[Calypso] Much ado about Alejandro's old girlfriend

It's funny... it was 2 years ago this weekend I finished posting all the chapters of this story on this blog. And I'm still finding things to tweak about it. I keep running into this situation where I'm ruminating about a certain aspect of the story, wondering if it'll make sense to the reader or if there's issues with continunity. I wind up going back into it and spending weeks on fixing/editing things. 

The latest of this ventures involves the ill-fated night where Alejandro was supposed to go out on a date with Talia. But instead an ex-girlfriend shows up at his place and Talia storms off, thinking the worst of the situation.
It's a pretty straight forward situation to explain. The typical rom-com has that misunderstanding plot twist except this one not only stopped a relationship between these characters starting in in the first place, but it led to a grudge that lasted a looong time. 
For whatever reason, I just felt the need to dive deeper into it. This girlfriend randomly disappears after this whole exchange and I guess I just didn't want anyone to expect her to reappear later in the story to mess with things. Between all the childhood and relationship trauma and the different storylines with the relationship characters, there's more than enough going on.

I also wanted to make sure the continuity with Alejandro's character is nailed down. 
He's the nephew of these two big bosses of the local drug enterprise. He's a bartender of their favorite hangout to do business. Off the record, he's not the most reliable person. He's in his early 20's and doesn't take on too much responsibility. Then he gets promoted to assistant manager and business starts to get bad and he's forced to take things more seriously. This is when he insists his and his girlfriend take a break for a little bit until things settle down.
Then he meets Talia and he more or less forgets Chica even existed.

As for Chica, I started to wonder what kind of girl she is. She probably has a lot of casual flings like Alejando used to do. She's definitely someone who prefers having fun to being serious. I imagine that he gave her the line about cooling things down until Calypso gets re-established, her seeing that the club is open and takes that opportunity to stop by his place to pick up where they left off. 
As for what happens to her after... I originally had a line about a restraining order. It seemed a little weak and not something that made sense in this fictional island. That's more of a thing that would happen in America. The brothers have enough influence to make people "disappear" like they did with Vanessa's boyfriend Richie, but that's a bit harsh for just a clingy ex-girlfriend. I thought about this book I read that I wasn't a fan of- "Bennington Girls are Easy." These girls all went to this private high school but after graduating, the main characters didn't get serious about taking jobs. They spend their adult lives coasting and mooching off their rich boyfriends... or sugar daddies because the one girl is with a man old enough to be her father. At least that's how I interpreted it. I could easily see Chica being one of these types of girls and I came up with a good line to suggest that future for her. 

For chapter 3, there's a lot of exposition but a few major plot things happen:
* we establish Talia and Alejandro's uneasy relationship
* the girls make plans for karaoke and while Vanessa walks Emilia home to talk more, Talia gets a late night call for a "business" meeting
* I give backstory on Calypso, the sirens and the kind of business they do when they're not on stage
* Talia has performance issues with Carlos and her friends see her fall to pieces 

Then in the next chapter, Emilia gets more information from Alejandro about that night. And he pretty much explains that the whole thing is a misunderstanding.
I also started to run into issues where I was asking myself the best way for Emilia to respond to all this. She's very naive about of a lot of things when it comes to relationships. In her conversation with Vanessa, I had a moment where I had her thinking "I got Talia to let Alejandro do a routine with us. I have a good chance of making peace between them." In a way, this does come to fruition, just not in the way she expected. But while she's very optimistic about things, I don't think she's that self-assured about her opinions quite yet. 

Ultimately I reached a point reworking things in Chapter 3 where I decided it might work bettter if I just removed the conversation between Vanessa and Emilia. But alluding to bits of it in her talk with Alejandro in chapter 4. Before the Vanessa-Emilia conversation, the last we see of Talia is talking a business call. It hit me that it'd be a much smoother transition to go from her taking to call to explaining what that might entail. 

I feel like I keep adding more and more things for the sake of clarity in this story. Clarity that only a handful of people might care about. But I also need to start keeping in mind how many of these details are essential and considering which serve the story and which do not. 

Behind the Calypso curtain- the origin of Food Truck Central and other trending topics

I’d start this post by saying it’s been a banner day in the world of Calypso but the amount of progress I’d made spans close to 48 hours.
While editing, I tried tinkering around with storylines involving Scarlet and Talia with their designated love interests… and wound up digging myself into an almost inescapable pitfall.

Scarlet, I made the ill advised decision to try putting some of my own conflicts into her character arc and quickly realized I shouldn’t be messing with perfection in order to force a personal narrative. Of all the characters in this story, she was the clearest in my head and the easiest to write. I went so far as to reread all of her scenes to make sure everything sounded right. Between the few things I kept from this experiment and what was already established, I think I succeeded in finding the right balance.
The one plus side I got out of it was adding a bit more to her boyfriend’s narrative so he has a bit more going on than just being a token love interest and guitar player in a band. And I just may have laid some groundwork for what he does in the epilogue. They’ll still be together but their careers might be in a different capacity in the music industry.

With Talia, I decided to up the sympathy for her when her story arc screeches to a halt mid novel. All based on a dream I had where Sara Bareilles played her.
It made me realize I’d done almost too good a job at making her unlikable so I had to bring things back around a little. All the characters have their flaws but I still want people to like them or relate to them. That particular section needed to be tidied up a bit to compensate but I think I’ve got it figured out now.

Then there’s today where I finally found the words for a bit of lore I’ve wanted to explain further for a while- about food truck central. (At a point in the near future, this will be added to the novel. Most likely with some edits and fixes cuz this is essentially a first draft)

Until the recent opening of La Scala, Food Truck Central was the island’s newest tourist attraction, only established within the last two years. It began when one of the local chefs quit their job at Cafe Agrodolce and decided to strike out on his own. Most of the eateries were run by first or second generation families, so it wasn’t uncommon for newer generations’ attempts to modernize to be rejected. After spending a summer traveling the southeastern United States and working for food at a multitude of establishments, he returned with a food truck and a head full of ideas. Word quickly spread and some of his friends in the industry followed a similar path. 

What began as four trucks, one for each of the streets in the downtown district (excluding the central avenue where Calypso and Cafe Alfresco resided), doubled and all eight had since taken over the section that had been previously intended for a new high rise hotel. Rumors of its demise still persist to this day. The most widely accepted explanation involved the same economic downturn that precipitated the establishment of Calypso. How the money ran out after the demolition of the desecrated building occupying the site and all plans for the new construction were scrapped mere weeks before it was set to begin. However, in some circles, the ill-fated enterprise was believed to be the fault of the brash young owner who squandered his investors’ capital on women and booze.
For nearly all of the owners of the cafes scattered throughout the island, the rise in popularity of food truck central served as a massive wake up call. Innovation and modernization went from being frowned upon to necessary in order to hold onto their talented staff until eventually becoming commonplace practices. Competition between the different trucks would get fierce at times, usually over parking spaces and the occasional dispute over whether imitation should be considered a compliment or a threat. However, the relationship between the trucks and the cafes remained amiable whether the cafe owners lent their expertise to the entrepreneurs or truck owners returned to the line to assist during staffing shortages.

