Tuesday, December 25, 2012

"Enchanted" by a daydream


One of the gifts I asked for this year was Taylor Swift's "Wonderstruck" perfume.
It happens to be a lyric from one of my favorite songs from her Speak Now album.

I don't know how to really describe perfumes cuz I'm not into it myself. Not much of a girly-girl. But it is light, somewhat floral and just has a gorgeous scent.
I wouldn't go as far to say it fits my idea of what the name of it all means, but Taylor was the one who wrote it and knows the true meaning behind it, etc. etc.

Supposedly she wrote it for the lead singer of the band Owl City, Adam Young, and once that came out in the press, he supposedly wrote his own version of it, but instead of it being more country, it was more... I guess I could just say it sounds like it's closer to their song "Fireflies"

Which I have not heard in quite some time, radio stopped playing it over a year ago.

Moving on...

Being the romantic I am, Taylor Swift feels like one of those kindred spirits I have in music. Picking all the right words to describe a relatable situation... that is a real gift that I enjoy each time I take part in it, listening to her albums and such.

With each album, I feel like she gets more mature with what she sings about, but the artistry of the music gets better each time as well. Like the central melodies for my favorite songs from that album, "Sparks Fly" and "Enchanted" sweep me off my feet because they literally sing to me.

Downside:
As great as those songs are from all angles, I have trouble figuring out the story in my own head  that I can put to the music.

I hope that they will go on to describe relationships I have in the future. Being enchanted by someone new, wanting to get to know them and that fear of the feelings not be reciporated. And being in a whirlwind relationship where all of the alarms are going off in your head, it goes against all your instincts, but as the title suggests, there's a spark there that makes it a powerful set of emotions you can't ignore.

And I'm just rattling this off the top of my head NOW. 
I love finding my own meaning in different songs (unless it's something by Prince, in which case, I try to figure out his original vision for it... I try to take myself out of the equation where I'm nothing more than an observer)

It isn't just the fact I haven't been in love or really haven't been in a legit relationship where there was a mutual attraction and all that. Usually when I listen to something, I have a certain person in mind for each occasion... some of which happen to be celebrity crushes and all that.

I find it difficult to really put anyone to fit those descriptions. Even with Mr. Downey where I'd been to the moon and back, have my own soundtrack (practically), he'd been different things to me at different times last year, but it feels forced trying to get him into the mix with these songs that I feel like I know pretty well, that know me pretty well.

Now that I think about it, "Sparks Fly" mentions someone with green eyes... the only crush I ever had that fit that description was Jesse McCartney and we're going back quite a ways.

When it comes to "Enchanted," the title fits the way I feel about the song itself. It feels like the fairytale beginning of "Love Story"... hitting it off with someone new, something too magical that you can't believe it can exist in real life. The entire song feels epic to me in that certain way where it screams a fairy tale relationship that you're so in awe of that you're almost afraid to seize it... and equally anagonized by the idea of not acting at all.

I see a huge estate. Parties are held regularly outside on the lawn. An evening outdoor gala where everyone from this rich neighborhood gets together, looking their best and all that.
Then you see someone in the crowd that you never met before.

Insecurity exists in the profiles of a lot of my protagonists and their deepest motivation is to break out of that insecurity and finding comfort in one's self. This came together coming into the  first chorus, when I fell into the shoes of the protagonist in the song. My personal touch is that when it comes to parties and social events, even around family (who I see pretty frequently as it is), I don't feel confident getting into conversations. I don't like to hang around because I feel like I have nothing to contribute to the discussion. Socially handicapped is a way I could describe it, the biggest thing holding me back from a life I could really seize and live.
At the same time, I consider that (via the philosophy of another of my female singer/songwriter role models) God created me in this mold, that I am shy and reserved as is... and it has to be for a reason. Otherwise I would have been born with a stronger drive to break out and succeed. 
Just in a general sense.

I entered the song, thinking of it being from my POV. I'm at this evening party where everyone looks amazing and I'm dressed up nice too. But I don't feel like keeping up with conversations in the crowd. Then he shows up, talks me out of this funk and I feel better... like he was the one person meant to make me feel strong enough to break away from old habits.

Cut to the 2nd verse: 
After the party, there's pacing in the bedroom after being unable to sleep that night... wondering about him.
I made another leap... where the pacing begins a dream sequence... and it includes this guy showing up at my door, taking me into a magical place that can only exist in a dream, waltzing with the same choreography (which is becoming clearer in my head, but cuz I'm not trained in ballroom or dance in general, I couldn't explain all the moves and such).

Could be tossing and turning going into the final chorus... waking up and singing the line "I was enchanted to meet you"... the rest comes in flashbacks...
then when I'm about to roll on my other side and turn off the light, the doorbell rings or there's a knock on the door and he's there... whoever he is, he shows up after all...

Originally I was thinking that, yeah, this has to end without resolution because that's kinda how the song goes. But since I'm breaking the rest of the rules anyway, why not?

I remember listening through the album a couple years ago... and it was on our way to Christmas with one of my aunts... it might have been the first time I really heard the song for what it was, a fairytale fantasy springing to life...
and there has been a handful of a times where I'd get so wrapped up in the beauty of the song that I start to cry... just impossible not to get swept up in the moment and that's pretty much all it is.

Tonight, I started to get choked up in the last 30 seconds because it was coming to the end... and just maybe, it snuck up on me ;)

Still kinda putting together how this song plays in my head, the scenes that comes to mind, who the leading man is... I might not know that until I meet him for the first time... but this is at least something.

Merry Christmas, everybody

Friday, December 14, 2012

Going Gaga- "living as free as my Hair"

This was a song from her Born this Way album that I can sometimes relate to.
It's about the desire to be free to make your own choices, being yourself and hoping that that's enough to attract other people to you, make them want to desire your friendship & company, etc.

She performed it as part of a GMA concert appearance promoting the album and it took on a different meaning entirely because it was all from a piano. Those tend to be her more intimate performances, the more personal ones. 
A lot of people know her for having those wigs and they come in varieties and all that. My favorite look she ever had was on an interview with "The View" and I think she might have even called it her "Cruella de Ville" look because she had the two-tone going on with the black and white. 

Lady Gaga appears on The View on May 23, 2011, the day her Born This Way album was released. - Provided courtesy of ABC

Unfortunately this was the best I could find on Google Images :-P 

On the album it starts out kinda slow and techno-fies into the 2nd verse and beyond...
Personally it felt like it took on its true meaning at that GMA performance. Throughout, she had her monologue, which usually coincides with playing at the piano. One of the things she said was how people making fun of her wigs and she responded by saying that her wigs allow her to be different people and she proceeded to put on a bunch because at that moment, she wanted to be a slew of different people.

listening to the song, I also got to thinking about "Les Miz" and how back then, hair was important for women like their social status. I don't remember much about the actual story other than a couple of casualties, Jean Val Jean was a reformed criminal that Javert always had his eye on ("all this for a loaf of bread?" I quote from Aladdin). Fantine was a prostitute in dire straits and apparently she asked Jean Val Jean to look after her daughter, Cosette
I didn't know that that Fantine was even a factory worker before being forced into prostitution.

