Girl Power: Exploring Female-Centric Storytelling

Going as far as back I can remember, everything I wrote had the same formula.
Girl meets guy that is usually very mysterious or simply is unlike anyone they'd ever known before. Whether it's the first time they're opening up to another person (Jonas), they're a softie under a tough exterior (Lucas), it's always the fascination about the guy that drives the story. Then it's something that has to do with them that propels it forward.
I keep writing to find out what happens to them.

At the same time, although there's always a love story in whatever I write, my focus is almost always on the guy. Like the guy is my main character and the girl is the observer who become a key source of inspiration slash love interest.

I've just always had this issue with writing female characters because they have a little too much of me in them. I see my flaws pop out in them, whether it's brashness I'd never act on in reality or my insecurities.
Just for the heck of it, in a few short stories/sketches I wrote in 2011-12, I vented through my character, who was caught up in some kind of depression, just so I could work through something I was feeling. After a while, though, I just got sick of it because it's always the same thing. Kinda like my life at this moment, but I'm hoping for things to shake up a little next week.

Another issue is the mere fact I didn't have that many female friends.
This is gonna sound super crazy, but I think I can literally count the number of girlfriends I'd had in my life on one hand.
Of those 5 really substantial girlfriends, we're all Facebook friends, but don't really talk all that much... we occasionally comment on each other's statuses (more common with some than most)
but the latest addition, Sam, who I met so many people/friends through... we still keep in touch semi-regularly and for her friendship, I'm extremely grateful. 

None of them were the kinds of girlfriends you see in the movies where there're always trips to the mall, trying on clothes, checking out boys and all that.
It's nothing like what they show in the movies. I enjoy my favorite movies despite the fact I don't have that in common in reality, but all the same, I wouldn't mind something similiar in addition to what I have.

Anyway, there was a reason why I was going into all this... and it does involve something I wrote. Unlike the previous short story I discussed, this one shakes out a lot better with the logistics and the storytelling and such. I thought it might be a good idea to try expanding beyond the usual stuff I wrote with a girlfriend-type story.

It'd bring into some small things from my own life, but I wanted a friendship between girlfriends to blossom through a time of crisis that makes them besties for life.
It was one of those many whispers in the back of my head of something I wanted to attempt, and it was a matter of the right muse showing up to get me started.

That muse happened to be American Idol Season 8 alum Alexis Grace.
So much time had passed now that... aw, who'm I kidding? I literally forgot every other performance of hers after she slayed Dolly Parton's "Jolene." 
I only remember her "Dirty Diana" cover the week before because it was the top 13... I have zero recollection of her semi-final performance or even what song she did, but she was labeled a dark horse after whatever song she did.

In my view, it was a perfect marriage between her and that one song, and I was shocked that she went home as quickly as she did. One of the most devestating American Idol eliminations I experienced... and I'd include Clay Aiken missing out on the title in that discussion.
The only thing substantially more difficult to swallow was Colton Dixon last season going home in 7th... and for the life of me, I couldn't get why Phillip Phillips got all the votes and went on to win... I didn't get him... I still kinda don't, but I have warmed up to his original material.

Another writing trend I went through in these past couple years, after I couldn't put forth the effort to write something of novel-proportions... is that something would come up, either on TV or in a movie, I'd get really attached to a character or person and something happened to them, and I put down on paper (figure of speech, it's always via keyboard) how I saw them so I don't forget what they were like.

This was the first time I went through that process.
I'm kinda amazed, and perhaps there will come a time where I'll kick myself because of this, that considering how much I missed Colton after his elimination, I didn't fall back into the same pattern... write a little something about him.
I might hate myself in a few years for not getting his essence down in paper in the form of a character, although I did write lengthy reviews after each week of American Idol and continually say that, even though I wanted it to be a girls' year, he made me fall for him week after week.
Luckily, he got a record deal and released an amazing album, so there is zero chance I'll forget him entirely.

With Alexis, several elements came together... and it started with her physical description and the few lyrics of "Jolene" I could remember, despite having listened to her sing it half a dozen times, between the performance night, the "save me" performance and on YouTube... 
going by the song as a whole, she could have turned into this girl of unsurpassed beauty that my character would develop a strong relationship with, but then a guy would come into the picture and his attention would be taken up by her...

other than "she was a beauty beyond compare," none of the other lyrics ever went into the story I ended up writing. the "Jolene" Dolly sang about had auburn hair, and supposedly was a bank teller that astounded her husband with her beauty, and she made a big thang about it by putting it in song. Somewhat of an overreaction, I'd say.

Alexis just had this look that set her apart and of course, she had a charming voice I adored. 
I guess you could say she'd go on to join a list of "girl crushes" I procured over the years.

Elements clicked into place little by little the story practically wrote itself over the course of almost 3 months
22 pages, 10,905 words

The end result that blossomed became more than I could have ever imagined. 
I found a pretty good vehicle for myself in Casey Carlton, who began this story as Nick Carraway getting glimpse of Gatsby, that type of narration. Then she stepped away from being the observer, going on about all these things about this girl Jolienne Carine (its a little redundant, both names are derived from words that meant pretty/beautiful), to seeing her for herself. The one time they meet, they hit it off right away, and suddenly she disappears.

