Character Sketch: Meet Scarlet

There'll probably come a point where I'll going through all my characters and saw how each of them is the manifestation of a different part of me.
Or just part of the female psyche in general. Particularly when it comes to relationships.

My original plan was to split this proceeding character sketch entry (I'll do one for each of my main characters once I have most of the information I need) between two characters: namely because they're twin sisters and I dedicated an entire composition notebook to the two of them.

But I decided to give each of them their individual entries because I have a better sense of one more than the other... although Scarlet still is a work in progress herself... up until this book's publication [not to get ahead of myself], I won't know 100% about anyone.
There's always the chance that I'll have a brainblast amid my 3rd or 4th draft and I'll have to make other adjustments.

There is also the fact that a) I'm currently hashing out Scarlet's story arc for the actual novel, and b) because I created Scarlet as one of Talia's two best friends, I felt she had to have more of a story... otherwise it's the whole question of "why is she here at all?"

After I had my protagonist Talia (who I wanted to channel Nelly Furtado ala her "Loose" album), I created the rest of my female cast using "SuckerPunch" as my baseline.
One of a few things I got out of this movie that I just couldn't get out of my head after going to theaters to see it :P it was also a good starting point because I wanted to have a certain number of characters to focus on to make my idea of this venue that stars Latin dancers more realistic.

Right now, I can't say for sure if Scarlet was one of the first characters I created or one of the characters from "SuckerPunch" I wanted to pay homage too... but I do know that the overall look of Jena Malone's character, Rocket, I wanted to have.
And really, the only things she has in common with her are her overall look (short pixie haircut with reddish hair) and the fact she has a sister.

Somehow, it seemed like a good point to make. Seeing how these two sisters who grew up around abuse emerged from it differently and how they handle this business they wound up finding their way to.
And just as I really hadn't written much about female friendships, I'd never really written about sibling relationships. I'm the oldest of two sisters yet it's not something I really focused on. The interactions we have, I don't feel as if there's much of a story there. At least not something that could go mainstream and be interesting for anyone else to read.

Regarding Rocket, I don't know why she was the character I gravitated to the most other than Babydoll [who I couldn't help but support because "SuckerPunch" is shown from her perspective]. Maybe it's because she was Babydoll's first friend at the Institute/brothel that showed her around.
Or the more logical reason... she was my token girl crush of the movie. I just loved her overall look.

Bits and pieces of Rocket's personality have come out as I wrote Scarlet in a couple scenes where she's interacting with friends and not much else is going on... but beyond that, when things get more dramatic, she's different. She's fun-loving and supportive, but when she gets super serious, you have to pay attention because she's very optimistic.
In fact, she's optimistic about others, but not herself- one of a couple traits she got from me.

As I've said, the common thread between the girls in my story (except for Emilia who is pure in practically every way possible when it begins) is that they come from abusive backgrounds.
Yes, it seems a little stereotypical... to impress that all girls who wind up in the adult entertainment business or around the industry are "damaged goods"... that it's automatically assumed that girls who sleep with roughly 100 guys a year do so because they were abused at an early age- whereas guys who sleep with 100 women a year, it's just stereotypical guy business and nothing to do with self-esteem issues.
[Practically quoting one of my favorite movies- and oddly spoken by one of my favorite actors].
Part of the reason I'm writing the story is to show that circumstances can change and people can change... you are not necessarily doomed to a certain way of life. And these girls are "no different than anybody else"

I knew I'd be dealing with some heavy stuff, stuff that scares me, but all of it does find a solution in the end.
What's unfortunate is that while Amber was born in a brothel and was subjected to pedophiles with fetishes for bondage... Scarlet probably suffered more than any other character I created for this book.

Fiona "Scarlet" Sawyer Rasmussen Castillo
Backstory- age 7-14

Fiona is the older of the two sisters. They live in a single-level (with an unfinished basement) 2-bedroom farmhouse in the rural outskirts of a town roughly 10 miles away from my story's city.

Sometime around this age, their mom dies... I'm still vague on the details how she died. But I do know that their father blamed Scarlet for it...

Originally, the abuse was physical. Scarlet, being the oldest, was beaten when she didn't perform well in school. And she wasn't allowed certain privileges until her homework was done.
[While writing this portion of the back story, I didn't get into too many specifics.. namely because the following page would start pouring on the heavy stuff].

Then the abuse turned sexual when puberty happened... I believe when she was 12... [Given how much a monster their father was, I don't know why he bothered to wait for that particular time window... maybe pedophilia is the only line he wouldn't cross or just that he wouldn't get the same satisfaction until she was officially "sexually active"].
He'd tell her to spend the night in his room, he'd take advantage of her (and threatened for her to cooperate or he'd do the same to her sister) and he would drop off in the room she shares with her sister after she passes out.

Without having to say a word, of course, Ruby understands what's going on. [Unbeknownst to Scarlet, Ruby had been victimized herself starting after their mom died, but in a different way].

There's also an episode where Ruby gets a boyfriend and their father "beats sense into her," saying that being 12 is not old enough for her to have a boyfriend. She's unable to go to school for several days and Scarlet has to lie and cover up for her. And their father cuts Scarlet's hair to turn off any boys from being interested in her either.

The climax of this part of Scarlet's story arc is what ultimately leads to her escape from it. Ruby wanted to audition for a school play and Scarlet agreed to go with her. Ruby gets the lead role, but the teacher calls the house to tell their father how talented she is. Scarlet covers up for her sister, saying she wanted to do it and asked her to audition with her (when it really was Ruby's idea).
This assault is particularly vicious because it takes place in their basement, he ties her to a makeshift bed and... to put it mildly, had she not gotten out when she did, she would have died. That's the amount of damage that was done.