I saw the movie (may/may not have been the version with Liam Neesom) in French class (in French) and this is going back quite a few years... maybe more than 10 :gasp: (I feel old, lol)
so I don't remember a lot

but it's gonna be heard at the end of the year. All these good movies coming out and I feel like I'll only get a chance to see a few. "Les Miz" I'll definitely have to see, but I also kinda want to see "Jack Reacher" (I've read one of Lee Child's books and found it interesting, my dad loves the series) and "Django Unchained" (it's Tarantino and Christophe Waltz... doesn't get much better than that... stir in a little Leo DiCaprio... perfecto)

going to see "The Hobbit" on sunday (weather permitting, lol)

but enough rambling...
hair was important to status... and Gaga tells an ancedote in this song about how her parents cut her hair at night whenever she misbehaved... how much truth there is to that, it's hard to say... but hair is a big deal to her.

My mind has been reeling a little bit here and there over the past couple days over "Te Busque"... almost to the point where I consider I'm ready to actually write it. But this will have to be a project that will have endless brainstorming before I even start from chapter one.

I thought about my characters Scarlet and Ruby.
Scarlet is being directly inspired by Jena Malone's character in "Suckerpunch" 
and Ruby happens to be a twin sister.

The storyline I'd drawn up for them was that they were abused by their father and one night, the two of them worked to make a getaway. Unfortunately, only Scarlet got away, but she promised she'd come back for Ruby whenever she could.
She immediately found a place of her own and supports herself by waitressing. There was an attraction to the "business they ran on the side," but it took some encouragment from Talia and Vanessa, who she immediately developed a friendship with, before she felt well enough to go into it. 
She has a certain spark to her, which makes her kinda popular on the nights that Talia isn't putting herself out there. 

I don't know how the hell or why the hell she would forget about Ruby. But it so happens that one day, Ruby finds the place and auditions. 
Scarlet is apologetic that she never came back for her, but Ruby wavers it, saying not to take the blame for it. I don't know how she made peace with it exactly, but somehow she does...

the song came to mind for me because Rocket had very short hair in "Suckerpunch"... so that image came to my mind for Scarlet
and Ruby has the same look. She might have more highlights in her hair, but other than that, there's a distinct similarity

So I summized that in addition to the abuse, their father might have kept their hair short so no boys would be interested in them.
Then for some unforseeable reason (I can't think of any), they decide not to grow their hair out even though they have the option.

I've also started to consider the possibility that, c'mon, the names are too coincidental for them to be the actual names they were born with...
but what were Scarlet and Ruby's names before they ran away from home?

Although... I might be able to get away with only one of them having the name change... one changing their name to pay homage to the other
and that's how they recognize each other at the audition... which Amber had been planning out for months, naturally she'll be pissed that the two are related, which makes her a shoe-in to be considered. 

Scarlet and Fiona Diaz

heck, it could have been an inside joke between them... when they run away, they'd change their names so their father would never be able to find them. 
Rusmussen was their mother's maiden name... whatever happened to her, I'm not quite sure... they wouldn't take her name if she ran out on them, so it had to have been something tragic...

her name could have been Ruby

I've also considered a few other exotic sounding names for anonymous back-up dancers... somehow, I don't think Ruby and Amber are going to stay in the background forever and I can't just bring them out in the 3rd act... advancing from heresay to the reader getting to know them

the funny thing is... I have a backstory for everybody... except for Vanessa

she's very closed up about her past and has lashed out a couple of times when Talia and Scarlet asked her about... so they just decided not to until she's ready to come forward
I mean, she could have been the proud & joy of her family or her promiscuity, spending time with a different boy every couple weeks, had her mom wanting to have her committed to a convent or something... 

I don't want the story to be that she got into this business to prove that she's her own person and bring away from those ties... I mean, nobody chooses prostitution for reasons like that... it makes their character questionable

Carmen is a name I like for a back-up dancer... I then considered Denise and Patricia because all three names have a common bond... maybe replace Denise with Taja... 
geesh, you'd think I'd know more of Prince's proteges...
Vanity and Apollonia would just be WAY too obvious... although I could easily make it a deadly sin thing where the girls would be nicknamed Lust, Envy and Vanity... nah, I don't feel like going to those lengths

Carmen and Taja I'll put in the mix for later

I'ma thinking that I'd like to have the back stories of each of these girls written down so solidly that that'll help with the characterization process. Later on, their actions will make sense.
Somehow I get the feeling that I won't be getting started until I have a specific scene in mind for my now overally lengthy playlist. For fun, I'll see how many songs I have... 


  1. Dance in the Dark- Gaga
  2. I like it rough- Gaga
  3. Sex Shooter- apollonia 6
  4. Afraid- furtado
  5. Love Game- gaga
  6. Womanizer- britney spears
  7. Maneater-furtado
  8. Circus- britney spears
  9. Showtime- furtado
  10. Promiscuous-furtado
  11. No Hay Iqual-furtado
  12. Mannequin-britney spears
  13. Extraordinary Girl-green day
  14. Lace & Leather-britney spears
  15. Shattered glass-britney spears
  16. If you seek amy-britney spears
  17. Telephone-gaga
  18. So Happy I could Die-gaga
  19. Paper Gangsta-gaga
  20. Wait for you-furtado
  21. Say it right-furtado
  22. Do it-furtado
  23. Just Dance-gaga
  24. Just sayin'-Karmin
  25. All good things come to an end-furtado
  26. Government Hooker-gaga
  27. Bad Kids-gaga
  28. Heavy Metal Lover-gaga
  29. Monster-gaga
  30. Alejandro-gaga
  31. Te Busque-furtado

damn... that's over 30... and I might not use ALL of these...
other ones for consideration are all Gaga

Bad Romance
Hair

Schiebe
Bloody Mary 

good stuff... 
the creative process can be so fun sometimes

I had an interesting scene for Monster come to mind the other day...
it's been a week or two after Emilia "survived" her first VIP night and it could very well be her last... she and Talia have worked on a couple of performance numbers to send a message to Amber... getting back at her for all these repercussions

"Monster" starts to prove a little too much for Emilia after a while because coming into the bridge towards the end, she falls to her knees when she starts to have flashbacks that she's still working to get over.
She still pushes through the rest of it and more or less tells Talia to finish things off and make it good

Interestingly a bunch of the gaga numbers are about art imitating life... they're signature numbers for these girls

Ruby explained it to Emilia as them personifying events that actually happened to them, either as a testament to their pasts or as their way of conquering it
I only see her appearing the story once or twice prior to the tumalteous third act. Amber is the background, but makes a couple of appearances to show her dissatisfication with Talia and wanting to steal the show for herself

hmm... I get the feeling that Amber really doesn't get along with anybody... I can't really picture any alliances forming anywhere...
maybe Vanessa is the one she's closest with, but their "closeness" has nothing on what Talia has with Vanessa and Scarlet
naturally because of the audition day and how Ruby came to be there on what was to be Amber's big day, she'll harbor this grudge against her... to the point where Ruby always shows her up at their show 

I see Amber having a couple friends, but none of them could handle the high stakes of doing what they do. or Talia deemed they weren't good enough

It'd be nice to, at some point, figure out the grey areas surrounding Alejandro... how much of a relationship is this really? stuff like that
JP, I see undergoing a transformation... he starts out this lovesick puppy like Antony in "Sweeny Todd" and when he hears more of what Talia does, he turns into the would-be "white knight in shining armor"...

