A Character's Genealogy: Introduction

I have family members who are super interested in researching the genealogy of our relatives. My sister will sometimes watch "Who Do You Think You Are?" where celebrities track down the roots of their families and find all kinds of interesting revelations. My dad- he's a bit of a skeptic, believing these shows are staged for dramatic effect, companies like Ancestry.com are scams, and logically, you can only trace back your genalogy so far until it's guesswork.

What are my thoughts?
It's kinda interesting, I guess. I'm not super obsessed with my family's history and I'd seen some of these shows (in the event they feature a celebrity I'm particularly interested in).

The funniest part is that I fell into this for one of my characters over a random reason: 
Jonas lives with his guardian and I started brainstorming a way to explain how he had no living relatives to live with after his parents died in a tragic car accident.
Then I started scribbling ideas from what little I remember from Social Studies, bits of my family's history and "It's a Wonderful LIfe" and I wound up with some fun ideas. Although I may have reached a point where I may have to do research to fill in the blanks, should I wish to make proper short stories out of them. 

It's also been fun recently re-reading over my old notes and finding stuff I forgot I'd written.
I remembered the business with "Mr. Potter" and "Mr. Bailey" but little else beyond Jonas's parents meeting in college and Peter facilliating their relationship- hence the godfather/guardianship role he has later on. 

So this is what I'm thinking: 

I'll work over the the next few weeks typing up what I have in my notebook and sharing what I have so far in a series of posts. Then maybe at the end I'll add a question section. Things I'm not sure about from certain time periods, what I could potentially build on and so forth. 
And if that means I'll have to do more research the next time I go to a library, so be it.

Another thing I'll probably have to do is give the people in this family tree names or at least codenames. Because not all of them have that and I can only go so far with monikers like grandfather, brother, and so on. 

Discussion: why is it hard for some writers to share/talk about their work?

In the spirit of a lot of self-reflection I’d been doing so far this year, this will ultimately circle back to my own hang ups about this. Why, historically, I tend not to share a lot of my work with friends and family?
But first, a little context and what helped bring this train of thought to the station.

Recently, I read Hemingway’s nonfiction book “A Moveable Feast,” which covered his years in Paris with the notable creative collective from the 1920s.
First of all, great read. Id totally recommend it- just get used to all those long sentences because that’s his whole shtick.
But aside from the anecdotes involving Gertrude stein, Ezra pound and Scott Fitzgerald, I found some really interesting writing advice to copy down for future reference. Stuff like “start with one true sentence and then do another” and “don’t leave the writing desk if the well is empty” advice you’ve probably seen somewhere on Facebook.

The one part that inspired this post- there was a moment I remember where someone at a cafe wanted to talk to him about his writing and he didn’t want to.
Rather than page through the ebook on my iPad to find the exact passage, I went to Google and the AI found a few analyses on this topic.
One answer was that he wanted the reader to find their own interpretation and he didn’t want to get in the way of that. But the main impression I get is that he wrote it and was therefore finished so there was no need to revisit what he’d already experienced. I’ve seen similar things in my years learning about Prince’s career and creative process. Some artists just prefer to let interpretation do its thing because once they’ve expressed the thought, it’s not solely theirs anymore. It's up to the listener to decide.
That’s the one thing I wish Prince did more in his interviews- talking about the music and where it comes from because his work fascinates me. (I know a stronger word than "fascinates" exists; I just can't think of it in the current moment).

The one exception to this is when he has an absolute message he wants to communicate.

For example, his Musicology album. Going as far to say it’s about paying homage to his  musical influences growing up and his goal to bring families of all ages to that tour to hopefully inspire the next generation to pick an instrument to hone their craft.

For the second part- the reluctance of writers to share their work- the main example that comes to mind is also Hemingway-adjacent. The movie “Midnight in Paris” where Owen Wilson plays a former “Hollywood hack” who wants to publish his first novel. While he’s told multiple people what it’s about, he’s less inclined to let people read it. At least until he finds himself transported to the 1920s. Then we learn that his hesitance is about WHO he’ll let read his book opposed to the act of sharing itself. The pushback also has to do with pressure from his loved ones. His fiancée will say whenever the subject comes up “he’s working on a book but he won’t let anyone read it.” Or constantly suggesting people he should let read it and they’re friends of hers he’s not close with and… putting it mildly, he doesn’t respect. But he does respect the opinions of the Paris collective enough that he asks Hemingway to read it, who refuses (“you don’t want to hear an opinion from another writer” and he just seeing writing as another competition). But he suggests him to Gertrude Stein who gladly does it and offers valuable feedback and insight (on more than just the writing itself).
Then there’s super creatives like Prince who don't share everything he wrote. Either because they’re unfinished ideas or the timing isn’t right for the subject matter or he’s lost interest altogether.


That just leaves me- and in 20 or so years I’d been writing fiction, I’m falling on both of these fronts. And because it’s me, someone who never makes anything simple for themselves or others, there isn’t just one reason for this.

For part 1, not talking about my writing…
A) I got good at writing to compensate for the fact I’m not good with explaining myself verbally. So yes... I can agree with the sentiment I’d rather let my words do the talking for me. Which runs into a brick wall because I also tend not to share my work. (More on that later).

B) this is something I should probably worry about a lot less but it’s only human… I worry that my message will get lost in translation because I’m not good at explaining myself. I’d hate to go through a whole spiel and find I’d wasted my time because the other person/people didn't understand the message

C) this has been a thing my whole life… both at school and among family… things I have interest and passion about were either dismissed for being trivial, something silly other people wouldn’t take seriously and therefore won’t take me seriously or I’m just teased for liking something that people don’t feel the same way about. It’s the same reason I kinda hate getting pigeonholed. I don’t want to be known for one single thing in case I either lose interest or just don’t want to feel like I have to talk about it all the time.
Which is silly. Because a lot of the time I love being known for being a Prince fan or being remembered for that one thing I wrote in high school (I have a yearbook comment on this specifically).
Because I loathe ridicule and teasing (even if it's meant to be playful), I consume a lot of media from my interests when nobody is around. Then again, considering I have family members who will watch the same series multiple times or the same internet clips every few months, maybe I can afford to be a little less self conscious about this. You could also chalk this all up to me taking things a little too personally and maybe I need a better sense of humor.