Ruby comes up with the idea to get Scarlet out. There's a small window leading out of their basement and she finds tools to unscrew the bars to get her out. She pushes her way out, but doesn't come with her because she has other things to take care of.

Namely, Ruby pledges loyalty to their father, agrees to his advances whenever he's "in the mood"... basically, having her believe that she's on his side and she would never leave him with the hope he'll forget about Scarlet and not think to pursue her.
It works for a while, but eventually, Ruby does have to take charge of the situation and ensure that he can never hurt anyone again.

Age 14-16
[While I was thinking about what brought all these characters to the same place, I also thought about in which order they arrived and which friendships and loyalties would be forged in which order... in this process, I decided that Scarlet and Amber would be best friends].

Paying homage to her sister, Fiona takes the name "Scarlet" and struggles to find an apartment because of her age. She comes upon the apartment complex where Amber (then Carmen) lives and Amber offers to take her in. She's living with two of the servers at the restaurant they work at... which later evolves into the dance club.

Of course, she's very vulnerable and broken up about the fact she had to leave her sister alone with their monster of a father... even when staying behind was a choice she made and couldn't be talked out of.
So much of the back story that I wrote for her, she's relaying to Amber, who is very supportive. And even though she'd gone through a lot of trouble in her own life, she truly feels that Scarlet had suffered more than she did.

Because the brothers who own the restaurant helped her, Amber asks for them to recommend a doctor for Scarlet... she doesn't show signs of any physical ailments, but she's very depressed and dejected, so she wants to make sure that she's really okay.
But in the examination, they find out that the monster knocked her up. Regardless of how it came to be, she does agree to go through with it because she wouldn't forgive herself if she terminated it. Not long after the diagnosis, though, she miscarries.

It's clear then that whether she'd die from the injuries caused by the rape or the retribution for the miscarriage... she wouldn't have survived in that house of horrors much longer.

What wasn't clear to me right away was how much the miscarriage affected her. How much she really regretted "failing" in that capacity. And ultimately, her dream is not only to be able to fall in love, but also to have a family.
That's a part of womanhood none of my characters really had. I contemplated putting Talia in that position and even wrote an entire scene about it... but realized that it just wasn't right for that particular character. Scarlet had endured the miscarriage and never forgave herself for it... it only seemed right for her to fall in love and have that addition as well.

Age 16-25

Two years after Scarlet arrives, she meets Talia... and things start to change... and Amber is not happy about it because she feels as if she's losing her best friend.

The thing that makes them grow apart: Scarlet wants to talk about her past and continue to work through it. And Amber really doesn't want to go through with that. She's not even comfortable enough with herself to be forthcoming with personal information about where she came from.

Scarlet is kind of an emotional being in that she needs to talk through her emotions or else she feels like she'll explode.
Talking with Talia about how things have gone wrong in her life, she feels comfortable with telling her own back story. And somehow the two of them find a common bond... I guess Talia feels the kinship because Scarlet had also been wronged by a man in her life. Scarlet feels the kinship because they can be open with one another.

Shortly after they met and Scarlet brings up Amber's idea to bring dancing to the venue as entertainment... Talia starts coming up with ideas for performances. Plus she wants to subject herself to prostitute to pay back the debt her stepfather incurred while working for the brothers... and also to help bring money back to the venue because like many places in town, the books are in the red.
She also looks to recruit her childhood friend Vanessa to help. She remembered that she had a talent for dancing, but thanks to what's been going on with her stepfather, she hadn't been able to see her in years. She finds her in a relationship with an abusive/controlling boyfriend and helps her out of it... the brothers get personally involved in making sure this guy never comes near Vanessa again.

Then the trio of Talia, Vanessa and Scarlet is born... and when Amber sees them perform their first number together, she's incensed... for many reasons.
One of the biggest ones is that Scarlet seems to have found new friends and she not no longer matters to her.

Then they hold auditions to find another principle dancer/siren. Amber auditions, but Talia says she's only doing steps- not really living her choreography.
Then Ruby shows up with a couple of her friends (from a strip club she'd been working at) and wows Talia, getting the final spot.

Seeing the sister reunited, her dancing not being taken seriously by Talia and Alejandro clearly more interested in Talia than her, Amber decides to leave.
Scarlet is heartbroken by this, but she is eventually able to move on.

I don't have much figured out for what occurs in the years when Amber is gone... other than the fact that Scarlet is not comfortable with the idea of prostituting herself... Talia is more than willing to do it [but of course it was her idea]. Vanessa does it for a while to help bring in the funds. And Ruby does it to help pay for their apartment (the rent is high on the side of town- despite the fact it's barely surviving), but also because she'd been exposed to it that way of life longer (between the strip club and dealing with their father), she wants to do it so her sister wouldn't have to.

When she performs, Scarlet either does duets with Ruby (where they capitalize on the fact that they're twins, both with dancing and their clothes and makeup) or she performs with Vanessa and Talia.
Talia suggests for her to do a solo number and she does come with some choreography for it... but when she tried to do it in rehearsal, she couldn't bring herself to go on with it. Going solo is terrifying for her... maybe because it reminds her of all the times she was alone with her father with no way of escaping.