It'd be a little much for Amber to get news to Talia that JP wants to save her like a damsel in distress... I don't see her having that kind of instrumental role... but I guess, to establish her own following, she recruits Emilia, shows her the ropes, hoping for the night to have more oomph than anything Talia could have put together.
Except Ruby steals the show for her newest number "Heavy Metal Lover"

a lot of work left to do on this, but I think I'm headed on the right track. I'll try to average at least five papers of a backstory for each girl

Monday, December 10, 2012

"Te Busque" playlist/outline [work in progress]

I think I'm still a LONG time away from this story coming together... never mind getting started or typing the words "chapter one" at the top of a page... 
but I think I am on the verge of something.

Okay, not so much that, but while listening to my iPod on the trip to and from our shorehouse this weekend, the gears started turning.
It blew my mind, but I was actually piecing together a storyline with the songs.


What kinda started as a Nelly Furtado album fic has blossomed into something a lot bigger. However much of the songs I played will make it into the final cut, I can't really say right now. Technically speaking, the only songs that are guranteed come from the album that started it all.

After a while, I started to think of this as something of an opus, a tribute to female empowerment by putting a lot of strong female artists together in a really long playlist... and there are definitely stories in there.
I got as far as the first act and some of the 2nd act.

What I haven't completely figured out yet are the songs that connect the most crucial scenes in the story...
the reason why, ultimately, Talia takes a chance on this new guy in her life and ends up falling in love with him... however much that Talia can, with the circumstances she grew up in and such.

"Say it Right" and the track that immediately follows "Do it" are the declarations of love and the start of a short period of the story where she's completely happy... there isn't a lot of true happiness to be had. I wanted to stretch it out as much as I ended up stretching out the first act.

Britney Spears' Circus album helped with that quite a bit.

I'll go right into it then.

I started with back to back Gaga.
I've played "Dance in the Dark" from The Fame Monster and "I like it rough" from The Fame back to back because they felt like they went hand in hand.
Initially, I was going to put this song maybe 5th or 6th in the overall line-up. With everyone around Talia questioning her choice to live her life this way, giving her body to others when she feels she has no other choice, her past experiences have her believing she's not suited for any other type of work. 
In that, Part one would be people singing about her, observing her in this montage of "clients" she sees over that series of nights, the girls knowing that sometimes she even feels that she knows she's better than this.
Part two, of course, is the contradiction, her rebuff, that this is how she prefers it and doesn't mind things the way they are.

But when I turned them on back to back this time, I saw it almost as a prologue or interlude or overture to this whole thing.
The pretense of part one is the owners of this special club/venue, after Talia helped resurrect their business with her idea, they know she should move on and pursue better things.
Interestingly, part two wasn't just her story anymore, but I could see all the girls singing those lyrics... almost as if it's their version of "He had it coming" from Chicago.

"Sex Shooter" came into the picture next. Taking the other songs into account, it felt like a teaser trailer... where the first track of the Nelly Furtado album would be the main picture...
so it was something of a preview that the earliest of customers.

I've seen Track 1 in a few ways... I wrote a short character sketch of Emilia De La Rosa, the newest of the girls to join the business where it was the first time she saw Talia and had since aspired to dance like that and look that beautiful doing it. 

Times like this, I'm thinking that maybe I'll write this in mulitple POV's... and most likely all of them will be female... 

I love moments where I listen to songs and they're completely picturesque like I'm seeing a movie.
In fact, this time around, I saw it with actual credits rolling.


cue voice-over: 
"Everyone, please welcome to the stage... Talia Montez and her fellow sirens"
(something to that effect)

cue music and spotlight moving over the closed curtain
"[insert studio name] presents"
"A [insert director/producer] production" 

open curtains- "Te Busque"

four girls on stage, diamond formation
(audience)

(front center stage)


Talia

                                                   Emilia                                 Scarlet

Vanessa


They sing a dance a few lines, go through the first verse
Then into the chorus when each of them has their solo, cha-cha steps but each brings their unique twists/moves, the name of the actress playing them appears above their head

These credits are spaced out for the most part. After the first chorus, lists running four actors long will appear sporadically, but obviously taking up the side of the stage unoccupied so it takes over anyone up.

This is going to be Emilia's first night taking the stage. She'd been a waitress for a year or so. After asking for the chance to audition to be a dancer, she went through a rigorous set of tests (although nowhere near as rigorous as it was for the girls who went through the extra stages to earn a spot on a "VIP" night) and was finally deemed ready by Talia (who watched her carefully throughout the audition process, run by her cohorts Scarlet and Vanessa, but this was the first time in a long time where she'd taken this much interest in a newcomer... after a couple years of running these trails by herself proved to be too difficult, seeing most of the girls she tried fail or quit after their first night)
Everything comes full circle in that Emilia was drafted to participate in this particular routine that  convinced her to try out.

I can see a voiceover happening here on her end, talking about it being her first night, how long she'd been there, etc. etc. but maybe open up to a contrast in that she goes on certain nights and on others, she's heard rumors that its when the most artistic dancing takes place, but she'd never seen it.

"Love Game" plays for one of these such VIP nights. 
It could be a brief aside or might not make it into the storyline at all... but it felt like an interesting bit of progression.

After the opening song & dance sequence, Talia picks the next song on the playlist and it's "Womanizer"...
Scarlet says to Emilia: "Oh boy, it looks like Talia had another fight with Alejandro. She only brings this song out when she's really pissed at him."
Not sure what it is about Britney's singles off that album, but they make me think of the flicks and kicks that come in Jive choreography

The way that their relationship came off to me... is your typical on-off-again relationship... once or twice I considered the pimp/prostitute relationship where he kinda wants to be in charge and doesn't want to lose her to another man... wants to have that "control"... but I don't want to bring it down to that level, especially when that's yet another thing I'd have to fake my way through

sometimes I think this story isn't suited for South America, but rather, a slumy part of some big city like New York or the girls work at a NYC night club... especially when I think about the spotlights and light show and such that comes with some of these performances

for some reason I forgot to add "Maneater"... but I know that comes next... 
not the Hall & Oates track... track 2 from the Nelly Furtado album

Emilia could continue the voiceover in saying "Scarlet told me once that Alejandro fell hard for Talia the first time he saw her dance to one song in particular. It was in its final stages of dress rehearsal. Supposedly he never stopped wanting her all to himself after that."
this is her "song of 1,000 veils"... she's dancing in layers of them while Scarlet and Vanessa spend the song talking her up. We get to a bridge where the lights lay low. The two girls surround her to "hide" her from the audience while the veils are coming off one by one until all that's left is a red bellydancer outfit and light reflects off the diamonds or rhinestones in the fabric.