As for the not sharing… it’s obviously fear motivated. No sugar-coating that. But it’s not fear about not being good enough, but again fear of my intentions being misunderstood. Or if the subject matter is something that might come as a surprise to the people who know me best I’m afraid it’ll affect their opinion of me and lead to awkward future conversations. 

That whole thing about "Midnight in Paris" where Rachel McAdams puts pressure on Owen Wilson to have her friends read his book... that's somewhat relatable as well. But considering how long I've been stuck at "I have something finished but can't find anyone to publish it so I'm not actively pursuing that route," that's something else I should probably work on.

Thanks to the internet and anonymity I have shared a lot of my thoughts and scribbles online but I don’t always share the links on social media for people I actually know to find them. Yet I have no qualms with throwing these things out into the void for people to randomly come across.
I’m also starting to reach the point now where that’s not good enough anymore and it hasn't been helpful to my writing "career" or me in general. If I’m getting any feedback at all, it’s spam or it’s unhelpful. I’m all for constructive criticism but not plain criticism questioning my authority or the authority of the person I’m writing about. Another classic example of I’ll fight tooth and nail to stand up for someone I care about, but I don’t do that enough for myself.

Given the choice between the two, yes, I’d rather receive feedback from people I know than random trolls on the internet… so I should work on sharing more.
The flip side of that- those moments I’ve been admonished for oversharing. It’s such a struggle finding that balance so it’s just easier to stay quiet and not share anything than deal with the embarrassment of being confronted about it. When the point posting about it is so I feel better because it’s out there and I don’t have to think about it anymore.

Not sure when I'll get around to doing this, but I had the idea recently of trying to reach to other writers, particularly some female writers I'd read books from recently to see if they can help steer me in the right direction for my last project. I need to review it again and maybe get it professionally edited and I might do the self-publishing route on Amazon because I have no idea how to query or market it... like I said, I overcomplicate things and it's not something I can fit into a single genre. But if I get more feedback, maybe I'll have a better idea of what direction to take if I decide to pursue the traditional publishing route. 

I can say or think whatever about myself, but one narrative I REALLY want to work on changing.: I don’t want to be that person who’s always writing but never does anything with it. Maybe it’s just another imaginary nagging voice in my head but part of me is a bit concerned some people already have this perception of me.

Naming characters in fiction- intentional or coincidental?

I’m sure all writers have their own methodology when it comes to this particular part of the creative process. They can either pay homage to someone they know or their name means something in another language, which in turn says something about the character themselves or what to expect from their story arc.

For me, 9 times out of 10- I have zero intention behind the names I pick. I just start writing and a name comes to mind that feels good enough to keep.
Phil Collins had been asked in interviews about who Sussido is and his answer was along the lines of “it was a filler word just to complete the phrase until finding something better and nothing came along”.
Sometimes I’ve done the same thing… I start thinking of a character and use a placeholder name until it sticks.

The most recent thing I wrote happens to be one of those rare times I chose the names with intention.
Except for Natalia, all the names of the sirens connected back in some way to something else.
My favorite name of all the ones I picked for the story hands down is Alejandro. Maybe in my top 10 Lady Gaga songs but now it makes me think of a character who went through a lot of changes in the creative process, from a potential villain to an unspoken hero.

The funniest part of this whole process to me— I randomly pick a name because it sounds good and I sort of realize after the fact I might have subconsciously picked it up from somewhere else in pop culture…
One of which i discovered recently and honestly have no explanation for, haha.

My original romantasy story that I wrote in high school- I chose two names intentionally because they reference two of my favorite characters at that time.
Jonas was the main character in The Giver. But I didn’t come up with the name right away. I had someone with dark hair and pale blue eyes- the eyes were inspired by my high school crush at the time. And since the character in the book had those things in common, it felt like a natural fit. Personality wise, both are studious and have to carry a burden on their shoulders but the similarities end there.
Mai, the gossip queen who later becomes a close friend- Mai Valentine from Yu-Gi-Oh! will always come to mind when I write about her. I’ve played around with other names to erase that connection but I don’t know if I ever will.
Nina, Jonas’s future love interest- like with Natalia afterwards, just a name I’ve always liked.

Then there’s their other friends.
Corey and Eric vie to be Mai’s boyfriend and this comes between their friendship… I don’t think I was watching boy meets world at the time but I might have picked those names up from seeing commercials. Their personalities couldn’t be any more different.

Recently I realized with Mai’s friend group- I have Rachel Monica and Bonnie… I might have been watching Friends at the time but I swear I didn’t do it intentionally. This hit me last week and I was like “I can’t believe I did that”… again don’t know if I’ll change the names going forward or not. Their personalities are starting to come together but so far they have nothing in common with Rachel green or Monica geller.
Bonnie is another name I’ve always liked- I have a cousin with that name but I don’t know for sure if I’d met her or not. I also named my second rabbit Bonnie and I had her for 7 years.
(Peter, Jonas’s guardian- another name I’ve liked forever but also I named my first rabbit Peter after the Beatrix potter character… nothing but coincidence there)


So you can kinda see how my mind works… just a series of happy coincidences, but as is the case with all the trivia shows I watch, I can sometimes draw knowledge from the most random places. I'll remember where I got it from a lot of the time, but how I retained it... that'll remain one of life's great mysteries, haha

Facing my Fears: Resurrecting "Jonas"

Not sure if this is something I'll post eventually or that I'm just writing for myself, but I'm writing it to get it out of my head... and hopefully I can figure out what to do moving forward.