Yet when she performs karaoke, she's completely comfortable on stage. Her signature song is to the same song she choreographed the solo number to ("Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera)... for whatever reason, singing the music is perfectly fine.
I never figured out why... other than the fact that maybe she was meant to be a singer instead of a dancer.

Towards the end of this time period, Emilia comes along. There're doing auditions to find another back-up dancer. Talia leaves this up to Scarlet and Vanessa to run the auditions because the past several dancers haven't worked out. She's looking for someone who could make the transition from back-up dancer to siren. Emilia's audition is the first one she's come to in a long time.

I wrote a quick scene where, at Talia's request, Scarlet takes Emilia out for a bite to eat and gives her an overview of what to expect. She also lets her know that the other girls there have gone through trials in their lives and they won't all be as forth coming with that information. It's an unspoken rule that each girl's backstory is their own to tell.
It's a scene that's kind of in homage to when Rocket shows Babydoll around the institute/brothel in "SuckerPunch"...

Age 25- [the main story]

Vanessa and Scarlet both serve as peacemakers of sorts.

Scarlet tries to keep the peace between everybody when things get intense... and she tries to be the optimist in the situation.

She suggests that they do karaoke that Friday night because they hadn't been in a while and she wanted to change the flow of a tense situation.
Not only does Talia meet her future love interest, but Scarlet also meets hers... and it's someone she'd seen a couple of times before, but they've never spoken before.

Among the sirens, Scarlet is among the least intimidating, so a lot of guys have asked her out and she's always said no. She has a good relationship with Alejandro and the brothers (his uncles) because they helped her when she was going through difficulties. But as much as she wants to find love, she's very shy around the opposite sex.

But with Javier, she decides to give herself a chance because there's something about him that she feels confident about.
I'm getting to the point where she's second guessing herself about him... after she'd had time to sleep on it and also because she said she'd give him the address of their next performance... she has to ask Talia anyway about whether it's okay to give him the address because she doesn't like surprises.

But the fact that Javier comes ensures that Talia will see Juan Paulo again... because the two of them are old friends.

Once some of the other girls meet Javier and give their second opinions about him (all positive), Scarlet feels comfortable with taking on this relationship.

There will be a double-date scene with Scarlet and Vanessa- Vanessa agrees to go out with Juan Paulo to check him out for Talia but also to tell him more about her, to explain why she's so standoffish about him. Some valuable information is told to him and later he unwittingly repeats it to Talia and it contributes to their break-up.

Around the time Talia breaks up with Juan Paulo, Scarlet sleeps with Javier- the first time she has sex with someone she cares about and who genuinely cares about her. Leading up to this point, Scarlet is so uncomfortable around the institution of sex (because of what she went through) that she can't even be in the same apartment with someone having sex. When Ruby is entertaining at their place, she stays the night with Talia and Vanessa. There's a scene early on where Vanessa returns home to find Scarlet huddled in the common room because Talia had an impromptu booty call.

Then after she has sex with Javier and she's staying the night with him, she has a nightmare where her past comes back to her. She gathers her things, explaining everything to Javier, who is very understanding, but her confidence is gone and she has to leave.

Eventually, her story arc comes full circle with another pregnancy... which she is very happy about, but it makes her reconsider Javier because she knows he would be a great father. It's just being ready to talk to him again and tell him what's going on. Trusting that he will still want to be with her.
Amber is the one that gives her the courage to get back into contact with him... after Amber's true identity is ousted and the two of them rekindle their friendship.

...what I'm just realizing now is that I really don't have any planned interactions between Scarlet and her own sister, Ruby... not yet anyway... I do have a chapter coming up with the two of them and Talia have a paid gig at a small new club that's owned by a business partner of the brothers...
and I did start a chapter where the two of them act a revenge number that's targeted at their father and Ruby confesses how she got away from him. Up until this point, she was vague, just saying "I gave him no other choice but to let me go."

Ultimately, there's always going to be room for improvement: not everything is set in stone yet with anybody.

Just recently I figured that I might need a new last name for these sisters. I just started with Rasmussen because I thought it was a unique last name- I got from Carmen Rasmussen from "American Idol"... I got Carmen for the character from the musical duo Karmin- some of their songs inspired her backstory and I came up with the whole fact that Amber was a name created for a new identity.
And considering where my story is set (somewhere in South America), I want the last names to be Spanish (although only Talia and Alejandro have any measure of an accent in my head when I read their dialogue)

Inspiration

[totally girl crushing right now...]

Everything about Jena Malone's "SuckerPunch" look... except Scarlet would be strawberry blonde with some red highlights (Ruby would be the opposite- red hair with some blonde highlights).

Having a Likeable Protagonist in Talia [Te Busque]

I'm not sure what got me started on the particular chapter I'd been on for the past couple weeks... but considering I had a couple moments this weekend where I was pouring time into my laptop and/or notebook, this needed to be addressed.


Basically, the chapter I'd been writing is where my protagonist meets her future love interest.
Karaoke night is a popular activity for a couple of my characters. They come to unwind, but also to try out some new dance moves.
For Talia, she likes to perform duets. She'll pick a random guy out of the crowd to sing with her. Usually, it's someone she'd seen at the club she and her friends work at, and it helps keep the homegrown audience engaged in their venue.

This particular night, she picks a complete stranger who she recognizes as an American tourist (again, my setting is somewhere in Central/South America... yet oddly enough, Talia is one of few character I imagine having thick accents)-- the way he looks and is dressed indicates that he isn't from around these parts.
Juan Paulo's background that I have so far is that he's visiting for the summer with an old friend of his- an ex-bandmate/classmate.