There's a lyric in the song that repeats over and over in the last segment.
"Been around the world, I ain't never seen a girl like this"
after that, Alejandro had wanted her... but according to my playlist, he wasn't the most exclusive person... maybe my playlist was playing up that angle a little too much... him not being up for the committment, meanwhile he teases Talia that he wants her all to himself... not that he'd ever want her to quit the business just for him since she brings in a lot of business for the family, which happens to be his.

Double-edged sword, really... she does her business in this way and he says this and that about it... meanwhile he isn't always faithful to her... 

I'd also considered the idea of boosting up Amber as a potential antagonist... 
she and Ruby originally started as a couple of extra names to add to the bill, the workforce, etc. 
but Amber's purpose had grown more as this storyline has progressed.

Today I listened to one of the songs from Karmin's album... and it seemed to fit her perfectly...
lyrics go something like this:
"oh if I want it, I'm gonna get it and I'm just sayin', I'm just sayin'... I know know know, let it go go go, oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh..."
sometimes I think she has a little too much in common with Regina George, feeling she's entitled to things that she might not deserve... rumors are always floating around about the possbilitiy of a successor, I guess, and Amber wants to be the one that takes over for Talia because she gets the most clients
some of my ideas for the 3rd act have me thinking that she secretly wants to have Alejandro to herself, but Talia's the only girl he's super interested in... the 2nd half of those lyrics refer to other voices, other girls or other friends she has telling her to let this whole thing go... or maybe its just her consciouness... its hard to be sure sometimes

"Maneater" is another flashback so that could be why its not in this sequence of songs... or I just plain forgot.

we go to another night and the title track "Circus" is something of a summary of how Talia runs her show on this stage... 
"Showtime" is the closing "number" for the night... but it plays while the girls are packing up for the night and Talia's preparing herself mentally to forgive Alejandro

then "Promiscious" introduces her to Juan Paulo (J.P.) and so it offically begins... 

I really should organized this a little better... so afterwards, I think I'll copy and paste this to Word and kinda do bullet points of suggestions for scenes and such under each song title...

but this is on a Friday night... I think... I could switch some of these things around, I'm not really set in the pattern they're in...
My only requirement is that "Promiscious" doesn't happen for a couple pages... I'd like there to be some character building first... and for the love of God, I do not want it to be the case where Alejandro doesn't even get seen until after this number... that'd be really awkward, not to mention it'd place biases in the works... Alejandro being the no-good cheating "boyfriend"... rather... when actually he's a little more than that... he and Talia are equal partners in this business once she kinda taught him the ropes of how she likes to run it... because of this/that/other thing, his family lets her take the reigns... because it was her idea, she ended up saving their business by adding the naughtyness to it (that's where the real money comes in, even though the rest is about them having this reputation of being these gorgeous, amazing dancers)

It might seem a tad predictable, cliche, whatever... for Talia (sometimes I even considering adding a "h" to her name... Thalia... although I think that's a name of a Percy Jackson character... who happens to be a daughter of Zeus, putting her equal in strength with Percy Jackson, who is son of Posiden and technically, the two of them are "cousins" in that regard...

anyway, for Talia to do this to show up Alejandro or use J.P. to make him jealous... I want it to be deeper than that... because she's a deep character with a lot of layers, seeing as she spent so many years putting walls around herself...
she's flirtatous with J.P. for this number, which is, in effect, a duet between Nelly Furtado and Timbaland (whatever happened to that guy anyway?) the genius producer that gave her album this really cool sound to set it apart from her earlier stuff... she does this to do something a little different, to cut loose... or maybe it's a dare... who knows, really?
J.P. might have done this on a dare as well, it's hard to be sure...
"High School Musical" started with a karaoke duet... which introduced Troy and Gabriella... don't knock it, I love that movie :-P 

Whatever is behind her motives for joining him for this number, I still haven't quite figured yet...
but everytime I listen to it, I know the scene from start to finish... she brings all her mad dance skills (PG) to this and the crowd goes wild for her, of course... he's unable to get over the fact this beautiful girl came up to dance with him and has a great time, thinking that she's really into him.
the song ends and before he could ask anything of her, she disappears...

I'm sure someone in the club tips him off, tells him to check out the club and the next day she's going to perform

even now, I don't really know what I want her chemistry with Alejandro to really be like... it's a fun idea to consider him the cheating "boyfriend" and all that, but he has a little more going on than that... she's self-assured and really doesn't need him, but enjoys whatever companionship she can get from him...
I've considered the "friends with benefits" thing before, not so much that they're "friends" as much as colleagues and partners in this business

her friends kinda know that he gets under her skin sometimes with the things he does... not sure what things these are... but they can tell by the playlist when she's unhappy with him, even though she's not the type who likes to "talk" about it

"No Hay Iqual"- I consider a "tribal" dance with the choreography...
J.P. wanders into the club the night they're performing this... he's taken with her of course...
one of the other girls who happens to be waitressing that night (they switch off between waitressing [which is more on the side of bartending really, they dont have food there] and dancing, etc.) hears him talking about the song he did with Talia and he naively says that he thinks she's into him... 
It's a fitting bit of news for Vanessa to give Talia... she's a little more business up front, more logical, whereas Scarlet thinks with her heart despite the business they're all in... 

I already know certain key numbers where Scarlet and Vanessa are flanking Talia... and the numbers just wouldn't be the same without the three of them together...

She gets wind of this from Vanessa, rolls her eyes and to kinda bring her feelings to life, she goes into "Mannequin", also from Circus... there's a Katy Perry song by the same name and while it gets the message across a little more clearly, the music for the Britney Spears track fits the club setting better... 
she has a lot of songs that she keeps like tricks in her back pocket and she brings them out for certain occasions... this one, she uses to repel potential suitors, saying she doesn't have patience and time for a real relationship with another man because there's posturing involved and in general, she knows them to be two-faced with their actions not matching up with their words, stuff like that... they're "phony" to her... 
Vanessa gets word to Talia... this could be a night where Scarlet and her twin sister, Ruby are flanking her... or it could be Scarlet and Emilia, who often gets used (by me) as the eyes and ears of this, the reader's connection to the story and Talia's inner monologue. Vanessa says to Emilia "Tell Talia to watch for the mannequin 12 rows back... she'll know what it means"