I'd been toying around with redoing this project again for a while, but it's been really difficult finding the motivation to start it. 
I'd written in previous posts some of my ideas of what to add, subtract and otherwise experiment with... but it's finding the time and energy to do it. 

I'd been cagey in general about writing fiction since I'd finished my previous project. I spent the past several years working on it from start to finish. I've lived with those characters in my head for such a long time and with some of what they went through, it was hard taking on that emotional load. Things I'd never personally experienced but I put myself in the shoes of those who might have. 

So that's played a lot into things. But I think my greatest fear is the same as it's always been: rejection. 

It's all part of this industry. Some of the greater success stories in the writing community had been rejected dozens, if not hundreds of times. I think I have maybe a dozen rejection emails, most of which said they're not interested. Nothing specific that could really help me in the long run. To cap that all off, I was submitting to agents at a time when NOTHING was going right for me. If I got any job interviews at all, there was no follow-up. All but maybe 3 of the dozen of so positions completely ghosted me.
Thankfully things are a lot better than they were back then and I work for a company where I feel valued and I'm lucky enough they've let me continue to work from home even with everything essentially back to normal from whatever the hell this decade has been. 

I spent a few years after the rejection emails trying to edit and fix things, but I stalled out by maybe chapter 4... nothing ever came after that. I got distracted with actual work and the million other little interests I've sunk my time into. 
Now I'm at that point where I really need to start putting words down on my laptop and seeing what happens. I'd been so caught up in my head, thinking over what might work and ultimately deciding some things aren't going to work or just don't feel right.

So this is my message to myself: start experimenting. Write things down. If it doesn't go anywhere, then there's always other options. If it doesn't feel right, I can try a few other angles.
I have a Word.doc for another project where I'd done a similar thing, but for different reasons. Me experimenting with difficulties a character could go through and how the scene around them plays out...

This could be a similar thing and I could use different headings and so on to help organize things. 
I feel like this is already becoming this year's theme and it's only day 7 (going on 8 at this point)... I need to carve out a time slot, give myself 10 minutes and just do the thing. In fact, I'll set up that Word document right now. 

Behind the Calypso curtain: how the sirens’ personalities reflect my own

While the events in the story never happened to me personally, I spent a fair amount of time putting myself in the shoes of the characters who did.
I’ve had the idea of an all-female cast for a while and they wound up being split between parts of myself, other characters in fiction that stuck with me, and the type of girls I wish I was personally friends with.

Ruby

Of the twins, Scarlet got all of my best ideas and Ruby I never really knew what to do with as from her “rivalry” with Amber.
But in retrospect, I realize we had more in common than I’d intended. Particularly when it comes to conflict resolution.
I try to amicable whenever possible, not pushing the issue because i hate fighting and don’t want to ruffle feathers. But we both have that breaking point and we’ll flip out when we’ve had enough nonsense.

A last minute thing I added was how Scarlet was the sister everyone in school wanted to be friends with and Ruby felt overlooked because she’s not as forthcoming. I’ve definitely been in a number of situations like that and I’ve lost friends because the stronger personalities won out and I couldn’t compete for their attention.

Vanessa is the diplomatic one, always resolving conflicts and making sure everyone gets along and stays on task.
Our common thread is our background. We both come from good families and were pushed into higher education for a better career, opposed to following our artistic passions.
Then we have a split where Vanessa was brave enough to pursue hers and I just sucked it up and I did what I was told.
I suppose you could analyze and interpret Vanessa’s arc as a worst case scenario when you cut off ties with your family to pursue your dream. She has the career she wants but it came with the caveat of a possessive jealous boyfriend… which had “you’re not allowed to have a career because I don’t trust you” potential.

Emilia

As had been stated dozens of times, she embodies the innocence we all once had.
To be quite honest, I’m still very much like that.
In general, I tend to take things at face value and I’d rather be an idealist than to automatically assume the worst in people. The way she’s spellbound by Talia has definitely happened to me a couple of times with certain people, people who push the limits of what you thought was possible.
But anything sexual… I have no experience at all and for years it was an uncomfortable thing to experience in media. With age, that’s gotten better… but I’m sure if I ran into a situation like Emilia did with Talia and Rodrigo hooking up in the alley I would’ve reacted the same way.
And actually I did run into a similar situation in college and I only just remembered it recently. My roommate had her boyfriend staying over. I got up to use the bathroom. I came back and walked in on them. They stopped, it was awkward, I went back to bed and we never spoke of it again. It was dark so I saw nothing but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. The only other thing I still wonder to this day- how did they think I was going to be gone? And at the very least, a little warning would’ve been nice. A previous roommate a previous year asked me for privacy for a few minutes and I gave her that.

Scarlet, I think, is the friend all of us wish we had. She’s such a sweetheart. Of course I gave her one of the heavier plot lines… it’s crazy how resilient people can be and how they still show up for others in their lives despite what’s happened in theirs.
I’m not sure if there’s any part of me that became part of her. Other than paying tribute to Rocket from sucker punch and embodying survivors of incest (there was a movie character and a memoir I read on a website where people submit work for feedback), she’s an aspirational character more than anything else.
The only thing remotely close is how she’s hesitant to be on stage on her own and some of her scenes with Javi where she’s uncertain about letting down her guard- some of those fears are definitely my fears. Just because I’m a Leo doesn’t mean being the center of attention doesn’t make me nervous.