It becomes a very steamy number with some dirty dancing involved (probably a combination of moves from "Dirty Dancing" and "Step Up 2 The Streets"... the latter I should probably see just to see if my analogy is correct).
He anticipates that they're going to kiss, so he automatically closes his eyes. Instead, she whispers in his ear a "thank you" and he opens his eyes to find her gone.

Already, a lot of conflict has been going on that I'd written in early chapters. (I still have a couple of previous chapters to brainstorm about/write-- two include performance numbers, which I recently decided I'd write in italics and in present tense).

I introduced her habitual conflicting with Alejandro- who co-owns the club with her.
I hinted that Talia is going through a difficult time... I did get a little explicit in showcasing that, but for the sake of this argument, she's been unhappy for a while and her friends are getting concerned.

Talia is the kind of person who is very proud. She's a bit of a workaholic, but she throws herself into her work (on dance and in the bedroom) to take her focus away from the hurt she'd experienced in her life. She channels her ghosts into her routines, but more often than not, her dances are about letting go and expressing a more powerful version of herself.
Where I'm ultimately going with this is that she works hard to not let the cracks show in her armor- even to the people she's closest with. Vanessa, her best friend, doesn't even know all of her dark secrets, and she usually is the guardian to most of the trials and tribulations she doesn't feel comfortable about repeating.

She also has a method to her madness, but doesn't often explain what that is. And that's what happens in this chapter, that I'd been trying to figure out how to express.


I have the basic outline of this story done, but I've also brainstormed some areas more than others. I wanted to be sure I knew my characters backwards and forwards before the actual writing began... that's still not true :P some things just begged to be written down and I'd done that.

All of the characters have their unique reaction to the scene after it happens.
Scarlet's a tad distracted by the beginnings of her own relationship-- which I just figured out she should have because I didn't have much for her character beyond the backstory.
Emilia is astonished, as she often is, by Talia's dancing. This was the first time she'd seen her at karaoke since she joined the club. She's very optimistic and believes that since the two girls met guys that they'd wind up double-dating.


Earlier in the evening, Talia and Vanessa had butted heads. Talia's been having a difficult time on the off-stage side of the business and needs to take a break from it. Vanessa says she could fix her up with some of her amiable exes, something that Talia refuses to play into.
Her few experiences with love have ended badly and she's skittish about the idea of relationships. Not to mention she has a seething hatred for the opposite sex since the men in her life (except for maybe 2, who happen to be her bosses) have proven to be untrustworthy.

After things cool off and everyone's winding down for the night, Vanessa tries to lean back into things. She understands how Talia is known to put on an act, but she always knows when she feels strongly about something.
So in a sneaky sort of way, she's trying to get Talia to admit that she enjoyed herself with the guy she did the duet with. Because Scarlet meets someone, she draws reference from that and uses the conversation about that to figure out where Talia's head is at.

That wasn't my original plan for the post-karaoke scene. I planned for Vanessa to push Talia for answers, trying to get her to admit that she liked him, but Talia resists.
It was sort of along the lines of "Oops... I did it again"... which I could possibly use for the next time that Talia and Juan Paulo meet...

But originally, I did have Talia laughing it off, saying that she got lost in her own game, and she didn't mean anything by it.
This came off to me as abrasive and almost mean-spirited, so I changed my mind.

The other tricky part is the fact that she acts differently around Emilia. She puts on a brave front for her, but she also keeps her in the dark about a lot of things.
Vanessa's known her the longest and knows better... so they can only get serious about things when it's just two of them.
Things get a little rocky between the two best friends later in the story, which I'd already written about, so I don't want to put their friendship through too much too fast.

I think I read somewhere that protagonists don't necessarily need to be likeable so much as they need to be believable.
With Talia, not all the ends justify the means... I may not have enough in her background to explain the way she is. But I can't explain away all of my personal quirks either.

I do know that she is a flawed protagonist...

I read somewhere else that characters in a novel all believe that they're the protagonist in their own story. And they have no idea that they're sometimes supporting characters in the grand scheme of things.
I'd like for my girls to each have something about them that justifies them being the main characters of their unique story arc. They all need to have motivation or something that pushes them forward.

And I didn't have these kinds of conversations with myself when Amber was simply the antagonist to Talia... before I came up with a backstory, got to know and put a lot of my personal quirks into her.
That's what I get for being in her mind space for so long :P Now that I have Amber 90% figured out, I should put more energy into making these kinds of scenes work.

The trick is just figuring out what I want to be explored in the given scene and how it connects to the story as a whole.

Emilia's starring debut [Te Busque]

Introduction:

I started putting this in a Facebook status and quickly realized I'd need more room to give the full explanation I want to give for this sketch :P 

As of this point in my brainstorming process (which has involved some actual writing- so far, I've got 50 pages of the actual novel done), I don't know enough about this character to give her the "bio" treatment YET. But I can dispense with some details as I explain my drawing.

A while ago, I scanned a couple of my sketches in my PC and colored them in using MS Paint. So I thought I'd give this another shot. Plus, it's good practice for when I finally figure out the highlights in Amber's hair going this same route.

History of the Drawing:

The date on the drawing is when I finished the sketch. For whatever reason, I like marking down when I do certain drawings :shrug: color me OCD if you want. Once I scanned it into my computer, I worked on the colors over the past week.

Characterization Details:

Emilia De Le Rosa, 19, is the youngest member of the dance troupe at the center of my novel. She's a very technical talented dancer, particularly in jazz with experience in contemporary, pop and hip-hop. As of the start of my novel, she'd been a member for only a year.