I haven't figured out just yet... or maybe I have... I think that Emilia, Scarlet and Vanessa go to the karaoke bar with Talia... I know Emilia will see who it is and be disappointed in Talia that she's performing these lyrics for his benefit...
especially when it isn't just about the fact she has this other relationship with Alejandro, which isn't your typical boyfriend/girlfriend thing... she doesn't know him well enough to really make a judgement like "I think this guy is a better man than Alejandro"... she'd only been with the so-called "company" for a year or so so she doesn't know the ins and outs as well as everyone else

J.P. isn't going to get the message from "Mannequin"... although it is somewhat confusing, he tries to get back stage to ask what's going on and why she flirted with him if she wasn't interested in him... 
Vanessa might be the last line of defense for this, but Talia has to tell him something that'll deter him for the moment. not sure what just yet

in leaving, because the opening sequence has the same number of beats as the chorus of "No Hay Iqual" [plays thru 3 times before the song clicks on], I always picture him singing "Extraordinary Girl" by Green Day...
but it seems a tad strange that that he's thinking in these terms when he doesn't yet know the FULL extent of what she does for a living...

the next song I played is "Lace & Leather" from Circus... 
"your one and only pleasure, I'll take to lace and leather"

I see this as the last song of Act one... which introduces all the core characters... J.P. as the new guy in this town in hot pursuit of Talia even though she'll want nothing to do with him...
almost like the relationship between Anthony and Johanna in "Sweeny Todd" where he spends the movie pining for her, wanting to steal her away... 

don't know how, but at some point, J.P. will learn the extent of what she does and he spends a lot of time trying to talk her out of it... that she's better than doing lap dances and selling her body for money... 
something of a transformation takes place, I guess... he goes from being this naive suitor who still doesn't get that Talia is off-limits when it comes to the logical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to being someone who wants to save her from this way of life, take her away from it because he sees more than that... 

which more than suggests that he comes from a good family... a proper one... certainly one that's rich enough to put him through medical school... something like that... 
there's still a disconnect there for me... how can he be in hot pursuit, yet be proper, gentlemanly and all that stuff... 

still have a lot to figure out...

Act two is the falling in and out of love... Talia to J.P. ...him gaining her trust and something inevitably destroys it... I have yet to figure out what that is...
how she eventually trusts him to consider spending her life with him and all that... and how this break up happens... I went thru my iPod and realized that I didn't have any songs to cover this... just yet

I went thru a few more Circus tracks... "Shattered Glass" insuinates that Alejandro cheated again and she breaks up with him... a bit strange considering they were never officially together... 
"If you seek Amy" I saw as the song playing when J.P. forces his way into the club, which has a lot of people out front trying to get in... it's one of those busy nights, I guess... in essence, he's the one who's "seeking Amy"... 

to further this break-up or getting over Alejandro, Scarlet and Vanessa have her back and they go Gaga for two numbers... this is on a Wednesday night, which is the special night that Talia offers herself as the only VIP, but sometimes she just doesn't feel like it... she tells them this and the two of them decide that they'll have fun anyway...
they launch into "Telephone"... which has a lot of great cha-cha moves, as they did for a team dance on "Dancing with the Stars"... 
after having a good number, she tells the two of them how they're "the best friends any girl could have"... which seems a tad sentimental for Talia... not sure how much of this will even make it into the storyline... I highly doubt it'll make sense in the overall scheme of things... because Alejandro can't just be the cheating boyfriend character... 
maybe she's just not feeling particularly happy that night for whatever reason... not quite sure what and maybe we really don't have to know why... 
after this really cheesy quote I just wrote, she launches into "So Happy I Could Die"... which I picture all kinds of choreography for... mainly the chorus where she's prancing up the stage like its a catwalk... in the 2nd quatrain of it, Scarlet and Vanessa go up to join her, repeating the same choreography she did, but they're all in unison

by this point, Talia will have said no to J.P. at least two more times...
but after this number, she's feeling a lot better and doesn't mind going back for an encore performance for any takers in the house...

J.P. catches up with the girls, who are on their way out, around the point Talia decides to go back because of the line still out the door...
he begs her to go out with him just once... and finally she caves... but instead she sends Vanessa and/or Scarlet to check him out for her... 
Vanessa seems to be the more hardened of the two, not really wanting to give an inch... so it could be a double-date with the both of them filling him in some details... Scarlet does most of this...

and I'm getting more convinced that this is when he learns the truth of the nature of their business... and that Talia really doesn't trust men enough to consider being in a relationship with anyone, not in the conventional sense anyway... he asks about the song they did and Vanessa says its to ward off potential suitors and impresses further that she believes that man are generally phony, only think about themselves and if she ever settles down, she has to know the guy so well... that there's no room for phonyness
[the song she performs to to coincide with this... in the movie version that's playing in my head while this is going on... "Paper Gangsta" from The Fame]

maybe the "breaking" point is when she finds out that his only intent was to "whisk her away" from this business... she kinda keeps everything secret from him (Emilia really doesn't know much about these special VIP nights either and is kept in the dark until this particular part in the story)

the girls okay him for Talia... they find out that he's going to be a doctor and may only be here to studying abroad or something (still haven't figured that out either)

after so many of these other songs, I finally got back to the core inspiration, Nelly Furtado...
sometimes I see Talia as a cross between her and Stana Katic, who plays Kate Beckett in "Castle"... albeit, Nelly Furtado is a little more exotic looking, but both feels right to me because they're around the age of 33, which is how old Talia is. (She'd been in this business for quite some time... from the age of 18, which makes it 15 years)...

"Wait for you" has duality to it... where Talia's POV is in the verses and the chorus is from J.P's where he's saying he'll wait as long as it takes for her to come around and accept his feelings for her... etc, etc.

When he gets patient with her, after getting the truth from Scarlet and Vanessa, this is where he gets to start trusting him... only problem I have is that there is/are no song(s) on my iPod or even in my collection that really exemplifies this...

sometimes I'm not sure about the order... but the two songs "Say it right" and "Do it" have to be back to back... the first is where she gives herself to him, finally feeling ready to take him on as a boyfriend... and the song after that is when you see this whole other side to her, she's happy for once in her life... ready to let go...
I've played with the idea of her doing the happy dance before telling him that she's ready and all that... not sure about this, at least not at the moment

"Just Dance" I played afterwards just because it felt pretty good... another "happy dance" type song... 

but there's another gap here... I want a good amount of pages where she's in this relationship with him and where she's happy... otherwise it seems superficial for her to be uninhibited for only this short time...

by this point, of course, Alejandro has all but disappeared from my consciousness... I don't even know where I left him... or even what he thinks about this new guy... I can't completely forget about him in this story because that seems superficial to the reader... I'd like both guys to be viable choices for her, although not everyone can be "Team Edward and Team Jacob"
J.P. might have more in common with Peeta and Alejandro with Gale, given their history (or lack thereof) with Talia... Peeta is all about doing the right thing and Gale, it's hard to really say, because in the books, they don't really get to know him quite as well...
in the Hunger Games, he's completely out of the picture by chapter 3 or 5, whenever Katniss and Peeta get whisked away to the Capitol... 