Talia
This whole story began with her and it was her story. Over time, that became a little less true as others jockeyed for position and demanded more from me as a writer.
I didn’t intend for this and I half wonder if it’s what wound up happening. But there came a point where Talia went from being the hero of the story to possibly the most hated character.
I mean, I get it. She exercises control over things to make up for the fact control was taken away from her. But a lot of it was for selfish reasons.
Other than the fact we don’t often let people into our personal problems, we don’t have that much in common.
She’s the ideal I feel like a lot of us aspire to be but not if it means people will resent you down the road because they realize they only have their own self interest at heart. If her stubbornness didn’t have ripple effects that put others in harm’s way, this would be different. She’s extremely flawed protagonist, which often makes her unreliable. And maybe this is just me not being a good writer but her logic is flawed for sure.
Once I dropped my original idea (where Alejandro was her pimp but he eventually lets her go because JP makes her happy), I thought it would be an interesting idea to explore- someone who chooses the world’s oldest profession as a lifestyle. It’s gotta be someone with a lot of emotion baggage.
There’s one character in the underground who says what a lot of people will probably think while reading this- where does Talia get off choosing this profession on purpose? Not quite the same but it’s like Rosalie questioning why the hell Bella wants to give up humanity to become a vampire. Another of those little connections I didn’t intend to make but I see after the fact.

No, prostitution isn’t meant to be glamorous. It’s something people are coerced into and they’re kept in it because someone else is controlling them. Entering that world on purpose kinda suggests you have a low opinion of yourself and this is a way to compensate for that. Talia has everything set up so she has full control but it’s just a way of putting a wall between hers and others.
In that sense, we have something else in common. Being up front, vulnerable and honest with other people is hard, especially when you’ve been given very little reason to trust them. But again, it’s a situation where maintaining that momentum would get exhausting. It’s in short bursts but we see that take its toll on Talia. With Talia it’s easier for the reader to see than her friends, whereas with Amber, I feel the depths of her frustration but it’s not quite as apparent on the page.

And before cutting away, I would probably look the most like Talia. Except she’s more exotic, prettier and she has green eyes while mine are brown and boring,

Amber

To me, that name is associated with the mean girl in movies that doesn’t like the female protagonist. Or worse, steals away their boyfriend or the guy they have a crush on. But it’s also a name that signifies strength- a girl who lives without apology and doesn’t care what others think of her. Or at least they act like they don’t care…

As a writer, I usually pick names for my characters in one of two ways. Either I have the character in my head and the name just fits. Or, I have a name I’ve always liked and want to bring it to life. Or it pays homage to someone I liked in someone else’s work or from my own life.
Amber is a name I’ve come across a few times in movies and once in my own life. But here I’d add that old caveat where “any similarities to persons (living/dead real/fictional) is purely coincidental."

Once I knew I was using that name, my original intention was to write the mean girl character who either gained popularity with her strong personality or the complete opposite.
Then once I started writing, she became SO much more. I had all these ideas and more came out as I was writing. Some things I didn’t even realize until I started editing.
Someone else might have a different opinion, but I think this mix of 80s Prince protege and 50 shades of grey worked really well.

It’s kinda funny how Ruby and Amber are polar opposites when it comes to dealing with conflict. Particularly when a therapist could read this and conclude that they represent the two sides of me being at odds with each other.
And in pretty much every situation, I’m more of a Ruby than an Amber. And I wish it was the opposite. Amber is essentially me unfiltered. If I straight up said what I thought instead of second guessing whether my words would hurt someone’s feelings.
It’s pretty much an internal conflict I’ve had my entire life. As much as I hate it, I’d rather be agreeable so people will like me than to be brutally honest and risk people hating me.
Amber was fun to write just so I could play around with things I know I couldn’t get away with in real life. But if I were to be objective, the idea of portraying that persona for so long sounds exhausting. She makes it 5 years- I doubt I’d make it one. Never mind the sexuality stuff, it would take so much energy to maintain that extroverted energy for so long. I’ve been in situations where I’d have to bring it professionally and it’s like a muscle I have to build up. Then once I’m out of that mode, it’s hard to get up the momentum to bring it back.

And as much as Amber seems to claim she doesn’t care what people think of her, she does… particularly she cares what a handful of people think of her.
You can put on as many personas or walls as you want. People always crave acceptance of some kind.

...

You know, I'm at the end of this and just noticing there's a lot more of myself that went into this than I realized. And it's a lot... 

So the only thing really left to do is to talk myself down, repeat a few times "you are enough" and celebrating the fact this project was seen to fruition.
And if it's lucky enough to get published and for people to read it, I hope they come away feeling empowered. Seeing parts of themselves in these characters but they're the kinds of characters that are remembered for years after reading about them. 

The Sirens of Calypso- Epilogue

            The next morning, while he was in the middle of packing his belonging to return home, Juan Paulo received the call he’d given up hope would ever come. The men who saw his showcase loved his music and drafted a contract to sign the band to their label. As soon as he was ready, they offered to pay the expenses necessary to record an album. 

            Throughout the call, he cast numerous glances in Talia’s direction ranging from grateful to suspicious. The timing of this was a little too convenient for his liking. She’d later tell him her “acquaintance” Carlos helped with the negotiations as his way of returning an old favor he owed her. 

            The caveat, which Talia wasn’t yet aware of-- their main studio was located back in America. Although taken aback by the news, she immediately decided it didn’t matter. Juan Paulo broke the news to her after finishing the call. Anticipating a long-distance relationship as the only option brought an ache to his chest and wrinkles in his forehead. Talia throwing him against the wall for a passionate kiss erased all of that tension, but only for an instant.

            “Wait, Talia,” Juan Paulo asked after slipping out of her grip, “what about Calypso? Your dancing? I don’t want you to resent me because I’m the reason you gave all of that up."

            She nodded, although it was more of an acknowledgment to her inner thoughts than his. “You’re right but this is something I’m also doing for myself.”

            “I’m not sure I understand…"
            A tiny hint of a smile lit up her face. “I think you do. Vanessa knew it was true before I was ready to accept it.” She shook her head. “It’s strange to think the people who saw me sing last night, even they knew I have not been myself. That’s why, before I perform for an audience again, I must… as you Americans say… ‘work on myself’ so I may be worthy of their admiration and support.” 