In the midst of writing this, I stumbled upon another way to allude to Rodrigo in the story without specifically calling him out by name… part of me hopes someone will one day read it and put 2 and 2 together. Assuming they hadn't read any of these blog posts, lol

Otherwise, I’d been asking various questions that’ve come to mind and I’ve thought up answers along the way.
I have a Notes doc on my phone called “asked and answered” and I’ve gone into it whenever I feel the incination.
Like how there’s an al fresco restaurant Amber goes to a few times but later on she’s hanging around the food trucks during her lunch hour… I’ll build a little more on that later on.

And I think I wrote recently how Scarlet feels a little inferior to her sister because she doesn’t contribute as much to their rent and routines. Adding to that, I’ve decided to make her a thrift shopper who has a thing for vintage. Some of this might be inspired by the Lying Game book series since Emma is big on thrift stores. But another inspiration source for scarlet has been Alice from twilight, particularly the playfulness Ashley Greene brought to her role playing her. Alice also has a thing for vintage clothing and I put a bunch of hand me down stuff together to play her for Halloween one year.

Normally I’m not a big fan of dresses and skirts and sometimes I’ll put myself in the mindset of one of my characters when coordinating outfits for going to restaurants and nicer family gatherings.
And probably the next thing I work on is incorporating more fashion talk into the story. Notably how the sirens will still maintain some decorum when going out in public but Talia is a little more relaxed about their wardrobe choices- opposed to Calypso where they are essentially “in costume” for rehearsals and the shows themselves. This mentality borrows a little bit from how Prince led his bands. They always had to follow certain wardrobe guidelines and I’ve always sort of envisioned Talia being that type of leader. Although she’d be a little less offended by an outsider referring to clothing as “costumes” (there’s apparently a story about this where Prince got offended at someone making a similar comment… the first and last time the person telling this story ever saw him in blue jeans… I know, right? Shock! Horror!)

I’d been steadily working towards enhancing the lore of the island and its various attractions and I’d made some good progress. Part of me was a bit concerned I’d been spending too much time on these incidentals, creating more work for myself and further delaying what’ll ultimately be the next step.
Once I narrow down whatever genre this story fits into, I might query some agents to see if anything happens. If not, I think I might pursue self publishing on Amazon.
I swear if I were a little more creative I’d record audio of me reading for the various characters or better yet putting on different costumes and playing them myself for a YouTube video series. Things that sound fun in my head but the idea of actually doing them and making myself look silly doing so… it’s kinda intimidating.
At least with the audio idea I can establish guidelines for how all the characters sound in my head. Once I have a final product I’m happy with I might look into that further.

Prelude to Calypso- Vanessa's "Cinderella" Story

I have a list of over 60 songs that went on to inspire various scenes in the story. A handful of them, you could say, make me feel like a proud parent as they represent pivotal moments in these characters’ lives. When they finally rise to the occasion to reclaim their narrative and overcome whatever obstacles that had been holding them back.

Amber’s song later became “You & I” by Lady Gaga, where she’s finally able to show the crowd and Alejandro who she really is on stage.

Then of course, Talia and JP having their reconciliation duet with “My heart is Open” by Maroon 5 feat. Gwen Stefani.
That song is already powerful on its own… I mean, it is a Sia song with her complete bag of tricks and emotions. But I swear, if this book becomes a Broadway show or a movie, I want to be in the crowd when they start cheering as Talia’s happy ending finally comes together.

Vanessa’s moment of triumph was referenced in Chapter 10, where the climax of her birthday showcase was set to “Cinderella” by Britney Spears. But because it predated the events of the story, this is all the reader is able to glimpse of it. Which is a bit of a shame because it’s such a cool moment.

 

So I decided while re-reading my notes today; I want to share the full story. Which will ultimately be me just copying my notes straight from my notebook. I didn’t date everything but it looks to be one of my earlier ideas, using that particular Britney song in this fashion, because the date listed after the initial installment was 2014 and I started writing this whole book in 2012.

I have two versions of the narrative. While I can’t say for sure if I remembered I had already written it once, I’m happy enough with the end result to include both versions.

And also, these are written almost word for word except for a few grammatical errors here and there. So excuse how good/bad the actual writing this. This is essentially first draft material.

 

Version 1

Talia was returning from a liquor run when she ran into a familiar face.

“Vanessa, is that you?”

When she caught her eye, she quickly turned away but responded. “Talia? I can’t believe it. It’s been such a long time.” Although her voice was upbeat, Talia saw through the façade immediately.

“Vanessa, what is it? Why won’t you meet my eye?” She turned Vanessa toward her with a touch of her hand. With her other, she removed the hand Vanessa used to shield her face. She gasped at the black eye and how her bangs were in extreme disarray. “Oh my…” Talia scrambled to get her words, the right ones, in order. “Who has done this to you?”

“It’s nothing. Really.”

Talia crossed her arms and gave her the hardest stare she could manage. “How long has this been going on?” When she didn’t reply, Talia grabbed her wrist. “Fine. We won’t talk here so I will take you to a place where you can talk. Hold these.” She handed her the bag with bottles of rum and tequila before pulling her in the direction of the club. They handed the booze to Alejandro before sitting down in the empty manager’s office.

“Ok, start talking and don’t sugarcoat this.”

Vanessa collapsed in sobs between her hands, but her words remained intelligible. “My parents sent me off to college, but I didn’t want the career they wanted for me. a steady paycheck, a doctor or lawyer, better than they ever had. I started taking dance classes but couldn’t afford the full cost of lessons. My boyfriend started helping me out and I decided to stop school once I had enough experience to become a teacher myself. Then he changed. He got possessive and wanted me to stop partners’ Latin dancing because it made him jealous. That’s when the beatings started. A couple times, it got so bad I ran away but I had nowhere else to go. He knows this, but when I came back, he’s sorry and has something new that he bought me. The make-up sex wasn’t bad either.”

“Did he ever force you to…”

“No,” she quickly responded. “But when his eyes raged when he beat me crumbled up on the floor, I know he’s thinking it. Maybe this time is when he will…”

Talia slammed her hands on the desk. “No! There will not be another time. Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“All my clothes and belongings are there. I can’t just leave. And what if he comes here looking for me?”

“All right, but I’m not letting you go there alone.” She reached for the rotary phone and started dialing. “The brothers helped a couple friends of mine in the past. They’ll help us fix this.”