The Scene in Question:

Emilia is in costume for a special routine. She'd been a back-up dancer and has been in supporting roles in routines featuring Talia, Vanessa and Scarlet for the year she'd been part of the dance troupe.
This is the first time where she has a starring role and it's the opening routine of Amber's theme night.

I picture the routine being Fosse-esque with jazz nuances in the choreography. Emilia is dressed as a magician's assistant. Her magic wand comes into play only a couple times where it appears to "command" the lighting (this part, I'm still brainstorming).

She plays flirtatious with her hat and also uses a table and chair as props.

I derived inspiration from Catherine Zeta-Jones in "Chicago" for her "All that Jazz" number and Liza Minnelli's look [notably, the hat] in "Cabaret."
As for the skirt... it's the 3rd/4th draft of what something I saw in a dream--a grey Burberry skirt on a rack. It wound up being that shade of blue because Emilia's color palette features a lot of blues and whites. White is a particularly significant color to her because it symbolizes purity. She's the only virgin among the girls and also the only one not to have experienced any degree of abuse... not to spoil too much, but she does undergo a traumatic experience that leads to a major turning point in the third act of the novel.

I'm not usually one to draw lips or lipstick, but I kinda wanted to give Emilia some big Taylor Swift lips for this particular routine. But when I drew them and colored them in the first time, they looked very clownish than I would have liked... which helped me make the decision to do the MS Paint treatment. It came out so much better.

The hairstyle pays homage to Emily Browning in "Suckerpunch," Emilia's source of inspiration. Where she got her namesake, skin tone, eye and hair color from. I also wrote a line that harkens back to her character's name, where Emilia says to Talia "I’m not the porcelain babydoll you think I am."

I haven't figured out much about Emilia's life before she joined Talia's ranks, but then, I only have Amber, Scarlet and Ruby fleshed out completely at this point.... thanks to the fact that I have notebooks set aside for them, but also because I feel a camaraderie with Amber personally and I hit a sadistic streak when penning Scarlet & Ruby's back story.
Talia is my protagonist, yet I don't feel I have her completely figured out yet. Vanessa, I only have a few ideas sketched out, most of which I'd changed my mind about with time.

What I do know about Emilia, though... she seems like just a secondary character at first. She's still the new girl kinda along for the ride, seeing how Talia, Scarlet and Vanessa roll in the club and outside of it. I had thoughts about making her the narrator, but ultimately decided against it. She observes a lot, but doesn't do anything significant for a while. But when Talia's inner conflict comes to light, her actions help dictate where the story goes and where her loyalties lie have significant impact on the characters. Particularly in a later conflict between Talia and Amber... which would have figured out differently had Emilia not learned what she had during the course of the story.

#AskELJames and My Own Fears as a Writer

Apparently, today is one of those days where I get uber paranoid, terrified, frustrated and angry all at once... as if the rest of the world isn't already so goddam negative, all that bad energy is getting to me.

Let's be clear: I'd only read the first "50 Shades" book and I saw the movie twice. First in theaters and second after getting it on DVD. The movie was much better than the book. For someone like me who gets sensitive around a lot of sexuality, it was a relief that the movie only had 4 major sex scenes. And yes, that does kinda scream to the school of "this genre is probably not for you"... but forgive me for wanting to stretch my boundaries every now and then.

As a writer... I will concede that the book was badly written... but the attacks that really caused this Twitter trending event to go off the rails came from all the critics of the "50 Shades" series and the author didn't answer any of those concerns.

Concerns that she not only misrepresented BDSM as rape culture but also condoned domestic abuse and perpetuated that "it's okay because Christian Grey is rich." I'd heard many of these concerns before and reading the first book, I understood them.
It's written from Anastasia Steele's POV, so I see and feel everything she feels. I felt the sexual liberation when she lost her virginity and I did feel the heat in the sex scenes. One caveat I had was that it was just too damn repetitive and too damn often that they [excuse me] fucked in this book. But seriously, how often can you write sex scenes and keep the reader engaged without it getting repetitive?
What I REALLY felt reading the book... her low points where she felt used by Christian, the moments where it felt like he really didn't have a heart...

The movie treatment gave Anastasia Steele more positive qualities. Granted, the second time I saw the movie, her pleading with Christian for this relationship to be NORMAL... it got a little repetitive too. But I liked that she was taking initiative about things.

***
I did have a point to all this....I just got a little lost in rehashing all these details.

We all have our fears as writers. The most prevalent is not getting published and all this hard work being for nothing.

One I have frequently is that people will say my writing is terrible. That my characters are two-dimensional. One of my own fanfics [based on one of my favorite animé series] that I transformed into original fiction... a couple of my commenters said the writing was terrible and my protagonist was a "Mary Sue"... which is writer's slang for BORING.
People have used the same phrase to describe Bella Swan.

Which is yet another issue I had with #AskELJames... I know "50 Shades" was originally "Twilight" fanfiction... but I never saw Bella and Edward's relationship as an abusive one. The only real negatives I saw was the stalking and the beginning of "Eclipse" where he wouldn't let her see Jacob.
...how I feel about Jacob Black is another topic all to its own... but the short version: I liked him in "Twilight" and "New Moon" (up until he became a werewolf and nearly led Edward to commit suicide... HATED him through most of "Eclipse" and that hate continued until the 2nd half of "Breaking Dawn" after he finally got over Bella.
Yeah, I'm VERY Team Edward and Jacob spent the majority of the series annoying the hell out of me.