Enter the meat of the story: 
Jolienne is hospitalized with leukemia, dropping the name she adopted (according to her, "I traveled abroad one summer for my French class and Pierre, one of the boys in my host family, gave me the name. When I first arrived, he kept telling me how I was ‘jolie,’ which is French for ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful.’ Somehow, the name caught on and nobody’s known me as anything else.), and seeing as Casey happens to be a volunteer at that particular hospital, their friendship grows little by little.

Supposedly, her reputed popularity was an illusion. She got this reputation because nobody else in their school looked like her and she exuded this electric vibe everyone wanted a piece of. Now that she was off the map, though, her existence as "queen bee" was forgotten about.
Naturally, she is nothing like her rep, and is a down-to-earth, extremely sweet person that got dealt a bad hand with this diagonsis. 
Without Casey's friendship, she might not have survived all the treatments and such... heck, she might have been on the bone marrow donation list until it was too late to save her...
although in a later draft, I might have to change up a few facts cuz, supposedly, you have to be 18 to donate bone marrow, and I may have written them as high school freshman... 

Interestingly, they said that you must be 18 and due to the voluntary nature of this procedure, they don't allow a parent or guardian to sign a release form for it... you learn something new everyday. 

I doubt I'd ever be enough of a people person to follow the example of my character, getting in volunteer hours at the hospital to take down information, change IVs and such, and be a source of moral support to people who don't get regular visitors. Later on in another story, I write that she is gearing towards becoming a psychologist for cancer patients.
I wasn't aware at the time that people do do that kind of thing for a living. Anna Kendrick plays a character who has that exact position in that Joseph-Gordon Levitt film "50/50."

Casey's kind of a blank canvas that I could put in a number of situations. I'd even considered redoing this story so she and Jolienne/Alex were hospital room mates when Casey had her procedure done that would go on to inspire her decision to do the volunteer work and so on.
Taking a paper out of my own life, she had surgery to take care of her scoliosis.

Supposing I were to do it all again with that part of the story, Alex's leukemia came back years later, and only when they meet in the hospital again, under different circumstances, they recognize one another from years ago, getting all the more closer.
With all that, I could make the story twice as long as it is.

Or maybe years later, I could have a number of stories done with those two characters, with a few extra additions.
If I were to take it to the publishing routes, I'd have to change at least one name in process because when I reunited the two of them, I brought a character from "Less than Zero" along for the ride.... although the movie moreso than the book.
Speaking of things I had trouble getting over... but that's another story entirely.

Quite possibly, despite the relationship blossoms between my character and his, I could play with the idea of Alex/Jolienne and Casey going beyond friendship as well. Really playing up the "girl crush" thing and playing around with the possibilities of that.

Revisiting a Hack-Job: The Ghost of Leo (2005-7)

I'd been getting more in the habit lately of revisiting stories I'd written ages ago. 

on my movie blog, I'd been going through a list of what I consider my favorite movies... or at least some of them.
http://moviegoerconfessions.blogspot.com

Just in case I hadn't posted the address yet.
I'm up to #85 (out of 101) and it was the Reese Witherspoon/Mark Ruffalo romantasy flick "Just Like Heaven."

Great movie, especially if you've got a box full of chocolates.
Just kidding. But it is a pretty engrossing film that I personally enjoy a lot.

Going through the synposis and such, I remembered that part of it inspired something I wrote, if only the last page or so.

Shortly before I started college, I began a story that was originally inspired by "Danny Phantom." Man, that was a great series.
Anyway, I thought about this mysterious character with a ghostly outline and these glowing green eyes.
I started going from stream of consciousness more or less, but little by little, I put things into it that just sprang to mind.

Anyway, after a while, school happened, my interest and focus tapered off and I found my way back to writing fanfiction, this time about "InuYasha." Great animé series, I'd mentioned it a few times.

One year, I made it my mission to complete everything I'd written and if there was no chance, I was going to "throw it out" or in the case of the PC world, delete.
And I'll be honest. I regret throwing anything away nowadays.
However little sense it made and how much copyright I might have infringed, I wish I hadn't gotten rid of this one story... where this guy was the only member of his family to survive a house fire, he's taken in by his Aunt Clarissa, who runs an animal rehabilitation place. He's having these fantastical dreams about dragons and such, but really, everything that came out was from the Playstation game "Spyro the Dragon." Which I still play to this day, even though I'd been through it thousands of times.

The gist of it was that, supposedly, in the fire he'd forgotten his name. It is never mentioned, merely alluded to, but ultimately, his name would have been the same of the small dragon he'd dreamt about based on Spyro himself. 

As for Leo, I got so far with the story, then decided later on I would severely shorten it because I wasn't coming up with a lot of ideas.
To be fair, the logic in my storytelling was always really sketchy. That's what I get for writing a story from an idea that isn't fully realized. Heck, my logic with Leo himself was extremely lackluster. 