***

The brothers came as back-up, but Vanessa returned with Talia to her loft to gather her belongings. Every outfit she got while working at the dance studio and taking classes, her music collection and, despite Talia’s objections of having anything her boyfriend gave her, the lingerie and negligees that served as peace offerings. “He knows I can’t resist a good set of lingerie. Sometimes it makes me feel sexier than dancing the lambada.”

Just then, they heard a scuffle outside. Trash cans fell over and doors slammed. Three sets of footsteps followed. The brothers must have thrown him through the door. The amount of force made any balance impossible.

“Richie… you’re early. I didn’t think you’d be back until late.”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about before, so I came home to make it up to you.” He brushed himself off and assessed the room with a hint of macho sarcasm. “What’s going on, Vanessa? What’s with the heavies? Are you going somewhere?”

Talia came in between them, holding her ground. “Can you blame her, honestly blame her, Richie?”

“Who is this?” His voice cracked with anger.

“Never mind who I am. Nobody treats my friend the way you have. I’m getting her out of here. We’ll do it by force if we have to.”

“Yeah, I see that.” He looked around her to Vanessa. “Baby, after all I did so you can do your dancing… this is it?” He handed her the bag. She gasped when she looked inside. “It’s gorgeous. You really do have good taste.”

Talia snatched it up. “Vanessa, you can’t seriously be considering staying. For this.”

“No, I’m going. But I really should model it for Richie before I go.”

***

          Vanessa went into her old bedroom to change, but through the thin walls, Talia heard her make a number of calls to girlfriends. One by one, they came streaming into the loft. The last one held a boombox. When they come out, all eight were wearing lingerie. Vanessa came to the front wearing a valentine red negligee. She winked at Talia. “Thanks, Tal. I think I’ll take it from here. We spent months preparing for this and I needed that extra push to go through with it… hit it!” The boombox then started playing. “Get him in the chair, girls.”

A blonde and brunette grabbed Richie by each elbow and sat him down in one of the kitchen table chairs. While mouthing the lyrics, Vanessa gave him what appeared to be a lap dance. Something she’d clearly done for him several times before. Then without warning at the end of the second line, she slapped him hard across the face. The blonde and brunette stood on each side of her as they danced a few feet in front of him. They swayed back and forth, shifting weight from one foot to another in rhythm to the music. Their elbows stayed together, parallel to their chest until they smacked the sides of their closed fists together as if to say ‘we’re breaking your balls for this.’ One by one, the girls picked up one of the Vanessa’s packed bags to take with them to the brothers’ club. She kept performing to Richie, dashing backwards on her way out the door. “Ciao, my love, and good riddance.”

Talia delayed her stunned expression enough to develop her own message. “If you try to hurt her again, you’ll have my people to answer to.” Talia raced to keep up with the girls who were gallivanting through the streets, practically waking up the whole neighborhood. The lights came on one by one and people ran to their balconies and windows. Somehow, though, they were cheering instead of complaining.

They found their way back to the club. Vanessa must have given them the address over the phone. When she caught up to them inside, they’d taken over the entire floor. All the chairs and tables were moved out of the way. The steps grew more advanced as time went on. Every part of their body had a part to play. It had the magnitude of a Britney Spears music video and Talia had trouble keeping her jaw off the floor. The choreography was concise, likely the results of months of practice.

Scarlet arrived a few moments later. “Is that Vanessa?”

          “It is. It took a little convincing to get her going but when she does, she always packs a wallop.”

          “Do you think she could teach us to move like that?” Their eyes never strayed from Vanessa’s “break-up” routine but they agreed this was what the club needed. ”With your cha-cha, my belly dancing and the training Vanessa has, I think we have something fantastic on our hands.”

…

Takeaways:

·        The narrative changes between versions whether Richie was a high school boyfriend or a college sweetheart. I’m honestly not sure which I prefer. I do like the idea that he supported her dancing when her parents didn’t think it was a suitable career choice. But I’m also not sure whether it suits her character to be practical like her parents or to have a rebellious streak thanks to Richie. All I know for sure is that her career as a dance teacher is something he winds up not approving.

·        A number of times in the main story, Vanessa says how Talia helped her get out of this bad situation. So it would make sense for Talia to be more instrumental in her leaving him. A little more than simply her confronting Vanessa about leaving and she just agrees like that.

·        This is also a bit of a reminder I need to write somewhere in the story about how giving dance lessons is a popular job in the heat of tourism season. And how maybe some of the top students wound up taking over teaching when Vanessa left for Calypso. It seems to be an ongoing cycle where top students wind up becoming teachers when the current teacher leaves for a better opportunity elsewhere.

…

Version 2

[starts with a series of bullet points where I’m working things out before a narrative starts coming together. Focusing on Vanessa and Richie’s history together]

·        They knew each other in high school, but he was 2 grades ahead of her

·        They met sometime after Talia stops coming into school and he fills in that void as her friend. Then it gets serious after he graduates.

·        It’s a Romeo and Juliet situation where her parents don’t want them involved because a relationship would get in the way of making a solid career for herself. And he works odd jobs as a mechanic and in construction and not enough money. They think she’ll meet someone more suitable in college. She’s very serious about him because she isn’t super close with anyone else

·        She decides to drop out her senior year and move in with him and they [her parents] cut her off completely and she never reaches out to them again. (They may/may not have arranged a relationship and she’s not into their choice for her…)

·        She comes across a dance studio when she goes to move in with him and remembers how she took lessons during the summer. Before her parents pushed her in the direction of a more stable career. And it has a Wanted sign for “instructor- will train”. She’s so talented, this transition to instructor happens quickly.

·        A lot of his construction jobs fall short of completion because the money runs out a lot of the time. (This may explain why Amber’s side of town- The Underground- is underdeveloped). But his lack of sufficient work leaves him frustrated and he takes some of this out on Vanessa. It also gets to a point where she’s the only one bringing in money and he worries she’ll find someone else and leave him. So he does everything he can to keep her from seeing other guys. He orders her not to have any male students and gets into the habit of walking her home so she’s unable to have a life outside of it. The others ask her questions when bruises start showing up and they put the pieces together on their own. She’s also afraid to go back to her parents and ask for help, thinking they wouldn’t take her back. And she also doesn’t want to admit they were right

·        Talia meets Vanessa when she’s out on her lunch break. It’s a day when he has an interview so she’s able to get away for a little while. It’s somewhere in the area with some cafes and food joints where the food trucks inevitably take over. They get to talking for a few minutes but she panics she’s running late and Talia insists on coming with her. She goes into the back to freshen up. Talia asks if anyone knows anything and they tell her about how possessive Richie has gotten.

 

“I want to help set things right, but I’ll need everyone’s help.” Vanessa comes back and gathers they’d talked.

“It’s fine. I don’t need anyone’s help. I got myself into this and I need to find my own way out.”

Talia crosses her arms. “The Vanessa I knew in school would have already left then. This cannot go on anymore. I don’t want my old friend to lose more than her dignity.”