Gale seems to have a hidden agenda in "Mockingjay" which has Katniss questioning his actions and motives...  I wanted her to end up with Gale because it's hard to say no to a Hemsworth, those guys have great genes :-P
it's kinda like "Pretty in Pink" all over again where I wanted Andy to end up with Ducky, but she ends up with this new guy, Blaine, who comes into her life throughout the movie... even though he inexplicibly dumps her before prom... both sides of that argument were viable
whereas in "Some Kind of Wonderful" John Hughes kinda wrote it so Lea Thompson's character seemed a little shallow and predictable compared to Mary Stuart Masterson... making it the more obvious choice that Eric Stolz chooses his tomboy bestie over the hottest girl in school... 

I could go on about that debate forever and my movie blog will definitely feature something with love triangles and such

I guess Gale and Alejandro have that in common... the hidden agendas and such... but I confess to not really remembering him too well in the books... 
I just remember reading "Mockingjay" and getting overally annoyed with Peeta because he had become a POW and the Capitol turned him against Katniss and everyone else... even after rescuing him, he'd become something of a traitor in their midst because of the brain-washing and such... there were a couple of times where I was screaming at the book for Katniss to forget about him... or even later on, where he was asking them to kill him because he was a liability that could be like a cancer on the inside of their cause, I was seconding that... 

but she ended up with Peeta at the end of it all... I don't care how much Gale might have been responsibile for a significant death towards the end of the series, I just couldn't believe that after all that, she still chose Peeta

here's hoping the movies make him more sympathetic so I'd at least care...
I'll admit in the movie that it took a little while for him to grow on me, but once he did, it was hard to really say no :-P 

This is how little I know about the next step, I'm sidetracking myself like crazy...

at some point, Talia does break up with J.P. and the song that plays afterwards is what ought to be the last track of the album, "All goods things come to an end"... which ends Act 2...

once the dust settles, it's hard to know where to go next...
then I remember that Emilia has to have her moment where she gives Talia a piece of her mind... saying that J.P. was a decent guy... she finds out about the VIP nights, what goes on... and even though it takes a while (maybe Amber comes in and starts to pull some strings of her own), she wants to become part of it... Talia repeatedly tells her no because it's something that changes people... and the other girls do it because they'd already had something in their lives that changed them... she won't say it like this but basically "we're already damaged goods" and she doesn't want Emilia to lose that innocence and naivety

Alejandro thinks that Talia is being a little over protective and arranges for her to learn the ropes from Amber and Ruby... who only come together for one night (don't get along very well) and give her pointers and such...

I'm feeling a bit of disconnect already... like where the hell did he come from and how is all of this coming into play?

(just thought that maybe she breaks up with J.P. because he tells Emilia about his motive to get Talia out of the business and why... she overhears them talking and she's pissed at him for telling Emilia the details... she wanted to protect her and keep her in the dark... and she therefore refuses to talk to Talia, which is why she turns to Amber and by extension, Alejandro... who ovehears what happens, tries to convince her that she might be ready for this... but she of course says no again)

No songs are coming to mind here... but... I do have my set of songs for Emilia's debut on the VIP stage...

going into the Born this Way album...
Emilia does "Govermental Hooker"
Amber does "Bad Kids" 
Scarlet steals the show (as always) with "Heavy Metal Lover"

Amber tells her to go for the highest bidder... Emilia gets selected by a man who is among the few that gets banned from the club because the girls have reported... the kind of guy who tends to take charge and doesn't listen to the girl, who has done for a living longer than he's paid for company... stuff like that... 
seeing as this is a bad neighorhood, there are a few that slip through the cracks and are real criminals that takes advantage of women... 

I have this part of the story worked out pretty well... 
J.P. saves Emilia's life... takes her to Talia's place because he wants her to be comfortable while he's making sure everything's okay...
a few short minutes later, Alejandro stops by and realizes what he'd done in encouraging her

hmm... maybe it'd be a little much for them to have this conversation beforehand, trying to change her mind about it... because this sequence has to happen...
I guess maybe he told Amber to wait on this until after he talks to Talia, but she decided to go ahead anyway... 

J.P. leaves, saying she should still see a doctor because he didn't have his medical license yet, but based on the training he'd already had, he thinks she's going to be fine...
seeing this exchange, Alejandro says the key quote I wasn't sure I'd ever get him to say "You really like him, huh?"
She understands, even though she'd stressed that she can take care of herself, why J.P. had worried about her... she isn't ready to stop doing what she's doing, but plans to forgive him, so on and so on...

she wants to exact revenge on Amber, to send her a message... 
so she uses Alejandro as the scapegoat in her next set of performances

when Emilia is well enough to return to dancing, she performs "Monster"
followed by Talia doing "Alejandro" 
per that character's namesake...

even after all that, she confronts Amber and says she knows that she was behind this whole thing... she admits to her jealous and unloads a lot of about her past, something she hadn't told anyone... 

I've pretty much got that all worked out... the different pasts these girls have... except for maybe Vanessa... I'm not quite sure how she came to get mixed up in all this

I don't know the outcome of this argument/discussion between Talia and Amber... at least not yet...

but the inevitable happy ending is where Talia forgives J.P., says that she wants him back... 
a number of years pass when she's finally ready to appoint a successor: Vanessa...
J.P. waits for her in America or wherever he lives for a couple of years, they keep in correspondance, he lets her know when he gets his medical license... 
but instead of settling down with him, she decides to open up a dance studio, whose cliental includes underprivileged children and she also does time at shelters for women who have escaped abusive situations and such...
by extension, I can see Emilia showing up as the first student at this studio and Talia instead takes her on as an apprentice and later, another teacher because there's one particular chance she's very skilled with... not quite sure what that is yet...

I've got a few things up in the air about it... sometimes I consider setting the story in slums in America rather than South America... sometimes I consider taking the explicit content out of it, the prostitution and brothel connotations... I don't know if the story would work quite the same way without it...

Talia  needs to have that motivation for the story to really work.. she has to have these walls up to repel men like J.P. 
the list goes on and on... but I think I'll go to my Word.Doc and get this stuff done... because I have myself a bit of an outline now 8-) 

Monday, November 19, 2012

Reinvigorating Writing while Avoiding Self-Parody

The more time that transpires, the more I start to believe that it's impossible to make a living as a writer.
Kind of a depressing notion when it's the only thing you're truly good at, enjoy and it seems a chore to try any more schooling... I mean it seems ridiculous to me to invest in all different kinds of courses and stuff, expand my horizons, when at the end of it, it still doesn't gurantee employment.

These are trying times... even more so for someone who doesn't know what they're meant to contribute to society that has self-esteem issues.
It's almost gotten to the point where my personality has transformed around other people. I'm lethargic (although it might just be that time of year) even with my coffee in the morning until maybe 11 (I get up around 9 and thats even hard)... my voice drops out, I cover eye contact entirely, I keep my sentences super short...
How can I put this... I like to do long winded yarns when I'm coming up to a point I'm really excited about and now its to the point where I just blabber a few things and thats it. I really should get to the points faster.... like this entry for instance.