The first scene had him materializing the bedroom of this girl he was in a relationship with. Technically, this story is told from Tricia's POV more than his. She spends the first part of it trying to figure out who he is or was to her.
Supposedly they were separated by this big accident. He lost his life saving her from it, and meanwhile, she received so much damage in the accident that she literally lost the first 13 years of her life.
The only life she knows is of the last 4 years... she's 17, a junior in high school. She lives with foster parents and has no memory of her real family.

There's the trauma of the accident itself, but supposedly an air-conditioner fell on her head from a second story window, which accounts for the other half of her amnesia and loss of long-term her memories.
With that alone, how much sense does all that make? Honestly, I haven't the foggiest.

According to Leo, they were neighbors with degree of age difference between them... 6 years. Supposedly they met when she was 11 and he was 17... how much sense that makes, I really don't know. He talks about how he had feelings for her that he had to keep to himself because with the age difference, it would be frowned upon, but after a certain point, he didn't care anymore. 

An issue goes on throughout as to what Leo is. He appears to Tricia a couple of times when she's rendered unconscious, either at night while she's asleep, or when she starts blacking out for no apparent reason on a school day.
First she believes he's a spirit or ghost of someone she knew. Then she keeps defending the fact that he isn't a ghost. I had a severe lapse in judgement there, obviously.

During this school day where it all starts, Tricia kinda starts to realize the illusion of popularity. She's surrounded by all these girlfriends, but realizes she doesn't know any of their names or anything about them other than them being cheerleaders, volleyball players and whatnot.
The logic is that Leo managed to create that illusion so Tricia would have security and stability, something she lost in the accident. Not sure how much sense that makes either.

The only thing that she maintains from her popularity is the attention of this guy, Wes. Seriously, the first name that came to mind... at the time, I really liked the name, but I don't remember where I got it.
Geesh, that statement isn't even accurate. She had a crush on him for years, but they'd only said a couple of words to each other. Suddenly, it's as if they're close friends because throughout the disorientation plaguing her mind (with everything being an illusion and such), he has her back no matter what.

She falls ill and luckily, at this specific time, the school is evacuated because of a bomb threat.
This isn't completely random, though. I think in September or October of my first year of school, we had to evacuate, take the stadium seating and we were forbid to use our cellphones (easy to say for me cuz I didn't have one at the time).
This is is merely a vehicle for Tricia and Wes to bond, and he's a gentleman for driving her home. 

Supposedly Tricia has the flu and throughout this time, her memories are attempting to come back through Leo. But the logic completely falls apart when she immediately gets better the next day and Leo materializes. 

The story that follows is that Wes is distrustful of Leo, who apparently came back into Tricia's life out of the blue. He sees him as being a few extra years older than Tricia does. From a destination, to Wes, Leo exudes the age of 25.

After that, I drew from another source of inspiration from my life.
We had faulty fire alarms in the college dorms and it would go off whenever someone burnt popcorn. There was one night, 1/24/06, where I woken up in the middle of the night by the alarm, but I was so tired that I decided not to get out of bed.
As the alarm blared louder, I started to suspect after a while that there might be an actual fire and I might die... because I was too stupid and lazy to get out of bed.
Luckily, it was a false alarm. 

I put the idea of a faulty alarm in the story earlier on, and later decided to incorporate that incident into the story as its climax.
To get the proper setting, I decided that Tricia was doing so well in these advanced placement courses that she had the opportunity to study at a local private school where credits for the advanced courses counted towards college credits. 
Throughout this, Leo tells her that he has a bad feeling about that place, "people change" when they go here, and so on. She doesn't buy into any of it.

Again, all randomly thrown together.

Then in the climax, the fire happens. Tricia doesn't bother to get up and out because she thinks its a false alarm. Leo breaks in to save her life. But Wes, who decided to transfer there because his parents happen to be really rich but he decided to stick to public school until now (how convenient!), confronts him and says that he saw him light the fire himself.

Then comes the biggest load of crap I ever threw together... and at the last minute, no less.
Even more convenient, this is when Leo is revealed to be a ghost. Wes tries to throw a punch, but his fist goes right through him... and seconds earlier, Leo had carried Tricia out of a burning building.
Age comes back into question and Leo confesses that he should be 24, but he is 19 based that was his age when he died. So Wes got a vibe from him that he was older than 19, even though he appears that way... again, my logic sucks.
But to save time and more meandering on my part, I'm going to copy/paste this part so anyone who reads can judge its legitimacy for themselves.

While they waited for the fire trucks to come and put out the flames, Leo explained the story of what happened. In his later years of high school, he went to that private school, but rumor had it that it was cursed. It had been built on ancient Indian burial ground. Those were also the years where his feelings for Tricia were the strongest. Due to the influence of the cursed spirits, Leo felt like he was developing another personality, a dangerous one that could hurt Tricia. At times, he’d have blackouts and wake up somewhere, not remembering how he got there.

Several months past and the blackouts were getting more frequent and he couldn’t remember anything he did over longer periods of time. At the same time, arsons were happening in the area close to the private school. Leo found himself waking up closer and closer to the scene of the crime. A few times, he’d be out cold for days at a time. He started to check a map of the area to see if there was a pattern. He circled each of the targeted houses and noticed that they were at different points off of a circle of homes around the private school. When he drew a pattern, the four houses were part of a pentacle symbol with the private school standing in the middle of it. He looked at the point above the school and Tricia’s house was the one above it.