“Dignity? What would you know about dignity? You left school and didn’t come back and I didn’t know what happened to you. Real friends tell each other everything. Even the hard stuff.”

Talia winced for a moment and took another few seconds to collect herself. “You don’t want to hear about the skeletons in my closet.” She put her arm behind her back and rubbed the crux of her elbow with her other hand.

“Ok. Not everything but if you tell me one secret, I’ll let you help me.”

Talia swallowed and nodded. “You have yourself a deal. After your class, I’ll tell you about it on the way back to your place.” She then proceeded to the stereo. “But first, a special lesson for your class if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, not at all.” Vanessa turns to the others. “Talia was taught belly dance from a young age. Nobody is better than her.”

“Hmm… I’ve picked up a few tricks since the last time we saw me.” She ran through the CD sleeves until she found the one she wanted. “Perfect…”

Without further comment, she got in the middle of the studio floor and the others gave her room. Her movements were subtle to start to fit the music. The slightest curve to her hips as they swayed. The occasional flicker of her wrist. Just enough eye contact to draw their interest. Then momentum started to increase. She straightened her posture and moved her cha-cha hips backwards but on each barrage of claps, she held her hands up for flamenco response. Then on the chorus, she held her skirt in line with her waist and sauntered forward. But all the flirtation was in her eyes, eyelashes and smile. The bridge featured her specialty, creating waves that ran through her core but her attention appeared to be on another planet or galaxy. Vanessa shook her head, astonished. She didn’t know where Talia pictured herself in that moment but she exuded so much happiness she was almost jealous.

She finished and the room erupted with applause. Outside, a small crowd of spectators had also gathered and showed their appreciation. A sly smile creeped across her face and she stepped outside for a moment to accept compliments and let them know there’d be more that to come when Calypso had its grand opening in the coming weeks.

Vanessa hadn’t caught any of this- she was still overcoming her astonishment. The students chattered amongst themselves and she picked up a few phrases among the drone. Compliments for Talia. Wanting to see more from her. Others hoping Vanessa would take her offer and that this convinced her.

Talia came in, blush coating her cheeks but her eyes were all business. “So, what do you think?”

Vanessa exhaled, “Wow... the way you blended the different styles together so effortlessly. And how much of the performance was about subtle eye contact and facial expressions.”

“It comes with experience. But that wasn’t what I meant. Will you come with me? We go back to your place, you pack one bag and we leave. And if your loser of a boyfriend tries to stop us, well, let’s just say I have friends that can help us.”

Vanessa looked around and nearly all of her students nodded or urged her “do it.” Finally, she rolled her eyes. “Ok, I’ll get my things. Just one moment.”

In the moments she was in the back room, Talia told the others to collaborate on a routine and to meet them at the big building at the end of the main drag. “Alejandro will let you in. Say you’re with me and there should be no problem.” Vanessa came back but before they walked out, she added. “Now it’s your turn.”

Vanessa led the way but the first several minutes were quiet. She turned back to look at Talia. Her eyes shifted from one side of the street to the other as if on edge. “Talia, you promised… come on…” She softened her tone progressively, “if it’s too much, start small. What happened that made you leave school?”

As solid as her gaze had been, vulnerability broken through her tough façade. “Do you remember my telling you my mother remarried?”

“Yeah- you liked the guy but you had reservations.”

“Well, I left because my boyfriend cheated on me and that bastard had me convinced no man would be good enough for me. He offered to homeschool me, but also seduced me into bed with him. On multiple occasions.” Vanessa gasped, covering her mouth. “He was generous and kind. At the end, he was only using me. He stole from my new employers the same way he stole from me. My mother left when she found out about us. And he took my virtue and everything my mother saved up for me. The least I could do was give the brothers a new proposition to earn their money back from the product he stole. That’s where Calypso comes in.”

“What’s that?”

“It was a restaurant the brothers gave their nephew Alejandro to run. But business is bad right now. Something new and exciting needs to draw in new customers. One of the waitresses agreed to help me and it would be great to have you as a third.”

In the time that passed, Talia’s countenance did a complete 180. She was defeated and uncomfortable about relaying her secret. But once Calypso came into the picture, everything about her sparkled and Vanessa found her offer impossible to resist. It felt like a dream that made her float into the sky. Then they arrived at her apartment and her stomach crashed to the ground.

Talia patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry. This all ends tonight. Go in and get everything ready. I have a few calls to make.” After Vanessa let herself in, Talia hung outside the door and dialed into her new cell phone. The island didn’t have great cell service yet, but through the brothers’ connections, she was better off than most. She rang the club and Alejandro picked up on the first ring.

“Calypso- where the drinks are cold and the entertainment is hot.”

She rolled her eyes. “Really, Alejandro? Is that the best you can do?”

“Talia…” he gasped and grabbed the edge of the counter to steady himself. “What’s going on? There’s a dozen women here that tell me you sent them.”

“Did you let them in?”

“Yes, of course I let them in. They’d been hard at work. But what’s the plan here? We’re not due to open for another week.”

“Quit worrying yourself. This is something special just for tonight. I’m helping out an old friend who’s in a bit of trouble.”

“Ok, well, be careful.”

“You just make sure our visitors have everything they need. If all goes to plan, we should arrive in the next half hour.” She hung up before he could respond and called the brothers to lend some backup in case Vanessa’s boyfriend proved difficult to deal with.

Talia entered Vanessa’s bedroom and immediately paused to take inventory. It looked like her closet and wardrobe exploded. Dresses and skirts were strewn all over the floor and her bed. She sighed, “Ok, first off, you only need your finest clothes. We need to make a good impression.”

“I know but some are perfect for cha-cha, others for samba. Not to mention my tons of lingerie.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Lingerie? How much?” She opened the chest and found rows of them neatly pressed and folded.

“Richie knows they’re my weakness so when we fight like this, he always comes back with a new set. But most of these I bought myself.”

“Here’s what I’d do. two of each main color, one lace, one plain. If you have your favorites, bring those… but nothing that loser gave you. No reminders of any of this.”

“Ok, I’ll be another few minutes.”

Talia check her phone and found a text saying back up was on the way. Vanessa came out with two bags after another five minutes passed. Talia quickly ushered two large bald men into the kitchen so they could spring the trap whenever needed.

After getting a quick look at them, Vanessa panicked. “Maybe we should forget this whole thing. Richie was good to me when my parents kicked me out. He believed in my dream when they refused to see the potential in it.”

“Vanessa,” Talia grabbed her shoulders. “Listen to me. All of that may be true but from what you said to me earlier, that part of him is not making the rules anymore. This man controls you and hurts you when you won’t do exactly what he says. You are not this damsel in distress. You are a queen and the ruler of your own destiny. Have faith in yourself.”