I'm hoping that my movie blog helps get my words out there where it can reach a good number of people... help me reconnect with my friends and family a bit because who doesn't love movies?
(:-? one person comes to mind and its not that my friend Kirby doesnt like movies... his conversations are just all in reality, talking about sea life and all that, which he's about as avid about as I've become about pop culture and different actors & directors and stuff... he'll be hard to reach thru my blog... like I don't see him checking it all the time to see what the latest thing with me is... living for years with the belief you'll end up marrying your best friend sinks relationships... but its my fault really... whenever I did contact him, he'd try to give me advice about getting hired and stuff... almost like I'm allergic to news print or something)


I don't know what I'll do if that doesn't work. But I got to thinking the other day that for the sake of film franchises like Twilight (which is over now and all that... good times), I should strive to be the first major female film critic... cuz none of the men that reviewed these movies really respected the material... I don't care if its not the best writing in the world, slamming something because you didn't bother to do the research and all that... I can't abide, I'm sorry

And this was gonna be an entry about Jonas, believe it or not (right now I can't)...

On the radio I heard "All you Wanted" by Michelle Branch come on and I started to daydream... I started to sketch out a music video for it that had clips from my story accompanying it...

I'd fallen into the pitfall (we're going on months now) where I started rewrites because I got 10+ rejections... all from people that weren't interested in what I had to offer... SUCKSS...
honestly, guys... what part is so hard to get into?
The prologue that goes on for a couple pages?
The reincarnation backstory?
The fact my protagonist is a very reserved young man hiding the fact he has telekinetic powers and it takes a new girl to bring confidence out of him?

I know how I've said how his story deserves to see the light of day... but I honestly dont know what else I can do to make people understand that... I'm starting to not believe myself that my own writing is strong enough... I suppose I could send some old queries to a few new names that have come up, but I doubt that'll make a difference

It's insane, I know, I have my livelihood hell bent on getting one story published... as if that'd take care of everything instantly...
I really haven't felt any sort of REAL success since I got hired after my first interview... 2 years after getting fired for being a really shy introvert that has trouble asking for help and keeping pace... it sucks... it really does...

it's just hard sometimes to see any sort of light at the other end of the tunnel.

Jonas was my first ticket to a small fortune... right now I don't see a career happening as a YA romantasy writer... because nobody seems keen on getting even the first pages to read...

now I've got 2 other things I'm somewhat counting on... one's a work in progress that I'm at least a year away from finishing... and after that, supposing Prince doesn't sue me for wanting to write my interpretation of his work so non-fans can see that he's not nearly as taboo as they thought he was...

and then there's my movie blog... which I'm at least a couple weeks away from premiering (lol... I doubt this will make a difference to anyone but one person... but [sarcasm] circle December 8th on your calenders)

Hopefully either one of those will get something to happen for me as a writer...
too bad that romantasy thing hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to...
it won't stop me from going over my work and doing rewrites, but it's half-hearted at this point

I guess what I kinda wanted to try with Jonas is to do something different with the rewrites... keep it short and sweet this time, don't go too far into certain details... keep to the main points and see where that goes...

go thru my personal soundtrack and write the scenes that come to mind when I listen to them...

"All you wanted" is probably the most brilliant one I'll get out of this... I see it as the final epic battle between Jonas and his enemy from this past life... a duel... and flashbacks from the story will come to mind and I'll see where it goes from there...

maybe writing some musings from the eyes of the minor characters... don't worry about anything but dialogue... stuff that takes the pressure off that might help in the long run...
heck, write Jonas as a novella rather than making it this long story just so I fill out pages and pages...
that's sure to be interesting... assuming that I have my narrative or dialogue in the right direction

I'll see what I come up with and I might post the results... for now, I've got a dog to let outside and a movie to watch...

speaking of movies, I should go in length about why my inspirations came into my characters the way they did... that'll be cool, especially with "Spirited Away"... the final puzzle piece of something I'd been conceptualizing for a while

Sunday, October 28, 2012

"Rescue Me" because I'm "Losing my Mind"

Both quotations are Daughtry song titles.

How I feel about certain things comes down to two parts: how good they are functionally, like they are solid in their design.... and the other part is, obviously, made of my personal biases and how much I just melt into something that I enjoy.

Maroon 5 and Daughtry are on different sides of the spectrum if we're talking musically...
or maybe they're the same...
but I melt into how much I love both of their musical catalogs for different reasons...

with Maroon 5, its mostly Adam Levine's vocals that do it for me... I knew even before I declared myself a fan that it was something special and certainly different than what I was used to... not a lot of strong falsettos and high tenors in music these days...
and occasionally I go crazy for something musically or melodically... how certain notes sound

with Daughtry, while I find Chris Daughtry's voice carthatic to the point where I feel comfortable singing to it and sometimes go beyond it (I stick by Adam Levine's range best I can)... what really wins me over is all in the solidness of his songs... not just the beginning/middle/end, but also because of chord changes... the rhythm of the drums and the vocal delivery... all of it feels so good to me... they say sound is produced by vibration, but I feel like my inner tempo vibrates to Daughtry when it comes to my favorites...

I'm sad to say none of them are singles... well, except for "Over You" which I believe to be a perfect speciman of a song with the simplicity of the design, but also because the chorus is catchy as hell... rhythmically... I can't really explain it better than that

it's either when he's shouting at the top of his register to proclaim something or even the higher range by itself without raising the volume... that's a common ingredient in my favorites aside from the core melody... to which I say he hasn't led me wrong yet, every album has that somewhere in it...
I'm golden as long as somewhere between 3-5 songs have that where I usually dont need the rest of the album ;)

I guess the word for what I tried to describe above is "Passion"... when he make those passionate proclaimations... you kinda wanna wish more guys felt so strongly that you believe them without a second thought

I am thinking... that I have a short story that I kinda want to write...
in conjunction with two things, although I'm not sure how they are going to fit together...

the Daughtry compenent are those two songs, which I love to tie together... kinda like they are two parts of one story... one being the B-side of the other and the bridge going into the final chorus of "Rescue me"... screams to me that this is the end of the album...
it has 2 songs after that and on the bonus edition, it has 4 after that... but I usually stop after 10 songs because... don't really need much more than that... the songs afterwards are good, but they don't stimulate me quite the same way

Some songs I listen to, in general, beg to have a story behind them... something that I can personally work with...
I feel that way about a couple songs by Taylor Swift, but I'm having trouble putting together pieces for "Sparks Fly" and "Enchanted"... the latter is beyond picturesque but so far my feelings and my mind haven't coincided to put something together... I think it'll take the right experience to hash that out

Strangely enough, I have had it happen a couple times... where I either have played a song on repeat so I could actually listen to it (too much background noise) or I have it on my iPod but when it gets uploaded the first time, the glitch happens where 30 seconds in, the next song downloaded begins and I hear nothing from the other song again...
those strangely become favorites without me really knowing why

"Heavy Metal Lover" was one... once on repeat, never turned back ;)

"Losing my mind" was a song I couldn't wrap my mind around for a while. I would listen to it, hear a humming of something in my head, but the connection wasn't made for a while. I got it on my iPod... felt compelled to get it reloaded on there... and after that, it just became what it has been

It comes across as very short, but its nothing short of passionate... I get overwhelmed listening to it sometimes... at the peak of emotion, especially at the end, its like... WOW... knocks the wind out of me and I can't breathe almost to the point where I can't breathe [without tearing up a bit]

The emotionality is overwhelming, but I love Chris Daughtry's pitch at that peak... and also how he ends his notes... as in, I cannot imagine it being done any other way

in conjuction with a dream I had last night, which I already see taking on a different shape than originally shown to me...