When he found that out, he told Tricia and her parents to take a trip out of town for the weekend. She asked what was going on since she was seeing less of him. He told her that he’s been checking into the arsons and it’s had him up for the past few nights. He worried that her house was going to be next, but she thought he had nothing to worry about. Luckily, they had already planned to see family that weekend. Before they left, Leo took her into his arms. She asked, “Leo, you’re shaking, what’s wrong?”

“Tricia, I love you so much and I’d die if anything happened to you. I couldn’t live without seeing your beautiful face.” He gave her a kiss before they broke apart. During that weekend, Leo looked around for evidence. He then went into the private school’s dumpster and found some of his old clothes in there. He found that all of them had been singed at one point. He gasped when he realized that he had been the one setting the fires. He rummaged through his things and found plans that apparently his dark side had sketched. He too had drawn the pentacle pattern in his blueprints.

To see if this had any connection to the private school, he decided to Google “pentacle”. He found that the tribe of Indians that lived in this area was cursed by another tribe. This enemy tribe was a bitter rival of the residing tribe and since they were unequipped to defeat them in battle, they used the underhanded tactic of hexes and curses. The curse could only be broken if a pentacle was burned into the ground where their territory once stood.

The Sunday that Tricia was returning with her family, Leo was experiencing headaches and he had one last blackout before night fell. He felt something foul was in the area and it was coming from the school itself. He sensed that the restless spirits wanted to take this into its own hands because his feelings for Tricia were so strong that he couldn’t bear to put her out of house and home.

He saw the headlights of Tricia’s parents’ car go by the school, but suddenly it was acting strong. The car started careening out of control, almost as if it were under the control of the spirits of the Indian tribe. He rushed out of his dormitory, quickly realizing that he wouldn’t make it in time. All of sudden, he felt a new sensation. He started running after the car, steadily gaining speed. He could barely comprehend what was going on, but he had caught up with the car. He knocked on the window, telling Tricia to roll it down. He urged her to tell them to hit the breaks, but they weren’t working. He followed alongside the car until it came towards Tricia’s house. In an instant, it crashed into the gas main and the car burst into flames. Completely acting out of instinct, he opened the left passenger car door, grabbed Tricia and dragged her out just as the car exploded.

He realized that he had taken the impact of the blast. Tricia slowly woke up while Leo was dealing with severe 3^rd degree burns. Not only that, but he was dealing with severe pain as well. She was all over Leo, asking a million questions at once. “Are you all right? How were you able to keep up with our car? Why’d you do that?”

Leo quickly figured out that the Indian spirits had possessed him in order to break their curse, but also to help him save the one he loved. He was cringing with pain that seemed inconsolable. Tricia realized that her parents had been incinerated in the blast and Leo was slowly dying from his injuries. His dying words to Tricia were that he wished only for her safety and her happiness. After he died, Tricia completely lost it. She didn’t want to leave Leo’s side and couldn’t believe that her family and her one true love had all died and she was the only one who was spared. So shaken by the incident, she was unable to move or sense that the trouble wasn’t over. That’s when the air conditioner came down from the 2^nd story window and hit her on the head.

Leo said to Tricia and Wes, “I didn’t want you to come back here because I thought I’d set another fire to finish breaking the curse.”

“But how were you able to come back?”

“It’s hard to explain, the spirits of this tribe have called my spirit to different parts of the country to break other curses. I wanted desperately to return to see you once more.” He stroked her cheek, “I’m so sorry for all of this, but all I wanted to do was protect you.”

“So, did these ‘so-called spirits’ help you fix things so Tricia would have the ‘perfect life’? Like with her popularity and everything?” Wes asked. Leo nodded, “Regrettably so. I wanted her to be happy because of this incident. She lost everything she knew in one night and I wanted her to get past that.”

“Now that your spirit has completed its mission, are you going to return to the spirit world now?” Tricia asked, on the edge of tears. Leo nodded, “I’m afraid so.” He stroked her cheek, “I was so glad that I got to see you once last time. I love you.”

“I love you too. I wish you didn’t have to go.” He nodded before kissing her once last time. The moment their lips lost touch with one another, he was gone. 

so there you go.
The story ends with Leo disappearing, Tricia and Wes have a relationship through college but go their separate ways.
The final scene is inspired by the rooftop scene at the end of "Just like Heaven." Tricia meets William, a native american man with glowing green eyes,  and the two have an immediate attraction as if they met in another life.
I know reincarnation doesn't happen that quick, but it makes a little more sense than some of the other stuff in here. If I had room, I'd post the whole thing here, but if anyone else wants to filter through my so-called logic, they can contact me and make of it what they will.

The story isn't all that bad, really. It has a lot of good elements that could be made better with a little more focus, but the execution of it all is just ghastly.
But to fix it and make it legit, I just wouldn't know where to begin.