Another knock came at the door. Some of Vanessa’s students were on the other side. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

She looked to Talia who shrugged. “It would seem I am not alone in thinking this was a good idea.”

“Exactly! We’re not letting you back out now. You offered to teach us for free until we could get the funds to pay you back. Now it is our turn to help you.”

“Ok, ok, you’re right! All of you. Now wait in the bedroom… I have a plan and we’re going to leave here in style.”

As soon as they shut themselves inside, Richie burst through the door with a shopping bag in hand. “Baby, I got the job…” he spoke, his eyes shining with joy until he looked around. Both Vanessa and Talia had their arms crossed and the two bouncers emerged from the kitchen, cracking their knuckles. “Vanessa, what’s going on here? What’s with the heavies?” More swiftly than their physiques would have you believe, they grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him in a chair, tying his hands behind his back. “I come back to apologize and this is the thanks I get?”

He struggled to get loose but the ropes were too tight. Vanessa pointed to the bag he dropped on the floor in the scuffle. “Is this for me?”

“Yeah… it’s lace and leather, just the way you like it. Now have these goons untie me and we can work this out.” She lifted the black frock up and stroked the fabric.

“It’s gorgeous. Much softer than it looks.” Her stiff posture gradually softened and Talia hissed, “Vanessa… don’t think what you’re thinking. You need to come with me and leave all of this behind.”

“Shut up, bitch! This doesn’t concern you!”

The bouncer on his left stomped on his foot, yielding a scream. “Show Ms. Talia respect.”

“I have to try this on. Be right back.” Talia chased after her but short of closing the bedroom door, she winked, “I know exactly how to play this.”

Hushed voices hatched a plan behind closed doors. Talia divided her attention between it and Richie, who sulked, staring at the ground. She shook her head. “Men like you disgust me. You think we are just property to you. A prize to show off. But guess what—we are stronger and more capable than you give us credit for.”

He scoffed, “Hmph. You don’t know how Vanessa is around lingerie. Just wait. She’ll come busting out here to give me a lap dance while the rest of you can only watch.”

Before Talia could ask her bodyguards to act, the door burst open with music blasting. One of the dancers had a boombox playing a song from the same album Talia danced to only an hour ago. The other girl followed with Vanessa right behind. All three were clad in camisoles, fishnets and stiletto boots. Vanessa approached Richie, stopping short of sitting on his lap. His smugness quickly gave way to confusion. She flipped her hair in his face, placing her hands on his shoulders. She caressed them for a moment but then grabbed his forehead and shoved it back with her palm. After stepping back to fall in line with the others, their movements were as tight as a pop performance on a music award show with plenty of sass and attitude. Then at the height of the chorus, Vanessa slapped Richie so hard across the face, she almost knocked over the chair holding him captive.

 The sound of it was so jarring, all of the other girls jumped. They crowded around the stereo and turned it off. Vanessa beamed, “Ok girls, each of you grab a bag. We’re out of here!” The girls cheered and rushed out the door.

Talia cocked an eyebrow back at Richie and told the two bouncers, “you two know what to do. Make sure he’s unrecognizable by the time you’re done with him.”

“What? No… Vanessa! Baby, after everything I did for you and your dream, you can’t just leave me here with these…” Before he could utter another atrocity, he got punched in the ribs from both sides.

With one hand on the door frame, Vanessa let out one last sigh for the good old days. “Sorry, Richie, but this Cinderella is out of here.”

The hooting and hollering continued as the girls skipped down the street. As they drew closer to their destination, the cheering got louder. More of Vanessa’s students appeared on either side of the street, applauding ravenously.

Vanessa did a double take. “Talia- did you do this?”

“It was only appropriate. Not all girls are able to leave their abusers in the dust so a victory lap was in order.” Calypso came into view at the end of the street. Vanessa’s jaw dropped. The large brick building looked imposing but as she took in the view for a few minutes, the warmth in her heart told her she was finally home.

Talia patted her on the shoulder. “After you… hit it!” Like that, music started blasting from inside the building. “Alejandro says that sound system had needed an update forever. I admit he did a good job restoring it.” This comment she kept to herself, though.

“What’s that?”

“Come on.” Talia nudged her forward to push the door open.

“Whoa…”

The same song from before was playing but at the final bridge. Across the massive dance floor in the middle of the room in four rows of five, her students danced the same choreography she’d worked on for months but with some alterations of their own. She marveled at them as she walked to the front of the room but when she recognized the final chorus was about to begin, she rushed to the stage and immediately started her own steps. Her smile grew so big it nearly blinded the whole room.

Talia could only stand back and admire the sight. Scarlet emerged from the storeroom behind the bar and came to Talia’s side to admire the view. “So that’s Vanessa? She did it?”

“Yeah, she did. And now we can finally begin our master plan to save Calypso.”

…

Takeaways:

·        Really enjoyed revisiting the guys’ dialogue. Talia might say otherwise but sometimes I think Alejandro could be the best character in the book

·        Re-reading all this, I couldn’t help thinking: man, I love this version of Talia. In the book, she’s cynical and moody and not that fun to be around. But she’s definitely the type of girl you don’t want to mess with when she has an axe to grind and you happen to be a dude

Maybe someday I'll find a way to mesh these two together and have a full comprehensie flashback. But for now, this will have to do.

Evangeline- a “Calypso” tribute

After a couple read throughs, this project is in the midst of edits and various cleanups. Whether it’s adding to the mythos of certain places and people in this world or ironing out details that may not make complete sense at face value.

Anyway, while doing this, I’d been rereading some of my old notes. Most of which was backstory to help establish who some of my characters are and, for better or worse, how they came to be the way they are.

This entry is dedicated to one particular character who was mentioned by name in the story a couple of times, but sadly was no longer around for the reader to meet.

***

I started working on “Calypso” in 2012 and during that time, one of my favorite pastimes was competition shows like American Idol and The Voice. It makes me sad to think this is no longer the case…
Before I gave up on these shows, I got to know some interesting people through their progressions each season.

One of those people was Juliette Simms- who had the misfortune of finishing second to one of many “Voice” winners you never heard from again.
She had a great rocker voice and an undeniable badass stage presence. I could go on about how she deserved better but I only bought her “all or nothing” EP when it dropped on iTunes.

This isn’t the first time (and probably won’t be the last) where a strong female artist or character resonated with me to the point I based on a character on them. It would usually start with their aesthetic or what it was that stood out to me about them. The rest wrote itself in due time to where there was very little connection between the two other than that initial spark.

