Behind the Calypso curtain: how the sirens’ personalities reflect my own

While the events in the story never happened to me personally, I spent a fair amount of time putting myself in the shoes of the characters who did.
I’ve had the idea of an all-female cast for a while and they wound up being split between parts of myself, other characters in fiction that stuck with me, and the type of girls I wish I was personally friends with.

Ruby

Of the twins, Scarlet got all of my best ideas and Ruby I never really knew what to do with as from her “rivalry” with Amber.
But in retrospect, I realize we had more in common than I’d intended. Particularly when it comes to conflict resolution.
I try to amicable whenever possible, not pushing the issue because i hate fighting and don’t want to ruffle feathers. But we both have that breaking point and we’ll flip out when we’ve had enough nonsense.

A last minute thing I added was how Scarlet was the sister everyone in school wanted to be friends with and Ruby felt overlooked because she’s not as forthcoming. I’ve definitely been in a number of situations like that and I’ve lost friends because the stronger personalities won out and I couldn’t compete for their attention.

Vanessa is the diplomatic one, always resolving conflicts and making sure everyone gets along and stays on task.
Our common thread is our background. We both come from good families and were pushed into higher education for a better career, opposed to following our artistic passions.
Then we have a split where Vanessa was brave enough to pursue hers and I just sucked it up and I did what I was told.
I suppose you could analyze and interpret Vanessa’s arc as a worst case scenario when you cut off ties with your family to pursue your dream. She has the career she wants but it came with the caveat of a possessive jealous boyfriend… which had “you’re not allowed to have a career because I don’t trust you” potential.

Emilia

As had been stated dozens of times, she embodies the innocence we all once had.
To be quite honest, I’m still very much like that.
In general, I tend to take things at face value and I’d rather be an idealist than to automatically assume the worst in people. The way she’s spellbound by Talia has definitely happened to me a couple of times with certain people, people who push the limits of what you thought was possible.
But anything sexual… I have no experience at all and for years it was an uncomfortable thing to experience in media. With age, that’s gotten better… but I’m sure if I ran into a situation like Emilia did with Talia and Rodrigo hooking up in the alley I would’ve reacted the same way.
And actually I did run into a similar situation in college and I only just remembered it recently. My roommate had her boyfriend staying over. I got up to use the bathroom. I came back and walked in on them. They stopped, it was awkward, I went back to bed and we never spoke of it again. It was dark so I saw nothing but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. The only other thing I still wonder to this day- how did they think I was going to be gone? And at the very least, a little warning would’ve been nice. A previous roommate a previous year asked me for privacy for a few minutes and I gave her that.

Scarlet, I think, is the friend all of us wish we had. She’s such a sweetheart. Of course I gave her one of the heavier plot lines… it’s crazy how resilient people can be and how they still show up for others in their lives despite what’s happened in theirs.
I’m not sure if there’s any part of me that became part of her. Other than paying tribute to Rocket from sucker punch and embodying survivors of incest (there was a movie character and a memoir I read on a website where people submit work for feedback), she’s an aspirational character more than anything else.
The only thing remotely close is how she’s hesitant to be on stage on her own and some of her scenes with Javi where she’s uncertain about letting down her guard- some of those fears are definitely my fears. Just because I’m a Leo doesn’t mean being the center of attention doesn’t make me nervous.

Talia
This whole story began with her and it was her story. Over time, that became a little less true as others jockeyed for position and demanded more from me as a writer.
I didn’t intend for this and I half wonder if it’s what wound up happening. But there came a point where Talia went from being the hero of the story to possibly the most hated character.
I mean, I get it. She exercises control over things to make up for the fact control was taken away from her. But a lot of it was for selfish reasons.
Other than the fact we don’t often let people into our personal problems, we don’t have that much in common.
She’s the ideal I feel like a lot of us aspire to be but not if it means people will resent you down the road because they realize they only have their own self interest at heart. If her stubbornness didn’t have ripple effects that put others in harm’s way, this would be different. She’s extremely flawed protagonist, which often makes her unreliable. And maybe this is just me not being a good writer but her logic is flawed for sure.
Once I dropped my original idea (where Alejandro was her pimp but he eventually lets her go because JP makes her happy), I thought it would be an interesting idea to explore- someone who chooses the world’s oldest profession as a lifestyle. It’s gotta be someone with a lot of emotion baggage.
There’s one character in the underground who says what a lot of people will probably think while reading this- where does Talia get off choosing this profession on purpose? Not quite the same but it’s like Rosalie questioning why the hell Bella wants to give up humanity to become a vampire. Another of those little connections I didn’t intend to make but I see after the fact.