[possibly] a new beginning for my "White Tiger"

For a number of reasons, and I'm sure I'm not the only writer who has thought/said this, I am hesitant to share what I write. Blogging is one thing where I can just go on and on about a topic. So what? It's a blog. I have very few friends and know few people, so few individuals I know will see what I write. Little risk is involved.
But it's an entirely different story (literally, cuz we're talking about lit, opposed to something that would be contrused as a memoir/journal). Maybe I'm worried that people won't "get" where I'm coming from. This sounds totally silly, considering how sensitive I can be of people's opinions of me, but I feel protective of my characters. I'm afraid others won't see them the way I do, so as much as I want to get out there, I shield them from prying eyes.

And naturally I'm hesitant to share this because this particular story/project was stolen once before. I could say, the more time goes by, the more I can believe that this person isn't a convincing identity thief type that would stop at nothing to have my work for themselves. 

I wrote the following over yesterday, between the morning and night hours... with the time in between being devoted to being at a family function. And so far, I have good feeling about this:

“What are you all doing in here?” The barrage of whispered confusion surrounding me immediately stopped. Their attention shifted to the new arrival, giving him away as their leader. His footsteps pounded into the cave, easily breaking through its renewed silence. Meanwhile, I fought to stave off unconsciousness and opened my eyes. Something about his voice was familiar somehow, but I couldn’t remember where I’d heard it.

Despite my instincts demanding I change my mind, I locked eyes with him. The highly decorated tiger gasped, but unlike so many others I had met these past several months, he seemed taken aback. I struggled to breathe, but even that proved to be too much. I coughed, gasping for air.

“Let me through!” The clan made way for him as he knelt beside me. His eyes never left mine as his hands examined me. The bruises on my arms and legs protested his touch, however gentle it was. He cupped my cheek after I managed a more substantial breath.

As if afraid to break his concentration, a voice within the clan hesitatingly asked. “Kohaku, do you know her?”

Kohaku kissed my forehead, staying in place for several moments. When he broke contact, he answered with a question he posed to me. “Chihiro…” My ears fluttered at the sound of my name. Nobody had called me by it in a very long time. Kohaku delicately took me into his arms. His body rose and fell with a sigh of unimaginable relief. “She is my goddaughter, the heir to my sister’s clan.”

Unintelligible conversation erupted once again. The same tiger responded on behalf of the rest of the group. “Kirakotsu had a daughter?”

He turned his head to face her. “After observing her countenance, do you understand why I kept her existence a secret?” Although he continued to address his followers, his focus was entirely on me as he cradled my head. “White tigers are extremely rare as are such individuals in other races. No one quite knows why this inflection occurs, but it is almost always seen in a negative light. No matter what the motives may be, that prejudice is why Chihiro likely spent months fighting for her life.” Kohaku traced the side of my neck in search of a pulse. When he found it, he nodded and dropped his voice to a whisper, “Chihiro, I need you to stay with me, all right? Everything is going to be fine from now on. I promise.” Whether it was relief or weakness, I couldn’t be sure. But at that precise moment, my consciousness slipped away.

However foolish it seemed, given my recent history, I believed him. Conflict rushed through his veins, pangs of anger and sadness—all for my benefit. Meanwhile, his calm gaze never wavered, as if to say he wanted his strength to become my strength. Little by little, Kohaku nursed me back to health. Fish stew came three times a day and he always made sure I had more than he did. At night, he kept me warm with several blankets. More were added as the winter months grew harsher.

But getting me to speak again proved to be his most difficult task. Not a day went by without him asking me once to tell him what I went through to get there. He did everything to reason with me. He assured me repeatedly that nobody in his clan, him included, would dream of hurting me. Likewise, nobody would track me down to retaliate for my confessions.

Then over three months later, Kohaku gave me a piece of advice that changed my mind: “It will help to talk about it with someone because it will give you closure. Having closure will give you the chance to move on from the pain and the hurt you went through.” 

I couldn’t help but agree, but one thing still troubled me. I swallowed, clearing my throat. “When I got here… what you said about me… the fact I am so rare…Have you ever come across anyone else like me? Not just our kind?”

“No, I haven’t, Chihiro.” Clearly, he was still getting over the fact I finally spoke. He managed to contain his joy and his composure relaxed. “Why do you ask?”

At this point, there was no going back. I had to tell him. I had to tell him about the white wolf. Even a year later, I still believed my encounter with him saved my life—despite the fact I saved his that very same night.

I don't know how much feedback I'm going to get, but this is here in case anyone is interested. 

I want to maintain first person POV, seeing as this is Chihiro's tale to tell. Part of me is worried that I didn't show enough or tell enough from her POV. Most of what I have is dialogue, which often saves me the trouble of having to go into great detail about stuff. 
I'd written a couple versions of this premise already with her being in various conditions. Here in particular, it isn't necessarily as dire as it had been in the past. She's on the brink of starvation, battered and still carries the bruises inflicted by her own kind... some simply because her appearance marks her as an outcast. Maintaining a little mystery is good, but hopefully this isn't so sparse that anyone who reads feels like they need more detail. 

But I will be going into plenty detail later, so it's not like there will be millions of unanswered questions... if anything, there should be less than 10. That's most desireable in this case. 