But with Juliette, this sort of happened in a roundabout way. I didn’t write Evangeline (named after one of her songs, which had a 70s rock vibe and memorable protagonist) intending for her own story.
Instead she contributed to Amber’s origin story in a big way. Particularly the part in her character arc where “Amber” is the new name she goes by.
I’d been in the process of writing about Carmen, her and Scarlet being friends and how Talia’s arrival drove a wedge between them. But then I already had the concept of Amber in my head and realized there had to be a transition from one persona to the next.
Amber’s whole shtick is being overly provocative on stage with props and such, to where Talia didn’t trust Emilia around her. When I decided Carmen left because she rejected Talia’s sexy vision for Calypso’s dancers, I needed to bridge that gap. How and why did Amber become the very thing she found so objectionable.

I ultimately decided she needed a mentor or at least someone to get her another job on the dodgy side of town. Evangeline manifested and was the perfect character for that situation.

Whenever I listen to the song, I imagine a girl in her mid 20s. White shirt off the shoulder like Flashdance but with cutoff shorts. Wavy dirty blonde hair that’s somewhat wild but never fully out of control.

I never wrote down a verbatim origin story but going off the little exposition I do have, I imagine Evangeline coming to the island as a runaway. And her new boyfriend Isaac set her up with a job and helped her get established. The job happens to be a strip bar and all the waitresses are hookers in his outfit. They also happen to have BDSM as their specialty.
Once Amber finds all this out, it’s obviously shocking and sort of like Sherrie in Rock of Ages, she’s hesitant to go from waitress to stripper even if the latter is a more lucrative gig. The way she expresses her hesitation, she essentially says “I’m not lowering myself to that.”
I didn’t occur to me until just now, but it would’ve been really easy for me to have Evangeline be dismissive of this. Scoffing “you think you’re better than everyone else, you’re not” or “wake up- we have to do this because we have no other choice. How dare you act like there’s options for us, girls with no family, education or means to do more with our lives”
I’d made comments in a chat room while I was in college how I didn’t “approve” of how the girls in my dorm were helping themselves to the free condoms being given out one day at the health center. I got responses back telling me either to grow up, I’m not their mother and it’s none of my business. Looking back, I understand where my head was at and where I might have been wrong. Being provided with protection is a very good thing and should be encouraged. But at the time I interpreted it as “you’re giving people extra freedom to sleep around with multiple people”… that might be true and might not. I never talked to my roommates about this stuff.

Anyway Evangeline talks Amber into thinking this is acceptable with the guise that “this is all an act, you can make up a new identity and that’s the person turning tricks, not you”.
Ultimately Amber does have to come around and accept the fact you have to do what you have to or you won’t achieve anything.

Then her relationship with Isaac, it was the one of the first things I wrote that was inspired by 50 shades of grey. Which I read strictly for research, not because that stuff really appeals to me. (The movies were better, although mostly in all the R rated stuff being condensed and the inner monologue eliminated entirely)
There’s a startling scene Amber stumbles across where the two of them are together in western getup and bondage and other paraphernalia is involved. She talks to her about it afterwards and said it looked to her like assault and is brushed off since it’s under the s&m umbrella.
But all that said, a lot of how Isaac conducts himself is like Christian Grey.

Fast forward, Evangeline falls in love with another woman who’d come through their side of town. How they get along together reminds Amber of how she was treated when she first came but adds in her monologuing how there’s something different going on between the two women and it doesn’t take long to confirm. There’s an episode where Evangeline comes home drunk and kisses Amber and they talk about it later on… Evangeline admitting while being bi she prefers women to men and laments not figuring that sooner… suggesting that she prefers the non s&m type sex she has with her girlfriend.

I’m honestly not sure if this is a believable comment to make or if anyone with bisexual leanings would put it like that.
Then again a lot of the conversations I have my characters have throughout the story- someone might argue it’s too American to be believe for a location that’s not in America. The island it takes place is a fictional melting pot thanks to all the tourism and people who’ve stayed to make their fortune. Ideally it would be a place like st Martaan where half the island is French and half is English.
But a lot of my characters were born in America and came over later- the only exceptions being Talia and Alejandro, who’d lived there their whole lives. And their families have rich Spanish roots going back generations which is why they have stronger accents in my head when I read their dialogue.

The end of Evangeline’s story is Isaac finds out about her girlfriend and kills them both in bed. Amber finds Evangeline dying a slow painful death, his logic being so she’ll feel the gravity of her mistake longer.
And her final words are to fight for the life she left behind. First because Isaac wants to kill her next, claiming she converted Evangeline to being a lesbian. Obviously not true but the guy’s angry and therefore makes his own narrative to justify his actions. But she essentially says “take it from me, I found out too late what I wanted and didn’t get to fight for it”.

So Amber returns to Calypso under her new identity and pays homage to her friend between her act and her bravado. How much is imitation and how is her putting on her own act, I’m not sure.
Then Isaac finds her, kidnaps her and does his bondage thing… and I revisit that one scene in the third 50 shades book where Anastasia is forced to use her safe word. It’s also partially that scene at the end of sucker punch where Oscar Isaac flips out saying “you don’t go until I say so” and the high roller already did his job with babydoll.

All that’s left of Evangeline otherwise- the venue named after her and the rumor Isaac started about Amber all the other girls hold onto to this day because no one was around to tell them different. Amber is aware of the rumors but chooses to ignore them and do her own thing- which is helping her friends and former Calypso employees to turn the place she used to work into their own business where they dance. If this story continued into a sequel I’d picture it as a magic mike type of place. But it’s in the dodgy side of town so no one else believes it’ll be profitable enough to maintain easily.

What genre is it anyway?- classifying “Calypso”

Life was so much easier when I only wrote YA romantasy fiction- which is basically high school age fiction with fantastical elements driving the plot of the story.

Now… I’m at a bit of a loss. I’d be off querying multiple agents at once if I had any idea what kind of story this is. I didn’t exactly give that a lot of thought when I was writing it and that process started over a decade ago.
Of course there is the option of just calling it a work of literary fiction and casting a massive net. But that could substantially decrease my chances of it going anywhere. So I’d rather create even more work for myself by trying to narrow things down.

First off- I know a few genres it is not.
It’s not:

*Sci-fi or fantasy (although you could argue that some elements of the story are so unrealistic- such as how the business and the acts are financed and the notion of women voluntarily prostituting themselves)
*Young adult or children’s fiction- with the average age of the main characters being mid 20s
*Erotica (sex scenes and prostitution notwithstanding, there’s not nearly enough of that content where it would fit in. I may have written the thing but I'm still not someone comfortable talking about that context with strangers, let alone people I know)
*Historical (since it’s present day, probably set around 2012)

Which leaves me with, in all likelihood, women’s fiction since the majority of the main characters are women,
My issue with this is that most women’s fiction tends to be fluffy fiction you find in hallmark movies or as drug store paperbacks. None of which this story is- it’s not super dramatic or suspenseful but it’s not what you’d call “cozy”.
It may be comforting for women who’ve gone through hardship to read about others who found a way to work through it… for the most part. With any sort of trauma, there’s no such thing as an easy recovery. It’s not a straight line. It has ups and downs and you’ll have your fair share of good and bad days. The key is striking that balance, acknowledging/understanding why you feel the way you do and riding out the storm until it passes.