I saw the beginning, middle and end of this song... kinda like three parts of a love story...

The first verse where he says "never thought a train going any place could have changed my life"... talks about meeting this girl on a train, its love at first sight for him and the whole time he's in the city that day, she's on his mind...

I see time passing going over the chorus...
kinda like this was a chanced meeting that he doesn't want to get away from him, or he'd seen her around but hasn't had the courage to talk to her... I'm not sure...
I see one of those cheesy montages where he's walking through an old town, kinda like the old west, but without the cowboys and period costumes... kinda modernized... but obviously its deserted like some of those sets on "Glee" where there's a song playing...  time transpires so when the last night is hit, you see its nighttime

Then I had the clever idea to make it into kind of a duet, obviously putting myself in the other role, with female vocals this time around... doing the 2nd verse and doing the chorus at night heading to a park bench thats an old conventional bus stop... doing the impassioned plea seated
Which suggests that I'm the one who's seen him around, kinda where this connects to the dream I had... whoever my counterpart is, he's one of those guys I've crushed on over the years and always feel miles away from because we're from different social circles...

The bridge features a split screen... he fades in from the left... I fade in on the right... we trade off lines... we're at our different locations, at night...

we trade off impassioned pleas at the final chorus... sing "I'm losing my mind"... where I'm getting on the bus at my stop and he's running to catch the bus that's just come through his deserted town... neither is singing "I'm losing my mind" the final time... but at the height of it, he gets on the bus, we see each other and rush into a warm embrace

about as romantic as a motion picture :-P

I can see this song playing out as how me and this guy I'm into meet... and/or possibly how we get back together in the end

It's not often where I have lividly vivid dreams... so vivid where my mind is a ready participant or I can actually feel things from a multitude of angles...

my desire to see "Perks of Being a Wallflower" have rubbed off here, obviously... because in spots, I saw myself in Charlie's (Logan Lerman) shoes... where being lonely terrifies me to the point of pertification... and Sam (Emma Watson) and Patrick (Ezra Miller) are my closest friends...
I can't really distinguish who my BFF was... whether she looked like Emma Watson or not, I'm not sure... but what was clear was him...
my mind said Phillip Phillips, although I couldn't quite imagine why
my eyes said he kinda like Aaron Fisher, "Hero#1" who recently did a piece on 20/20 and released a book
my heart said it was the last guy I had a crush, that I thought be the "best friend" I would fall in love with and marry

Until I realized there was a giant plothole in my dream, the title woulda been "Baby Daddy"...
based all around the fact that, based on the relationship I have with this guy, there is no way that statement can be true... and I really don't see it coming about any other way...
The whole dream alluded to harboring this secret and finding the courage to tell him the truth...  never mind the fact I have trouble stringing a sentence together around him...

The dream kinda felt like being in a movie that was currently running... the beginning was gone so I don't know how I got "knocked up" in the dream...
there was a bit of a middle that worked on establishing the relationship between me and these two people

Alluding to this was one scene where we went out to dinner, there was a glass of red wine at my seat, that I proceeded to pour on the table in a steady stream... and I mopped up with a napkin. The looks penetrated my skull but I didn't watch their expressions... meanwhile my mind outside of the dream is asking me from the POV of reality "why didn't I just ask for a soda or something instead?"
appearances change quite a bit in another scene where my mind (outside the dream) knows I have the appearance here of Mae Whitman as she appears in "Parenthood" (which I never saw, only previews of it), but blonde... and I tell my mom when I run into her about what's going on and I think the dream ends with me finally telling him the truth... and its all good...
obviously we weren't together or it wouldn't have been this whole dilemma

Despite where my mind has been for some previous story ideas, I don't see sex being a part of this story any place... plus the obvious relationship between me and him doesn't indicate that to be a believable possibility (and I don't think I want to bring immaculate conception into a college setting... fiction is about making stuff up but you gotta at least stay within bounds of reality)

So the "Knocked up"/Baby Daddy storyline will become that combination of Daughtry song titles... in that its one of those stories about what you would do if you knew you only had a short time to live...

I don't know what kind yet, but my character's condition will be terminal illness...
the setting is a college campus somewhere in NYC. I live in the dorms while he shares an apartment with his sister, who is my BFF...

It's one of those cases I know too well... I've harbored feelings for this guy for a long time and I'm always finding reasons not to tell him... all while not knowing that he feels the same way about me... that's what the scenes I saw in the dream kinda told me where he wasn't just generous, but he was warm, kind and just about everything you could ask for in another person.

Two scenes stand out where he kinda reads my mind and what I want is compassion from him and to either feel important or included in his plans

I'm meeting up with the two of them. I'm catching up with my BFF, while aware that he's in the vicinity. A couple of times, while drowning out the conversation a bit, I'm thinking about saying something to him. I have this picture in my head of him hanging me from behind.
Then out of the blue, he approaches me, opens up his arms and I rush into them. There was such an unbelievable warmth there I couldn't believe it transcended the actual dream... that's only happened maybe a couple of times in my life...

we're talking about later, apparently the plan is to go back to his place. I ask where it is and he says its D4 on some street like Sussex or something random, but I get that its a street in the city, not on campus... and I can't put the words together that I can't get there because I don't have a car or way of getting there. But I also don't want to be without either of them for the whole night so I find myself on the verge of a meltdown, not unlike one Charlie had in the "Wallflower" book when Sam and Patrick were away for a holiday or something and he hit the bottom of his loneliness, couldn't contain it...
like in the previous scene, my ankles are buckling, but here I fall to them just into a deserted street... He then offers that I come to dinner with them

I thought about not including it, but the wine scene seemed too significant in the dream, how it was kind of a slow-motion thing, the wine pouring out...
maybe my character is dying of terminal liver or pancreatic cancer... therefore I can't drink

Things like that...

so the whole short story is agonizing over the idea of telling him that I love him before I die and its too late to do so... but of course the nervouness was unfounded cuz I felt the same way...
I'll see if I can string that together within the next couple days.
In the meantime, I'm about done working out my numbers system for ranking my top 101 movies