            Both of them had a seat on his bed and she rambled through a list of ideas she'd cultivated over the past few weeks. Specialists she could see, group meetings she could attend. Once she finished, she took his hand and ran it along the scars on her elbow. His heart skipped. He knew Talia had never allowed anyone else the same opportunity and he prayed he’d never be foolish enough to betray that trust. “There will be times your career will put distance between us and we cannot be together all the time. But if I need you… if only to say ‘you’re doing fine’ or ‘everything will be all right’…”
            “I will.” Juan Paulo reached toward her cheek with his opposite hand, pausing for a moment before she acknowledged it was ok, and stroked it. Another kiss wasn’t far behind, but just as quickly, it gave way to a heartfelt embrace that lasted more minutes than either of them cared to count.

*    *    *

            For Scarlet and Javier, this caveat came with its fair share of complications.
Although it’d been years since he and his mother left America, a reluctance to return stayed with him. It took some coaxing from Scarlet to face those feelings head on and he caved. After further investigation, he learned that karma finally caught up with his father. His new family, which Javier suspected had some overlap with his old one, didn’t work out for him any better. This second woman had come from a large family and a network of friends within her community. So when they began seeing her less frequently and faint remains of bruises when they did, they sprung into action. They corroborated a domestic violence complaint against him and a prison fight signed his death warrant shortly afterwards.

            Despite Scarlet’s unwavering support and insistence on accompanying him, her wellbeing and that of their child remained a constant in his mind. Her pregnancy continued to go well, but her growing nerves about motherhood made most days an emotional rollercoaster. Along with the other sirens, Javier brainstormed different ways to put her at ease. Whether they took turns staying with her in America or she stayed on the island and Javier made regular trips back to spend time with her. In the end, it was decided that Javier would participate in the studio sessions that required his input and Juan Paulo would handle the promotion for the record on his own. As much as he couldn’t bear to leave Scarlet’s side, he also wanted her to live in comfort and that could only be in a place and with friends she knew well. 

            It became clear to both Juan Paulo and Javier that their lives were going in different directions. Luckily, their management team at the record label was flexible and agreed to whatever the terms they decided. Javier always had the freedom to return, whether it was part of the band or if he wanted his own solo career, once his affairs with Scarlet and their family were in order. The same courtesy was extended to Steve the drummer, who had been actively working with La Scala’s owners on their new business venture. Rumor has it that they’re planning a new “battle of the bands” competition to coincide with Calypso and Eclipse’s entertainment events.

*    *    *

            In addition to being partners in life, Amber and Alejandro are now business partners, running both Calypso and Evangeline’s. Their latest idea of growing an audience for Evangeline’s—establishing an all-male dance crew led by Michel and Misha to rival the sirens. Even without Talia at the helm, this is sure to be an uphill battle.

           As for Calypso, Emilia will take Scarlet’s place in her routines with Ruby during her maternity leave. She's also working on a number of fairytale inspired routines. She hopes one day to produce her own theme night, a dream Amber and the others can’t wait to usher into reality.

            Talia’s future with the sirens of Calypso remains uncertain. While the others eagerly await news of her return, they plan to uphold her legacy as long as there are people to come see them dance. The club's future has never looked brighter.

***

I wrote this story a different way than my creative process typically goes. I'd usually get an idea and follow it from start to finish, perfect chronological order.

With this one, I wrote whenever I was inspired and I'd figure out at a later date where they fit in sequence and whether I need something new to connect different scenes. 

As such, this created one major problem I didn't have a solution for until now.

I had no idea how this story was going to end and I wanted to do more than getting the key couples together and ending it. And with this, I think I finally found the right balance between showing where the characters' lives are going and hinting at future possibilities. Cuz I really don't know where they'll end up 5-10 years afterwards. 

Some ideas I do have for the times ahead:

*The other day, I saw a flicker for a moment with Talia and JP while listening to Rob Thomas. He wrote a lot of his "Cradlesongs" album while his wife was going through a difficult illness and I can imagine JP being that source of comfort for Talia. And he could do a solo album similar to that or Ed Sheeran's "-" album, which was partially inspired by his wife, who was dealing with the double-whammy of pregnancy and cancer. Although the songs that would be shared with the public, Talia has the last say, naturally.

*I don't know whether Scarlet is having a boy or a girl; I'll leave that for the reader to decide. In the future, I can imagine her and Javier touring as a musical act and she'll alternate between dancing to his songs or singing them along with him.

*I also don't know whether Amber and Alejandro's sex life will be as kinky as her style is now or he'll help her revert to something a little more vanilla. If I ever explore that, I probably wouldn't be sharing it with other people, lol

*I'd like to think one or several of the sirens, after they've reached an age when they stop dancing, will work in the public sector with other women who'd experienced similar hardships.

*And possibly, one day, the Calypso brand could expand to America and other countries. Clubs featuring troupes of female dancers. Although without the mob connections and prostitution, so the stage shows won't be quite as elaborate. 

For anyone who made it all the way to the end, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

Maybe in the near future I'll put together my own dream cast list if this ever became a movie or Broadway musical. But this is it for now.