Because a lot of my brainstorming for this involved music and a lot of inspiration came from those songs, in a perfect world, this would be a musical like Chicago or a TV series like Glee.
Or an HBO series but with limited language, sex and nudity. I’d give an example but I haven’t seen a lot of series on HBO or those movie channels because they overdo it with these things. I realize that’s what sells these series but the last thing I want is something I put a lot of work into being something I’m not comfortable watching because it goes too far in that direction.
There is a way to do these things tastefully without overdoing it. I may be alone in this mindset but I wouldn’t have written it if I didn’t think it was possible.
And as far as the musical aspect goes, I’ll have to reread to be sure but I’m pretty sure the various venues in the story are the only places songs come into play. It’s not as if someone is walking home from work and spontaneously breaking into song… although there may be one or two exceptions… I’ll have to double check.
And in terms of language, I think the F word is only used maybe 3-5 times. Amber says “shit” a couple times and Alejandro could almost have “dios mio” as a catch phrase because he says it twice. But just because I gave him an accent doesn’t mean I want to turn him into a stereotype. After watching one or two series recently where no one can go on a tirade without yelling the f word multiple times, I know I definitely don’t want to do that. Cursing, just like sex and nudity, has to be used strategically for maximum impact. Otherwise you just become numb and you barely notice it’s there

When I do my writing, in addition to putting myself in my characters’ shoes in order to channel how they’d feel in certain circumstances, I often view the story as a movie in my head. But with this particular story, it’s hard not to imagine a visual representation of it.
Which is why it’s so tempting for me to do what geniuses like Prince and Charlie Chaplin did- they wrote and directed everything themselves to have complete creative control over their vision. (Of all his filmography, Prince only did this with graffiti bridge. It wasn’t received well for multiple reasons but he was satisfied enough with the end result that my point still holds true).
And yeah, this would just be another way of me delaying the inevitable or whatever— but times like this, I do seriously consider writing a screenplay version of how I’d want this story to go. And maybe while doing it, I figure out if it was better suited as a tv limited series or a series of movies. Or hell, a stage musical for Broadway if I’m crazy enough to attempt it.

But as it is with a lot of my creative pursuits, it’s fun to imagine but it tends to be a huge pain when it comes to putting in the work to do it. The fact it took me so long to write this story from start to finish- regardless of the fact I never gave myself a hard deadline- is proof of that.

One other thing I'm sure I'll do at some point also- recording myself doing the dialogue from this just so I have a record of how I hear all the characters sounding like in my head when I write their lines.

Naming characters in fiction- intentional or coincidental?

I’m sure all writers have their own methodology when it comes to this particular part of the creative process. They can either pay homage to someone they know or their name means something in another language, which in turn says something about the character themselves or what to expect from their story arc.

For me, 9 times out of 10- I have zero intention behind the names I pick. I just start writing and a name comes to mind that feels good enough to keep.
Phil Collins had been asked in interviews about who Sussido is and his answer was along the lines of “it was a filler word just to complete the phrase until finding something better and nothing came along”.
Sometimes I’ve done the same thing… I start thinking of a character and use a placeholder name until it sticks.

The most recent thing I wrote happens to be one of those rare times I chose the names with intention.
Except for Natalia, all the names of the sirens connected back in some way to something else.
My favorite name of all the ones I picked for the story hands down is Alejandro. Maybe in my top 10 Lady Gaga songs but now it makes me think of a character who went through a lot of changes in the creative process, from a potential villain to an unspoken hero.

The funniest part of this whole process to me— I randomly pick a name because it sounds good and I sort of realize after the fact I might have subconsciously picked it up from somewhere else in pop culture…
One of which i discovered recently and honestly have no explanation for, haha.

My original romantasy story that I wrote in high school- I chose two names intentionally because they reference two of my favorite characters at that time.
Jonas was the main character in The Giver. But I didn’t come up with the name right away. I had someone with dark hair and pale blue eyes- the eyes were inspired by my high school crush at the time. And since the character in the book had those things in common, it felt like a natural fit. Personality wise, both are studious and have to carry a burden on their shoulders but the similarities end there.
Mai, the gossip queen who later becomes a close friend- Mai Valentine from Yu-Gi-Oh! will always come to mind when I write about her. I’ve played around with other names to erase that connection but I don’t know if I ever will.
Nina, Jonas’s future love interest- like with Natalia afterwards, just a name I’ve always liked.

Then there’s their other friends.
Corey and Eric vie to be Mai’s boyfriend and this comes between their friendship… I don’t think I was watching boy meets world at the time but I might have picked those names up from seeing commercials. Their personalities couldn’t be any more different.

Recently I realized with Mai’s friend group- I have Rachel Monica and Bonnie… I might have been watching Friends at the time but I swear I didn’t do it intentionally. This hit me last week and I was like “I can’t believe I did that”… again don’t know if I’ll change the names going forward or not. Their personalities are starting to come together but so far they have nothing in common with Rachel green or Monica geller.
Bonnie is another name I’ve always liked- I have a cousin with that name but I don’t know for sure if I’d met her or not. I also named my second rabbit Bonnie and I had her for 7 years.
(Peter, Jonas’s guardian- another name I’ve liked forever but also I named my first rabbit Peter after the Beatrix potter character… nothing but coincidence there)


So you can kinda see how my mind works… just a series of happy coincidences, but as is the case with all the trivia shows I watch, I can sometimes draw knowledge from the most random places. I'll remember where I got it from a lot of the time, but how I retained it... that'll remain one of life's great mysteries, haha

Behind the Calypso curtain: how the sirens’ personalities reflect my own

While the events in the story never happened to me personally, I spent a fair amount of time putting myself in the shoes of the characters who did.
I’ve had the idea of an all-female cast for a while and they wound up being split between parts of myself, other characters in fiction that stuck with me, and the type of girls I wish I was personally friends with.

Ruby

Of the twins, Scarlet got all of my best ideas and Ruby I never really knew what to do with as from her “rivalry” with Amber.
But in retrospect, I realize we had more in common than I’d intended. Particularly when it comes to conflict resolution.
I try to amicable whenever possible, not pushing the issue because i hate fighting and don’t want to ruffle feathers. But we both have that breaking point and we’ll flip out when we’ve had enough nonsense.

A last minute thing I added was how Scarlet was the sister everyone in school wanted to be friends with and Ruby felt overlooked because she’s not as forthcoming. I’ve definitely been in a number of situations like that and I’ve lost friends because the stronger personalities won out and I couldn’t compete for their attention.