It's strange. I'd written a number of scenarios, what feels like, millions of times over. I know my characters extremely well... ok, maybe just Chihiro and Kohaku, who dominate my experimental files. But it's a matter of figuring out the choice of words I want to use to describe the situation. The one in particular I wish I could develop more is why exactly she can't speak... I barely even highlighted that fact in my passage. I just wrote in passing that she hadn't spoken since she arrived and perhaps hasn't in several months.
If I were to guess, it would be at least three months before finding Kohaku, right after this growth spurt occurs. The idea is put into her head that simply speaking results in unnecessary violence and quite simply, she's experienced substantial drama. Heck, I could have made the argument that finding her mother's dead body after the massacre was such a shock, it robbed her of speech, perhaps forever. But I think the story would be severly lacking in some spots early on if she didn't speak at all.

One thing I'd kinda noticed about my writing as of late is how I'd been keeping things neat and orderly. I'd tried to use different types of sentence structures and a fresh set of vocubulary so I don't repeat all the same words and phrases all the time.
And I think one of my other projects, which happens to be grounded in non-fiction, is where it all began. I want it to have a sense of professionalism, so I'm upholding off all these standards.
Now I can't seem to turn it off despite the fact I hadn't worked on it in months :-P

I'm also guessing part of me is keeping a lot in mind because I don't want my weekly email subscriptions to writer's digest to go to waste. 

As for where I'm planning to go after this:
Chihiro will tell Kohaku about when she first learned about the war, one last conversation she had with Kirakotsu before she went into battle. And of course the encounter with Lucas... the all important scene that gives her motivation to succeed in her goal: to find a new home where she can serve the purpose she was groomed for by her mother. 

Without that encounter, she would have given up right then and there. Either she'd have died of starvation or would have fallen victim to the first enemy she met. 

All the while, I'd like to keep the following in mind: Lucas is the spark that drives Chihiro forward, but I don't want this part of the story to be oversaturated with the mention of his name. Would it be possible to do that without making it seem like it comes out of nowhere in her next dire moment of need? He can't be the one thing propelling her forward. I also don't want anyone who reads to see his name pop up 20-30 pages later and wondering a) who was he again? and/or b) where did he come from? 
Then again his name will be mentioned in the synopsis, so I don't think that'll be a huge issue. 

Man, rejection has me feel annoyed with myself when it comes to making sure everything hits their mark just right.

Anyway, anyone who reads, feel free to leave feedback and I'll see what more I can come up with in the meantime. 

White Tiger: Toying with Biology and Flashbacks

Probably the worst feeling in the world when it comes to writing anything... whether it's writing the first draft, starting a brand new project or beginning again with a brand new draft... staring at the page and realizing that that "strong opening line" isn't coming to mind.

There are few things more important to a story than having a strong first sentence. Because that's what keeps the reader reading. Whether it addresses a person, what a person is feeling or what, there has to be a reaction like:
"Why does s/he feel that way? I have to read more to figure this out."
"Whoa! You've got my attention. What's going to happen next?"

With this story, my first draft began with a lot of exposition. A couple of years after I wrote it, looking back at it, it felt phony to me to start with "My name is..." 
The latest draft I did, which is going back to 2011, was a bit more dramatic: "Mother was worried. Something is coming." 

Now that's a beginning that could get a heart to skip a beat. I could keep going with that, but there's also the question of what I do next. I wrote a little bit of exposition to explain the kind of world this story takes place in, a little bit about tiger clan hierarchy, Chihiro's mixed heritage. The question that follows up in my head is: how long should I drag this out before going back to the first sentence? Followed by: Should I bother with the exposition at all? 

Because I really don't feel confident with "throwing away" my drafts, I know I'm going to have that information somewhere where I can pull it out if needed. If one thing comes up a lot in the querying process, it's the hook, snagging an agent's attention, especially if their submission guidelines include the first couple chapters/pages of the story. There has to be enough there for them to want to keep reading.

So while I work to answer those questions, I've moved onto another idea, a temporary Plan B:
Restarting the story in a completely different way-- we're at the penultimate event of Part 1; Chihiro finds her second home with her uncle/godfather. And while she's recovering, she retells the story of the journey she took to get there. 

But I hit another brick wall: Where to begin, with her arriving there or with her recovering there.
Obviously I need a clear head for all this and my eyes starting to go a little bit as I'm typing up this entry... it's not going to happen tonight. 

Last night I started on one of my badly timed brainstorming sessions. As soon as my head hits the pillow for me to go to sleep, my mind starts cranking out ideas, and I'm too comfortable to roll out of bed, grab my notebook and write it all down.
Once again, I started playing around with the idea of Chihiro being a white tiger because of a genetic mutation that only affects a handful of individuals, rather than playing around with man and beast consummating. But given the kind of realm this is, nobody will know what genetics is. When members of a species are born with white fur and blue eyes, they either believe it's a bad omen (because they don't understand why this difference exists) or it gives away a bond of dirty blood (royal bloodlines mixing with common folk) or, an even more ancient belief (adultery).