The Sirens of Calypso- Chapter 52- Open Arms and Open Hearts

            Shortly after leaving Calypso, Scarlet told the others to go ahead without her. Javier offered to walk her home and the others said their goodbyes before parting ways for the night.
            Ruby and Emilia swapped ideas for what songs to perform, whether they’d go up together or as two separate acts, for the duration of the walk. Although she hadn’t planned on it, Vanessa wound up spending this time watching Talia. This was an event she looked forward to every year as much as the rest of them, but she was missing the typical spring in her step. Her attention was also focused, almost exclusively, everywhere else but the path in front of them.
            Lively chatter surrounded them on all sides. Couples or groups of friends gathered at the cafe tables. Buskers on every corner, each with instrument cases filled with fair amounts of cash deriving from a wide assortment of countries. Eclipse was two blocks away from Food Truck Central. Its various cuisines filled the air, combining into one very tempting sweet and spicy aroma. It was enough to distract Ruby and Emilia from their current train of thought. A new conversation, one that was more mouthwatering, took its place as a result.
            Talia’s concentration wasn’t so easily broken. Her thoughts were no longer under her control and she made no attempt to amend that fact. She’d lived in the city for over a decade and made a multitude of memories in the process. Yet everything, even the most rudimentary details, reminded her of Juan Paulo. The places they got together in secret between rehearsals. The night she left in the middle of a show to act on her feelings for him. At the end of it all, she found herself at the place where it all began. The others went inside to sign in and select their songs, but she stopped short of going through the door. She ran her fingers down the wood grains as her mind wandered and she had to remind herself every few seconds to breathe.
            Suddenly, the door moved away from her and she jumped six inches back, jostled back into reality. “Talia?” Vanessa came back out, closing the door and leaning against the frame. “What’s wrong?”
            “Nothing, it’s just…” She shook her head. One quick deep breath later, she added, “so ridiculous… acting like this over one stupid American boy.”
            Reaching over to pat her shoulder, Vanessa flashed an understanding smile. “Come on, let’s have a drink. Ruby and Emilia are due to go on in a few minutes.”
            An invisible force field typically separated the sirens from everyone else so they could go about their lives outside Calypso with some anonymity. The night of the big karaoke contest was the one exception. Between performances, a number of people came up to their table, offering kind words and small tokens of appreciation— a mix of flowers and jewelry from souvenir kiosks. Two schools of thought dominated the rest and it surprised Talia in ways she’d never expected. Amber had garnered a small following and she happily agreed to send their compliments her way. As for the other, a few patrons who’d come from the show earlier that evening expressed how long it’d been since they’d seen her fully enjoy a performance. After the stream of admirers ran dry, Talia remarked, “I never realized…”
            "Yeah,” Vanessa concurred, “you’re a great actress but you can’t hide everything behind that facade.”
            “Maybe I am losing my touch…”
            Vanessa caught something in her tone and leaned across the table. “What are you saying?”
            “I have to decide something. I need to see how the rest of the night goes before I make my final decision.”
            Almost startling Talia a second time, Vanessa grabbed the hand resting on the table and squeezed. “Just remember, you’re not alone. Whatever it is, whether you like it or not, we have your back.”
            “Thank you. I will be sure to remember that.”

(If only the Animal Crossing characters wore shoes...)

            Ruby and Emilia came out next. For anyone in the room that had anything pressing on their minds, those worries fell by the wayside for the next three to four minutes. In a funny twist of fate, all of those rehearsals of Emilia learning the twins’ roster of routines wound up paying off in a huge way. They traded vocal lines from one section to the next and the one not singing was dancing. The chorus featured a lot of flamenco flair with quick circular arm movements and spins. When it came to the verses, they stuck to their specialties. Ruby had jive flicks and kicks in all directions; Emilia’s step work created the same visual effect but drew influence from the Emerald Isle. Had they had more time to prepare, they would’ve brought some cowgirl boots to match the country flair of their music. The applause and cheers they received moved across the room in waves. It was impossible to determine who received more praise. In the end, it didn’t matter. 

            “Well done, both of you. Especially you, Emilia,” Talia beamed with pride as she pulled her in for a hug.
            “Thanks, Talia,” she replied, taking a moment to put the copper colored trophy on the table. It was shaped like a microphone stand and had “Summer’s End- Karaoke Champion” etched along the base. She turned back to face her, her mouth askew with confusion. “But why didn’t you compete?”
            “I did sign up when it was first announced but after what happened between… I just couldn’t imagine doing this without him.”
            The MC from the contest swung by their table a short moment later. “Congratulations again, ladies. We’re going to close down in ten minutes so if anyone wants one last crack at the mic…” His eyes swept over all of them but the fact they lingered on Talia the most didn’t go unnoticed.
            The other sirens spoke at once, their enthusiasm steadily growing over time. Words jumbled together and buzzed in Talia’s ears as she scanned the room. Juan Paulo was nowhere to be found. But before her heart could start sinking, something astonishing happened. It slowly dawned on her that the entire room was chanting her name. If it was possible, the reaction when she finally agreed was even louder.
            As she discussed the details with the MC, Talia’s group of friends netted the majority of her attention. Once or twice she thought she read Juan Paulo’s name, shortened or otherwise, on their lips and the immediate response was a shrug and a faltering smile. Regardless of what their conversations entailed, she knew one thing for certain. This would be the final performance she gave for a long time.