Vanessa is the diplomatic one, always resolving conflicts and making sure everyone gets along and stays on task.
Our common thread is our background. We both come from good families and were pushed into higher education for a better career, opposed to following our artistic passions.
Then we have a split where Vanessa was brave enough to pursue hers and I just sucked it up and I did what I was told.
I suppose you could analyze and interpret Vanessa’s arc as a worst case scenario when you cut off ties with your family to pursue your dream. She has the career she wants but it came with the caveat of a possessive jealous boyfriend… which had “you’re not allowed to have a career because I don’t trust you” potential.

Emilia

As had been stated dozens of times, she embodies the innocence we all once had.
To be quite honest, I’m still very much like that.
In general, I tend to take things at face value and I’d rather be an idealist than to automatically assume the worst in people. The way she’s spellbound by Talia has definitely happened to me a couple of times with certain people, people who push the limits of what you thought was possible.
But anything sexual… I have no experience at all and for years it was an uncomfortable thing to experience in media. With age, that’s gotten better… but I’m sure if I ran into a situation like Emilia did with Talia and Rodrigo hooking up in the alley I would’ve reacted the same way.
And actually I did run into a similar situation in college and I only just remembered it recently. My roommate had her boyfriend staying over. I got up to use the bathroom. I came back and walked in on them. They stopped, it was awkward, I went back to bed and we never spoke of it again. It was dark so I saw nothing but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. The only other thing I still wonder to this day- how did they think I was going to be gone? And at the very least, a little warning would’ve been nice. A previous roommate a previous year asked me for privacy for a few minutes and I gave her that.

Scarlet, I think, is the friend all of us wish we had. She’s such a sweetheart. Of course I gave her one of the heavier plot lines… it’s crazy how resilient people can be and how they still show up for others in their lives despite what’s happened in theirs.
I’m not sure if there’s any part of me that became part of her. Other than paying tribute to Rocket from sucker punch and embodying survivors of incest (there was a movie character and a memoir I read on a website where people submit work for feedback), she’s an aspirational character more than anything else.
The only thing remotely close is how she’s hesitant to be on stage on her own and some of her scenes with Javi where she’s uncertain about letting down her guard- some of those fears are definitely my fears. Just because I’m a Leo doesn’t mean being the center of attention doesn’t make me nervous.

Talia
This whole story began with her and it was her story. Over time, that became a little less true as others jockeyed for position and demanded more from me as a writer.
I didn’t intend for this and I half wonder if it’s what wound up happening. But there came a point where Talia went from being the hero of the story to possibly the most hated character.
I mean, I get it. She exercises control over things to make up for the fact control was taken away from her. But a lot of it was for selfish reasons.
Other than the fact we don’t often let people into our personal problems, we don’t have that much in common.
She’s the ideal I feel like a lot of us aspire to be but not if it means people will resent you down the road because they realize they only have their own self interest at heart. If her stubbornness didn’t have ripple effects that put others in harm’s way, this would be different. She’s extremely flawed protagonist, which often makes her unreliable. And maybe this is just me not being a good writer but her logic is flawed for sure.
Once I dropped my original idea (where Alejandro was her pimp but he eventually lets her go because JP makes her happy), I thought it would be an interesting idea to explore- someone who chooses the world’s oldest profession as a lifestyle. It’s gotta be someone with a lot of emotion baggage.
There’s one character in the underground who says what a lot of people will probably think while reading this- where does Talia get off choosing this profession on purpose? Not quite the same but it’s like Rosalie questioning why the hell Bella wants to give up humanity to become a vampire. Another of those little connections I didn’t intend to make but I see after the fact.

No, prostitution isn’t meant to be glamorous. It’s something people are coerced into and they’re kept in it because someone else is controlling them. Entering that world on purpose kinda suggests you have a low opinion of yourself and this is a way to compensate for that. Talia has everything set up so she has full control but it’s just a way of putting a wall between hers and others.
In that sense, we have something else in common. Being up front, vulnerable and honest with other people is hard, especially when you’ve been given very little reason to trust them. But again, it’s a situation where maintaining that momentum would get exhausting. It’s in short bursts but we see that take its toll on Talia. With Talia it’s easier for the reader to see than her friends, whereas with Amber, I feel the depths of her frustration but it’s not quite as apparent on the page.

And before cutting away, I would probably look the most like Talia. Except she’s more exotic, prettier and she has green eyes while mine are brown and boring,

Amber

To me, that name is associated with the mean girl in movies that doesn’t like the female protagonist. Or worse, steals away their boyfriend or the guy they have a crush on. But it’s also a name that signifies strength- a girl who lives without apology and doesn’t care what others think of her. Or at least they act like they don’t care…

As a writer, I usually pick names for my characters in one of two ways. Either I have the character in my head and the name just fits. Or, I have a name I’ve always liked and want to bring it to life. Or it pays homage to someone I liked in someone else’s work or from my own life.
Amber is a name I’ve come across a few times in movies and once in my own life. But here I’d add that old caveat where “any similarities to persons (living/dead real/fictional) is purely coincidental."

Once I knew I was using that name, my original intention was to write the mean girl character who either gained popularity with her strong personality or the complete opposite.
Then once I started writing, she became SO much more. I had all these ideas and more came out as I was writing. Some things I didn’t even realize until I started editing.
Someone else might have a different opinion, but I think this mix of 80s Prince protege and 50 shades of grey worked really well.

It’s kinda funny how Ruby and Amber are polar opposites when it comes to dealing with conflict. Particularly when a therapist could read this and conclude that they represent the two sides of me being at odds with each other.
And in pretty much every situation, I’m more of a Ruby than an Amber. And I wish it was the opposite. Amber is essentially me unfiltered. If I straight up said what I thought instead of second guessing whether my words would hurt someone’s feelings.
It’s pretty much an internal conflict I’ve had my entire life. As much as I hate it, I’d rather be agreeable so people will like me than to be brutally honest and risk people hating me.
Amber was fun to write just so I could play around with things I know I couldn’t get away with in real life. But if I were to be objective, the idea of portraying that persona for so long sounds exhausting. She makes it 5 years- I doubt I’d make it one. Never mind the sexuality stuff, it would take so much energy to maintain that extroverted energy for so long. I’ve been in situations where I’d have to bring it professionally and it’s like a muscle I have to build up. Then once I’m out of that mode, it’s hard to get up the momentum to bring it back.

And as much as Amber seems to claim she doesn’t care what people think of her, she does… particularly she cares what a handful of people think of her.
You can put on as many personas or walls as you want. People always crave acceptance of some kind.

...

You know, I'm at the end of this and just noticing there's a lot more of myself that went into this than I realized. And it's a lot... 

So the only thing really left to do is to talk myself down, repeat a few times "you are enough" and celebrating the fact this project was seen to fruition.
And if it's lucky enough to get published and for people to read it, I hope they come away feeling empowered. Seeing parts of themselves in these characters but they're the kinds of characters that are remembered for years after reading about them.