Admittedly, in the movie version of "Eclipse," I was incensed that Edward wouldn't let Bella see Jacob by unattaching her car battery... but all the feels I had for Jacob when they finally got time together blew up when he said he'd rather Bella was dead than become a vampire.... I don't care what the circumstances are, you do not tell someone you care about "I rather you were dead"...

Kristen Stewart's portrayal of Bella, I have my nitpicks about... but I've lived and breathed her while reading the books. I know she's better than a lot of people give her credit for.

***
And again, I'm side-tracked a bit.

I'm afraid I'll never get published. I'm afraid nobody will like my stories. That they're called "bad writing".

One fear with this particular story I'm writing... well, it's warranted, but it's also unavoidable.
When you write about sex and selling yourself for sex, there'll always be critics. No matter how much I rationalize that there are few other options for these girls, people are going to disagree.

I just hope people don't draw negative conclusion about ME by reading the books.
That I'm making light of these situations to further my writing career, that I don't take it seriously...

My characters are by no means perfect. I just hope I don't wind up making Talia and Amber too unlikeable.
Right now, the criticism I could draw about Amber is that she goes too far to achieve her goal. That being a bitch doesn't justify her feelings about things. And also that the other characters shouldn't be willing to automatically forgive her after she explains her motives... Talia is the only one who takes a while to come around. And likewise, it takes a lot for Amber to accept Talia's motives.

Amber wasn't just Talia's antithesis, but she also answers a lot of criticisms Talia may get from readers.
Initially her grand explanation for EVERYTHING is that her stepfather persuaded her to have sex with him and she fell in love with him and her sleeping around with strangers for money is her way of getting back at him.
Amber doesn't buy into it, especially because Talia's experiences were the result of childhood naivety. Whereas many of the other characters actually experienced abuse and Talia's business of using dance to flaunt sexuality is equivalent, in Amber's view, to portraying yourself as a piece of meat for consumers to drool over. As if all the horrors some of them endured meant nothing to her.

Again, what I aim to do with my story is to get faces to girls that have gone through this type of abuse and show how they can use it to fuel their actions to help them channel that negative energy and therefore heal.

Protecting My Girls/Female Cast [Te Busque]

Much like my previous entry about Vanity/Apollonia 6, this began as a Facebook status and I decided it was better suited for a blog discussion.
Only in this case, I didn't even begin a Facebook status because I had this bad feeling that I'd be editing it for half an hour before I came to this conclusion.

The idea for this started when I read a couple things in the paper this morning. The first was about the notion of a registry for strippers and people who work in the adult entertainment industry.
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2015/jun/19/bill-to-create-state-stripper-registry-may-see-hou/
Here's a version of it online for those who are interested.

It does bring up some good points, I will grant it that. Trafficking is an important issue that needs to be cracked down upon.
But the notion of putting these girls on a registry if they want to be the business... what's to say that isn't going to come back to bite them when they move on other industries that are less... what's the word... controversial?
Granted, some will have to declare it in interviews when they have to give their employment histories, but others want to move past it and deny they had to lower themselves to that business because nothing else was working out for them?
Maybe I'm not giving businesses enough credit here, but to me, I feel like that'd be a red flag they wouldn't be willing to work around.

For as long as I am working on this story and writing this novel, I'm probably always going to be looking at storylines in TV and movies and headlines in newspapers and thinking about my girls, my characters... as characters, I have them pretty much hashed out and developed in my head (as well as in various notebooks I'd been keeping). But some of these things probably be used for inspiration and might become elements in my story (in small and large capacities).

It's kinda funny because I'd been nowhere near this industry personally- yet I'd become so close to my girls that I feel protective of them. They don't even exist beyond my notebooks, Word documents and this blog, yet I feel I need to defend them from the stigma that comes from the adult entertainment industry.

Let's get one thing straight, though: my girls aren't strippers.

They are dancers that work at a nightclub. Ultimately what goes on is that they open at night for a number of hours. A lot of young people come to drink (the bar is the only fixture that remains of the original establishment- a restaurant in a degrading neighborhood that was losing money). There is dance music pumping through the speakers. But through the course of the night, the dancers come out to perform elaborate numbers.

I refer to them as "sirens" because they are a) gorgeous, b) the star attraction that draws the crowds- but unlike the sirens in "The Odyssey" they don't create shipwrecks, c) experts at what they do... which happens to be Latin dancing and entertaining.

Another interesting thing that appeared in the paper today- there was a poll asking how many people were in favor of prostitution and against it... the divide was pretty even- 45% for 55% against.
We're here thinking they aren't quite the same thing. But I had to point out that they're different parts of the adult entertainment industry.

I don't know how I'd feel about it being legal in the U.S.... I feel like it might change the aesthetic of the country. Not to mention it'd probably allow for more people to take advantage of the populous and sex trafficking would become an even greater problem than it already is.

What I know for sure is that where my story is set, prostitution is legal.
It's a small fraction of the operation I've constructed, but nonetheless, it is a point of contention.
This is a poor neighborhood, so really, the only source of income involves sex, drugs and tourism. If not one of the big cities like Rio De Janeiro, it's a small town on the outskirts of a big city like Rio. And tourists visiting the area might have heard about these legendary drop-dead gorgeous dancers and that's what generates business... a 4-5 star restaurant might not have the same effect.

