's not nearly as the same when I wouldn't come near stuff with a 20 foot pole. I guess now, I kinda know my limits :-?

I guess that kinda goes to explain why I hadn't spend nearly as much time writing on this blog or anything else for that matter. Maybe I should just make it a weekly regiment, rather than something I do whenever inspiration hits.

Between a number of things, I'd slowly started to start blogging about Prince again. And it kinda... well, not kinda... this is true... writing about other people provides me interest for me than my own stories, the stuff that I really ought to pay attention to if I want to make a living as a writer

Although I could technically self-publish that book on Prince, whenever I get around to working on it or getting close to finishing it, and get a small fortune of that... and I doubt I'll make much more than maybe $500, lol
self-publishing is the only way I'll be able to go on that cuz there's no way any publishing house will be interested in such a vast subject. I doubt I'd be able to sell myself as well as I could

40 minutes...

okay, I think what I'll do... I think I'd more or less explained myself.

I am stressing out so much that I'm barely breathing and I'm feeling very tight around my chest and waist... so I think I'll lay down for a while just to cool off a bit.
If all goes well, I'll get the call not a minute later and perhaps this whole thing can finally be over.

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