The other week, I determined that the cause of the massacre that destroyed Chihiro's way of life was nothing short of jealousy. Her mother had several suitors and she picked none of them in favor of someone else entirely. 
Heck, I could build up the fact that Silas, the eventual villain, vowed revenge because her refusal of him was an embarrassment to his entire clan and a blow to his reputation.

Chihiro's father could have been a nomad passing through and came across her mother in a time of need. She opens up to him about her predicament, marrying someone from another clan so they can bring their families together. But none of them feel about humans the way she does. They have been at peace in her region since she came into power and she didn't want to damage that trust. Slowly but surely the two fall in love, she decides she is strong enough to have no need of marriage. "You live your life and we'll continue to live as we have for a number of years." 

The one snag is whether Chihiro's feelings for Lucas are believable. Surely if I take the inter species relationship out of the picture, the idea of man-beast hybrids, members of different races can't fall in love because they obviously cannot reproduce.
But in my weird, twisted universe, I can technically make up whatever the hell I want to fit my situations. 
This could easily be something that can have the story go full circle. Kirakotsu chose love over fulfilling a "duty" to her species. Ultimately Chihiro makes the same choice, choosing to give her life for Lucas, forsaking the duty she'd worked so hard to be ready for... her goal throughout this story should be taking her place as the heir of her mother's people and wanting to be at her absolute best to do that duty to its fullest. Throughout her training and journey with Lucas, a shift starts to happen.
Providing a balance to everything is definitely going to be key here. 

Which just leaves the question of Lucas. Is his parentage similar? Did his father (his pack's alpha) consummate with an omega from another pack? Should his story remain the same it's always been? He and Chihiro developed a bond earlier on because their personal histories have similarities. 
Technically speaking, I guess Lucas could still be a bastard son because he came to be out of wedlock. And his mother, if she isn't human, could have human sympathies the way Chihiro's mother does with the human villages bordering her territory. Their relationship begins with his father's intrigue about human life and why this she-wolf allies herself with them.

All of these are ideas that need to be developed further, but I think I might have a foundation to work with.
The one thing that is for certain is that Chihiro's mother had immense trust and regard for the human race and for them to declare a war that results in an all-out slaughter... such a thing could only have been stirred up by dark magic. Which Silas only had recently perfected his craft in.

That is an important thing for me to bear in mind after all of this goes down. Chihiro's newfound distrust/fear of humans, as a result of this, leads to being caught between a rock and a hard place. Not feeling confident in seeking their help when, at times, they seem willing to offer it. And the hard place, of course, is being outcast by her own kind... which can only escalate from bad to worse. With humans, it'll fluctuate, but an uneasiness will always remain in some small way.

Brainstorming Part 1 of "White Tiger"

This is a tentative title that I will most likely be changing... at least to relieve my conscious of being plagued by the fact someone stole my story and tried to profit from it... not that I'd been losing sleep over it, but until this venture ends in a success story, it's going to bother me, if only for a little bit.

I'd been scribbling a couple of things in my notebook and have been coming up for a few ideas here and there for what I can do to make this story... fuller... I guess is a good word for it.

I decided that I was going to break the story into three parts, three parts of the story of this one character... who she dealt with adversity, overcame it, found love and sacrificed herself for it... 
Quite a bit of part 2 isn't going to change at all... if there are any changes, it will be omissions, particularly of conversations... not just taking out one or two people, but the repetition that, after a while, I just couldn't stomach... you know things are bad when you're a drama queen and that particular trait has you annoyed with yourself

Until now, I've, quite simply, skipped over explaining this part of the story entirely... all I'd written were that beatings from her kind were frequent, being ostracized was the norm, a fear of humans still linger despite the fact encountering them involved the few moments where the comforts of home were provided... food, water, shelter and a warm place to sleep...

Other than that, the only two solid events were meeting Lucas and finally finding a new home with her godfather... I simply skipped past all that because I didn't know what I could possibly add.

What I ended up with was a new use for the name "Silas" and seeds of doubt being planted that involve the only way of life she knew... 
albeit, it's a little dark... not to mention malicious...
It goes without saying that half-breeds are outcasts and being half-human entails not being able to belong among the race of the parent who raised you... so some violence will result from that... the degree of said violence ranges from bad to horrific... and there are only a handful of individuals that would participate in the horrific... 

When I was doing the initial work up of the logistics of this world I've created, I decided that the following things were given:

• Tigers are relatively peaceful, non-confrontational race in the "if you leave us alone, we'll leave you alone" school of thought
• Because of this supposed war that erupted between these two races, there are few tigers left
• Kirakotsu (Chihiro's mother) was one of the most powerful members of her race and greatly respected

As I'd worked through trying to map out how human interaction varies from interaction with her own race, I'd found a few road blocks...

If there are so few tigers left and humans are more fearful than violent, how she not only end up on the brink of starvation, but broken?

That would have to mean that some of the things she had grown up knowing prove to be false. The race is scattered and however many are left are extremely good about covering their tracks, assuring that their way of life is unable to be found by anyone outside of their own.

The end result is that she manages to track down a number of clans... somewhere between 8-10 along her journey, just to throw out a number... but she is unwelcome based on her parentage... once or twice, violence occurs in retaliation, fearing that humans might use her to track them down with or without her knowledge...