I'd hashed out another "mythology" for my setting that does involve prostitution. It's a dodgy part of town I refer to as the Underground... and there, people specialize BDSM.
"50 Shades of Grey" helped a little bit with my creating this facet of the story. Even if it's just a small part of it, it's something else that adds to the motivation of one of my characters.

At this junction of the story- which is really the only junction I care about since it's the part of it making it into the main novel- only three of the sirens are involved in the prostitution side of things.
Ruby's motivation is money-motivated. The rent for lofts and apartments is really high, probably because the money is needed to restore the neighborhood, but with some corruption, it's probably just filling the pockets of politicians. Plus she does it so her twin sister Scarlet doesn't have to. Their experiences growing up with their abusive father had such a negative impact on Scarlet that she doesn't have the confidence to take a lead role in any of the performances (at best she's on stage with her sister and their "gimmick" is dressing and dancing as mirror images of each other). And as I'd recently realized, she hadn't any sexual experience since she was able to get away from him.

Amber's motivation is money-motivated as well, but for reasons other than rent costs. Whatever extra money she has left over after rent, it goes to two of her friends who are saving up to buy another establishment- which happens to be located in the Underground side of town. She also wants to use it as a place to put on her own performances: which don't just involve Latin dancing, but also other genres like hip-hop.
Her affiliations with BDSM, which she became an expert in while living in the Underground for the past 5 years, also helped her secure a position there.
And she also does it, believing Talia would never take her seriously if she was just a dancer.

The addition of the prostitution layer of the business was Talia's idea and it was what sold her on becoming a partner in the club ownership. But her motivation for it is more on the self-serving side of things than it is monetarily. Granted, the money she procured for the mob bosses that owned the place helped pay outstanding rent and utilities and it also goes on to pay for costumes, stage designs and so on.
But she's also a bit of a sex addict :shrug: it doesn't help that in her teenage years, she was told repeatedly by someone she trusted and cared about that sex is the only way to make money in this town.

Sadly, that is true for a lot of people in underdeveloped countries like the ones in South America... there are few opportunities to make a living and most are bound there by the sheer fact they can't afford to migrate to another country that has more to offer.

I honestly don't know why I suddenly took it upon myself to get on this soapbox.
This story all started with the idea of bringing some of my favorite songs to life in a visual capacity.
And originally it was going to be about a girl in the prostitution industry who ends up falling in love with someone she meets at random and her boss(es) wind up having to let her go.

I guess I also wanted to explore the stereotype- that girls who involve themselves in the adult entertainment business come from less than desirable backgrounds. They were either poor, grew up around the industry, were sexually abused, etc.
And I ultimately wanted to say that they are real people and shouldn't necessarily be taken for granted.

But also my greatest motivation: I've never really written a female centric story before. All of my work have involved love stories. Guy meets girls. They fall in love. A lot of shit happens and they either become stronger as a result or someone dies at the end.
Granted, there are some love stories involved here and that is part of the story. But the majority of it is about friendship among women, exploring different parts of yourselves and discovering you had strength that you didn't know was possible.

Vanity/Apollonia 6- Te Busque inspiration

I'm not sure how many times I mentioned how Apollonia 6's lone single "Sex Shooter" was the "activating incident" for this story I'd been writing since 2012... but I'll say it again.

As a HUGE fan of Prince's music and his movie "Purple Rain," I'd put together a playlist of all the music from the movie. Most are songs from the albums, but longer versions. Others are B-sides and outtakes that he'd set aside for the movie, but never made it to the soundtrack.
I believe that particular afternoon, I was listening to another outtake [that later got revamped for Jill Jones's debut album] called "G-Spot" and followed it up with "Sex Shooter"... it didn't just bring me back to the scene in the movie, but gears started turning in my head.

Maybe "Te Busque" was simply my way of resurrecting the "Vanity" look in another time and place with a completely different story...
but this one song gave me an idea I'd been chasing ever since. And also helped me realize ideas I'd been gathering when I had Nelly Furtado's "Loose" album on heavy rotation.

My story has evolved IMMENSELY since then. But the one thing that remains is that these girls are dancers, they flaunt their sexuality in musical numbers, and some of them offer sexual favors to close business deals for their bosses- who happen to work in the drug trade. [Taking that into account, maybe this should take place in Columbia instead of Brazil... but I have plenty of time to figure that out].
The one difference in my version of this cliché- the latter part of the job is something that some of the girls do of their own free will [not all of them participate in this]. They aren't hookers who were forced into the sex trade. It's maybe a little cliché that all of them had less than perfect childhoods and it helped contribute to this. But there's also the fact that there are few options to make a living in this poor town.

Vanity 6 featured three girls dressed in leather boots, heels and lingerie. On stage, their prerogative was to bring sexual fantasies alive with their dancing and their music. Listening to their album, they have songs like "Nasty Girl" and "Wet Dream"... really risqué stuff... I mean, these songs were written by the same guy who wrote "Darling Nikki."

Not all of the songs on my inspirational playlists are nearly that risqué, but I find their stage presence very inspiring. They're confident with their bodies and flaunting their sexuality. All part of the female empowerment motif I'm going for.
I watched some concert footage that I downloaded for inspiration the way I'd used a bunch of music videos and my playlists...
it made me wish I could dance like that :P I promise, it'd just be for research. Another way to get into my characters' heads.

The "Vanity" look suits Amber so well and not unlike Vanity herself [shocking considering how AMAZING she looked while performing], she's not entirely comfortable with this way of performing.
I could totally see her having a similar look and stage presence.