            The song she chose was another duet between an all-male band and a guest female artist. On the monitors, different lines were assigned to the two singers taking part in the duet. Instead of following the screen’s instructions to the letter, she instead sang the lines that fit the message she wanted to convey. She had nothing to offer but love and forgiveness; if her feelings weren’t reciprocated, she would accept the consequences and move on with her life. As she transitioned from verse to pre-chorus bridge, her voice started shaking as countless emotions surged through her veins. Regret, sadness, but primarily, a desperate hope unlike anything she’d felt before. Her eyes closed and she poured every fiber of her being into the chorus. One or two words differed from what was scrolling across the screen, but nobody noticed. The sentiment remained the same.
            Talia turned away, fixing her gaze on the blank wall on the far side of the room, to compose herself. As she inhaled to begin the next verse, another voice beat her to the punch and her heart leaped forward upon recognizing it. Quizzical whispers and murmurs cascaded through the audience; no one knew where the voice was coming from. Even the spotlight swirled aimlessly, unable to pinpoint its source. The only thing that registered with Talia in that moment was how Juan Paulo brought just as much passion to the lines he chose to sing.
            The music hit its big crescendo in the same instant Juan Paulo stepped out of the crowd onto the catwalk. The widest smirk broke across Talia’s face. She stepped away from her microphone and let her body do the talking. But instead of the seductive moves she was famous for, the unbridled energy in her movements bent her body a million different ways. A strange yet beautiful combination of jazz and contemporary. Emilia had shown the other sirens the different styles of her own training over the past week. Compelling as this choreography was, how and when Talia found the time between Amber’s rigorous rehearsals to put it together remained a mystery to everyone.
            The duet finally came into play for the final iteration of the chorus, both voices now singing as one. Talia’s heart thumped against her ribcage, sensing his presence drawing closer to her with each passing second. She leaned heavily into the character of the music to keep her ankles steady, but as long as he was there to catch her, crumbling wouldn’t have made any difference. On the last line, she finally found the courage to turn around.
            Even with everything that happened between them, nothing had changed since the day they met. The warmth of his gaze told her he had no intention of leaving her again. Out of his back pocket, he pulled out an open envelope with his name scribbled across the front in her handwriting. Her hand clapped over her mouth; her 11th hour idea worked better than she could have imagined.
            Reassuring her with a kind smile, he whispered, “I accept your apology… I’ve missed you so much.” Dropping the envelope on the ground, he reached with both hands and laid a deep kiss on her lips. After he pulled back, Talia did the one thing she’d been wanting to do for what felt like forever. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.
            The room erupted in applause, the sirens barely audible above the rest of the crowd.
            Talia broke away and asked, “Do you want to get out of here?”
            “Talia, I thought you’d never ask…” He took her hand and together, they ran out the back door and made the journey back home.

*      *     *

            Two months ago, she would have said otherwise. Now, there was no doubt. That night was the first time Talia made love— and it wouldn’t be the last.

            They returned to her apartment and all of the walls she’d put around herself crumbled in an instant. Contrasting with the previous instance he’d spent the night, Juan Paulo was given complete control of everything. Their lips were never further than a few inches apart as his thrusts sent a barrage of shivers through her entire body. Some in places she’d never felt them before and they took her breath away.
            But what truly set this time apart from all the others was the fact she didn’t just want Juan Paulo for her physical needs but the person she was when she was with him. On stage, she had been hailed as a goddess. With him, she felt human. More than anything else, that was what had terrified her about him the most. That kind of vulnerability exposed a weakness in her she wasn’t ready to face. But as she laid in his arms, staring into his eyes, she saw there had been nothing to be afraid of.
            For a while afterwards, things were quiet. Talia stroked Juan Paulo’s arm as if to commit every inch to memory. He ran his hand over her ear and through her mussed-up hair. A lot had happened in the time they were apart; it was difficult to find where to begin. Predictably, Juan Paulo took the chivalrous step to go first.
            “Emilia looked amazing tonight.”
            “Oh… yes, she’s come a really long way.” Talia looked down and swallowed hard. “There will never be enough thanks for what you did for her.”
            His quick response to that was a nod and a warm smile. But it just as quickly faded. “If you didn’t know any better, you would have no idea. But I guess that’s what you sirens are about. Always good at bouncing back.”
            “Yes, but it never should have happened. It was my responsibility. If I had known when I started this with…” Talia bit her lip. There was no way to proceed without disclosing her entire history with Rodrigo. She only foresaw one result if she did and couldn’t even bear the thought.
            Once again, Juan Paulo superseded her expectations and confessed, “I know. I heard the whole thing from him.”
            “What?”
            Squeezing his eyes closed for a moment, he took a deep breath before recollecting his version of the events. “I left everything on the stage that night. It impressed the men from the label but I wasn’t proud of it. Javi took care of closing up shop for the night and I walked home with only my thoughts for company. After how I performed, I didn’t want to face anyone because I was afraid they’d see right through me. So I took shortcuts through the alleys. Vanessa got me acquainted with them when we went out that one night. That’s when I heard them…”

“You know, it didn’t have to come to this. You could have just left me and Talia to our business. But because of your meddling, I lost my arrangement with Talia.”