No, prostitution isn’t meant to be glamorous. It’s something people are coerced into and they’re kept in it because someone else is controlling them. Entering that world on purpose kinda suggests you have a low opinion of yourself and this is a way to compensate for that. Talia has everything set up so she has full control but it’s just a way of putting a wall between hers and others.
In that sense, we have something else in common. Being up front, vulnerable and honest with other people is hard, especially when you’ve been given very little reason to trust them. But again, it’s a situation where maintaining that momentum would get exhausting. It’s in short bursts but we see that take its toll on Talia. With Talia it’s easier for the reader to see than her friends, whereas with Amber, I feel the depths of her frustration but it’s not quite as apparent on the page.

And before cutting away, I would probably look the most like Talia. Except she’s more exotic, prettier and she has green eyes while mine are brown and boring,

Amber

To me, that name is associated with the mean girl in movies that doesn’t like the female protagonist. Or worse, steals away their boyfriend or the guy they have a crush on. But it’s also a name that signifies strength- a girl who lives without apology and doesn’t care what others think of her. Or at least they act like they don’t care…

As a writer, I usually pick names for my characters in one of two ways. Either I have the character in my head and the name just fits. Or, I have a name I’ve always liked and want to bring it to life. Or it pays homage to someone I liked in someone else’s work or from my own life.
Amber is a name I’ve come across a few times in movies and once in my own life. But here I’d add that old caveat where “any similarities to persons (living/dead real/fictional) is purely coincidental."

Once I knew I was using that name, my original intention was to write the mean girl character who either gained popularity with her strong personality or the complete opposite.
Then once I started writing, she became SO much more. I had all these ideas and more came out as I was writing. Some things I didn’t even realize until I started editing.
Someone else might have a different opinion, but I think this mix of 80s Prince protege and 50 shades of grey worked really well.

It’s kinda funny how Ruby and Amber are polar opposites when it comes to dealing with conflict. Particularly when a therapist could read this and conclude that they represent the two sides of me being at odds with each other.
And in pretty much every situation, I’m more of a Ruby than an Amber. And I wish it was the opposite. Amber is essentially me unfiltered. If I straight up said what I thought instead of second guessing whether my words would hurt someone’s feelings.
It’s pretty much an internal conflict I’ve had my entire life. As much as I hate it, I’d rather be agreeable so people will like me than to be brutally honest and risk people hating me.
Amber was fun to write just so I could play around with things I know I couldn’t get away with in real life. But if I were to be objective, the idea of portraying that persona for so long sounds exhausting. She makes it 5 years- I doubt I’d make it one. Never mind the sexuality stuff, it would take so much energy to maintain that extroverted energy for so long. I’ve been in situations where I’d have to bring it professionally and it’s like a muscle I have to build up. Then once I’m out of that mode, it’s hard to get up the momentum to bring it back.

And as much as Amber seems to claim she doesn’t care what people think of her, she does… particularly she cares what a handful of people think of her.
You can put on as many personas or walls as you want. People always crave acceptance of some kind.

...

You know, I'm at the end of this and just noticing there's a lot more of myself that went into this than I realized. And it's a lot... 

So the only thing really left to do is to talk myself down, repeat a few times "you are enough" and celebrating the fact this project was seen to fruition.
And if it's lucky enough to get published and for people to read it, I hope they come away feeling empowered. Seeing parts of themselves in these characters but they're the kinds of characters that are remembered for years after reading about them.