Why Amber's a "Ladykiller" who has "Tickets" to her own show [Te Busque]

The words in quotes are the titles of Maroon 5 tracks.
Whether or not they will make it into the actual story, I'm still trying to figure out.
It's strange- the vast majority of the music that's inspiring my story are all by female artists. Maybe because Talia has this attitude about hating men... I still think about how funny it was that I spent so much time with these female influences (a bunch of personal role models), I fall in love with another male celebrity [this time an athlete] and have zero recollection of the last time I felt that way about a guy.

That kinda dispels any doubt in my head that I'm straight. I may be a little bicurious at times, but I definitely feel that attractive pull more strongly towards guys.

Anyway...
The first time I heard "Ladykiller" while running through Maroon 5's Overexposed album, I was perplexed as much as I was awed.
Because to me, it sounds like Adam's warning an ex-girlfriend to stay away from another woman. In reality, that more likely isn't true... maybe I was just looking for something more spicy..


Then when I started putting "Tickets" on heavy rotation, the visual brainstorming really started kicking into high gear. I see Amber dancing with her two guy friends, Michel and Misha. The three of them are on a stage doing a lot of cha-cha and samba steps. She's being flirtatious as usual. This time around, I started picturing choreography with her arms, folding them and twisting them in different positions in front of her.

Both songs, I see coming into play in one particular pivotal scene.

The set-up:
Talia had just broken up with Juan Paulo, the guy who spent most of the 2nd act (of three) wooing her. And they'd only been together for a couple weeks. An argument ensues, he says some things that he doesn't mean, but she takes very seriously and breaks up with him over them.
Emilia overhears the argument... her apartment happens to be located on the street they happen to be walking... she goes after Talia reason with her, only to find her already making out with another guy. One of many "booty call" guys she has saved on her cell phone when she needs a quick fix.
After the guy storms off upon the interruption, Emilia is beside herself. Talia deliberately kept this part of her and their business from her to protect her innocence. In this instance, Emilia proclaims that she's going to work with Amber instead- since she'd made it clear that she wants to work with her. Talia tries to talk her out of it, saying that Amber takes the business too seriously and she couldn't handle it. Emilia insists that nothing could be worse than Talia shacking up with a random guy not even 10 minutes after breaking up with a perfectly nice guy.


I started brainstorming a bit more while running through "Ladykiller" earlier today and I came across an interesting notion:
I never took into account what the other S&M prostitutes thought of Amber- particularly after she left their side of town and Evangeline and her girlfriend wound up dead. Isaac owned their business and may have told them that Amber turned Evangeline into a lesbian- which led to her murder.
Having said that, "Ladykiller" might take on a literal meaning.

I'd also played around with the idea that Amber was so hardcore as a part of Talia's business that some of the back-up dancers quit because they couldn't handle her way of doing things.
I'm still not entirely sure about going that route.


Supposing my book ever got finished/published and turned into a movie, this could be an interesting number where Emilia wonders through the dingy side of town. Although this city is very poor to begin with, this is the poorest part of it. [For whatever reason, I'm picturing an early scene from "Rock of Ages" where a bunch of local prostitutes harass Sherrie, singing "you were meant for this since you were born"]


The only way Emilia can find out where Amber works her 2nd job is either a conversation with Vanessa or Ruby.
Maybe she calls Scarlet/Ruby's apartment. It's not too late in the evening, so Scarlet is probably still with Javier (they're either having sex at this point or had just finished).
Ruby answers. Emilia asks where she can find Amber because she needs to talk to her. Ruby goes down a few floors, knocks on Amber's door, but she doesn't answer. She then calls Vanessa, asking her the same question.

In a previous scene that I'm still brainstorming about, Vanessa and Amber have another conversation. Amber had just started materializing her idea for a theme night and if Talia agrees to it, she wants Vanessa to be a part of it. She tells her that she really needs this to work out, not just to make a mark at the club, but she needs the extra money for Michel and Misha's business. She relays that she tries to help them out whenever she can and she performs with them some nights.

After hanging up with Vanessa, she calls Emilia back to forward the address. But she still tries to warn her about her. Emilia rolls her eyes, insisting she can handle her being extra hardcore about the business. Ruby still insists that she be careful. Saying how she'd blown up at her several times and doesn't like spending time with the other girls. "Just don't be surprised if she ends up breaking your heart. At the end of the day, she's the only one she really cares about."

Despite what just happened with Talia, how she spent the past year or so looking up to her only to have that image in her head smashed, Emilia remains optimistic. She truly believes Amber is different and wants to really get to know her since the other girls have clearly given up on that.

"Tickets" could very well be an inside joke. Amber dancing to this music because that's how others perceive her. They believe she's only concerned about herself and could care less about the people she hurts along the way.
However, this winds up not being the case. Amber is very warm with Emilia, looking very forward to working with her, while on the inside she's rejoicing because she knew there'd come a time that Emilia would tire of following Talia's lead [ergo the song "Told ya so" by Karmin].

All this being said, I have a couple of scenes to work on.

*Vanessa and Amber- "I have an idea and I want you to be part of it. And I hope Emilia will be too."
*Conversation with Amber and Talia- "You'll see. There will come a time when Emilia tries of following your lead and wants to join me."
*phone conversation involving Emilia, Ruby and Vanessa
*Emilia walking to the gritty side of town, taking in the surroundings, asking the local girls where the place is located and they tell her to watch out for Amber because she got one of their friends killed [and later, the conversation needs to happen where this is clarified]
*Amber's performance with Michel and Misha shortly before Emilia shows up.