            Juan Paulo shook his head with disgust. “The sheer arrogance… I know its kind well but never like that. I heard Emilia… her screams thrust me back into reality. I knew I had to get to her before it was too late. I’ve been carrying that knife for years, but I never pulled it on anyone until that moment. For every evil thought in his head, I would make him pay.”
            The hand stroking her hair clenched and shuddered at the reminder. It hurt but Talia was so caught up in the flashback it didn’t register. Offhandedly, she added, “he did pay… Amber and I saw to it.”
            “Wait, what?” Juan Paulo gasped. He noticed his fist and immediately drew it back into himself.
            “Only the three of us know about this. Well, four including Alejandro.” She rolled her eyes but in a more playful way than she had in the past. “He’d wanted to take revenge on him for a very long time. Personal history going back long before we met. But he insisted we should not know the feeling of taking a man’s life. To my knowledge, Alejandro had only murdered one other but of course I only heard this from Amber.”
            “Wow…” Taken aback, the tension in his frame relaxed. “I don’t know Alejandro as well as the rest of you, but I wouldn’t have known he was capable of doing something like that.”
            Talia tilted her head to catch his eye. After succeeding, she said, “I could say the same about you.” A question formed on his lips but she insisted on continuing. “The scar you left in his neck. Any deeper and he would have bled out in seconds. I know you love Emilia like I do but that tells me there was something more behind it.”
            “Yeah…” Without further prompting, Juan Paulo sat up in bed and told Talia about his sister. Whether it was her understanding and patience or the fact he’d had this conversation twice already, it was hard to be sure. He only knew that telling the story a third time was much easier. Only when he got to the end did his emotions get the better of him. He buried his face in his hands. No tears fell but his voice did enough crying to make up the difference. Talia leaned her head on his shoulder and rubbed his back. At the end of his monologue, there was an addendum he’d reserved specifically for her. “When Javi invited me to spend this summer with him, I almost didn’t come. I was in a really bad place, still grieving what had happened. Then I met you… and Emilia and the others… and I felt alive in a way I hadn’t in a really long time. Sometimes I still feel guilty that I’d found happiness in a life without her.”
            “If your sister knew what you did for Emilia, she would be so proud of you.” His response caught in his throat but a self-deprecating laugh quickly followed in its place. “When I was mad at you because I thought you wrote that one song about me… it was about her, wasn’t it?”
            He nodded. “And what Vanessa told me about those things about your past, I thought you were settling for less than you deserved. The same way she did. So if I saved you…”
            “You have, Juan Paulo. It may have taken longer than it should have but I know I am better… I will be better, because of you.”
            Then it was Talia’s turn to dredge up the ghosts in her past. Nothing was off limits. On at least three occasions, she expected him to make an excuse to leave because he couldn’t handle it. This fear was never realized. In fact, it was during those moments Juan Paulo’s hand squeezed hers as they clenched on her lap. She got what she thought would be the hard part out of the way first: the truth about her promiscuity and how her legion of clients helped finance Calypso. She made sure to put extra emphasis on the past tense of this arrangement, a gesture Juan Paulo assured her wasn’t necessary. Only the future mattered now.
            Hoping to offer additional reassurance while she paused to gather her thoughts, he leaned forward to kiss her on the neck. She moaned as blood rushed to her head. As much as she enjoyed it, the fire building in her belly made her uncomfortable. “Juan Paulo, please…” Her voice wavered until it broke, “please stop.” He quickly obeyed and she scooted away from him just enough to catch him off guard.
            “I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?”
            She bowed her hand, self-consciously combing her hair out of her face. “No...” Picking her head up, she wiped away a tear with the heel of her hand. “No, I love you… so much. You are so sweet and I want so badly to… how can I explain? This makes me want to give myself to you again… and again. To where I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
            Juan Paulo replied, “all right. I think I understand what you’re saying.”
            “I don’t want what we have, whether we’re together now or… I don’t want that to be everything we are to each other.”
            “Hey…” He waited until she looked him in the eye before offering another smile. “I love you too and we’re together now if you’ll have me. So whatever it takes to make you happy, tell me and I’ll do what I can to make it work.”
            Talia slowly closed the space between them and Juan Paulo allowed her the courtesy to explore on her own. She kissed him firmly on the lips, making the most of every second she allowed herself before forcing separation between them.
            Without further hesitation, she went into the second half of her series of confessions. As she talked about her complicated history with her stepfather and her addiction, the back of her mind dwelled on her recent conversation with Amber. About how her body was “conditioned” to be receptive in uncomfortable circumstances. It made her realize another thing they had in common. Their pasts determined their sexual preferences and habits that were difficult to break. Falling in love helped her recognize that she didn’t want that physicality to define their relationship.
            “I admit—I really admire people like you and Scarlet. You have felt so much pain and were made to feel so helpless, but you’re able to move forward and find new passions. And what do I do with my new life? I’m still the same damaged girl I was when my stepfather overdosed.”
            “I still feel bad about saying those things to you. That was out of line.”
            “No, Juan Paulo, you were absolutely right. You were right about everything. I’ve lived a lot in this life but I still have a lot to learn. Especially about myself.”
            “You’ll get there someday. I believe you.” Smiling with a light blush coloring her cheeks, she weaved her fingers around his and squeezed his hand in response.
            Unbeknownst to either of them, the sun had begun to creep in through the blinds. They’d been talking all night. Vanessa was staying at Emilia’s to give them privacy so there was no outside stimuli to snap them out of their private bubble. But they eventually realized they had to get some rest.
            With a sigh, Juan Paulo said, “this has been the best night I’ve ever had. I’m just afraid I’m going to wake up and all this will be gone. Well, it’s going to be soon anyway. Summer is almost over, and this silly American boy needs to go make an honest living back home.”
            Talia smirked, “who says this has to end?” She retreated under the covers and encouraged him to do the same. She flipped on her other side and pulled his arm until it wrapped around her waist. Resting in each other’s arms and listening to each other breath, a dream-filled sleep eventually overcame them. Although nothing either of them dreamed held a candle to what had just become their new reality.

***

Music:

Ruby and Emilia's duet

"Timber" by Kesha (featuring PitBull)

    -if Ruby and Scarlet continue doing twin routines in the future, I imagined they'd dance to a lot of pop/country. This song is very poppy but the harmonica always struck me as country. 

    -the style could combine those big flamenco arm movements with a little Texas two-step. Then of course some of the specialties of the performances as mentioned in the text

Talia and JP's duet

"My Heart is Open" by Maroon 5 (featuring Gwen Stefani)

    -When I first heard this on their "V" album, I wanted SO BADLY for Gwen and Adam Levine to perform it live on The Voice. I can only assume (and blame) the reason it never happened on Blake Shelton because he and Gwen started going out and it would be odd for Adam to sing it with her instead

    -Another of those instances where I had the scene in mind, put the song in this context later on and did some editing to mix the two together

And this may sound really silly, but I still haven't completely figured out the ending of the story yet. I have a partial postscript written but it needs work. 

For the record, I did plan on ending the story with this long-awaited reunion between Talia and JP. I've seen a couple of movies that ended in similar ways. The second "High School Musical" movie and "The Biggest Fan" with Chris Trousdale. It always sort of annoyed me how a couple reconciles at the end of a movie with a few quick words or a song and the movie just ends. So I actually came back to this chapter a couple of months later because I had to add. And today, I was still adding more. I'd spent so many pages building all of this up, it needed to be hashed out properly.

And yes, I could choose to end it here. But if anyone's fallen in love with these characters like I have, they're gonna be at least a little curious about how lies ahead for them in the future. What happens to them and their relationships after the screen fades to black. 

I'll let you know as soon as I have it figured out.