As she dwells further down this road, she learns more about her mother's relation to their race. Learns that she and her family were outcast simply based on her actions to consort with a human. Also learns that she had several suitors interested in her, all of which were infuriated when she chose a human over all of them... they don't find this out for several years because, as a general rule, "tigers are extremely good at hiding if they don't want to be found." 

On top of that, I added another "general rule" that, when I really thought about it, I found a lot of sense in...
Tigers are a race that believe in soul mates... once they find a mate, they are unable to [completely] fall in love with anyone else... it doesn't matter if the distance is in miles or life & death... once they pick someone to love, they will never have eyes for anyone else...
This also goes on to explain why Chihiro feels so strongly about Lucas... the mere idea of him dying being so unbearable that she'd rather die so he can live...

Eventually, she manages to cross paths with these former suitors... I think only one of them has a solidified territory... the others are part of nomad parties that travel around the region without settling down... I suppose there is a kind of poetic symmetry to this...

Chihiro's clan was predominately female... meaning almost all of her family was female... I don't know why, but I have trouble imagining any males being part of it... and yeah, I'm aware that in nature, tigers are solitary by nature and my model is closer to the lioness structure, this was never meant to be completely anatomically correct.

These nomad parties are made up of males... which goes on to explain why a select few individuals treat her in the way that they do... heck, their mentality is likely no sharper than that of a frat house... at least one of these parties shares that degree of mob mentality...

I should make it clear, though, that I DO NOT believe that all fraternities are made up of guys that want nothing more in life than to drink and get laid... sometimes when it comes to cheating spouses and such, I hate the increasingly viable fact that men seem genetically programmed to be that way... and that's more or less where I'm coming from with this.

The evidence starts to pile up little by little throughout this, eventually explaining to Chihiro why her mother wasn't as respected as she was raised to believe... 

part of me is still trying to determine whether or not to take some liberties with her age... it originally started with her being 9 and then I changed it to 11... playing out some scenarios, I had her going through an unexpected growth spirit in this time she's wandering... 

if I make her too old, she might seem ridiculously naive. Taking the plot this route, the idea being pounded into her skull (and the rest of her body) that Kirakotsu wasn't thought very highly of, and by extension, her life was worthless... I can't make her too old because there's no way she'd believe it.

Part of me is also leery about her being too young. Unless it's the way of the animal, there's no way I can have a huge growth spurt. The other way for that to happen is for her to be on the run for years... and with all the factors, there's no way she could make it past a couple of months.

I had a few late bursts of inspiration before I went to bed and also a couple after I laid down. In one of my random "alternate/deleted" scenes, she encountered a handful of individuals that trashed Kirakotsu's reputation... it's a given that she is on the offensive to protect her honor, only to pay the price.

It'd be cool if I could use some of that for the story, but I'd have to change the setting where this all takes place... otherwise, she wouldn't think to trespass into one of a series of caves to get out of a storm, where she happens upon her godfather's clan.

There's a natural progression that has to take place where it goes from bad to worse... oddly, the few bright spots that come into part one... other than the "bookends" of the journey, is when she's in the company of humans.

They're kinder as she goes further north, most likely because the aligning villages are in good standing with Kohaku... he has a great attitude about alliances and allegiances and such... as I will go into later

Humans originally start shooing her away. In the first case, one wants to go after her, thinking she'll lead others to them, but another in the group talks him out of it on the mere fact she most likely doesn't belong to anyone... some see her and out of pity, leave food out for her... only a handful invite her to talk with them, but by this point, they're doing most of the talking

The climax to this part comes down to Silas... who was to be Kirakotsu's life partner until she found love elsewhere... as a result, he "curses" (not in the literal sense) her family and wants to be sure they pay for whatever they may have done... humiliation, shame or just being turned down... and he has the powers of sorcery on his side...
symmetry again... Lucas has his adversary in Ivan... the same race, but its pure blood vs. half blood... Chihiro & Silas, same thing... 

By the time she does encounter him, she's close to the end of her rope... battered and bruised, both physically and mentally... although all of the dialogue will be available for the reader to see, she will attain none of it, falling in and out of consciousness... oddly enough, the one thing that saves her from him bewitching her mind to the point of torture is this powerful memory she has of Lucas... apparently he's unable to trifle with "true love"... or whatever pish-posh I wanna throw in for the benefit of the story... her heart is her strongest weapon in this and even though for a while it might not seem that way to the reader, her being a strong individual, hopefully I can bring that point across... 

It becomes clear that he has targeted her for a reason, bringing several of the nomads to do his bidding... getting his final revenge on Kirakotsu for spurning his affections by breaking her only daughter's spirit... 

Everything does connect later on... but it'll be an 11th hour thing when she finds out why the massacre happened, why her family was killed... that's reserved for Part 3 in the biggest of climaxes.

At the moment, I'm determining whether or not it'll make sense to bring Lucas into the narrative at that particularly important moment... before that, not really mentioning him again... because if I do, I might end up doing it excessively and I'd rather my readers not get bored in her pining for him... that's all of Part 2, lol

There's a decent chunk of time until he actually comes back INTO the picture... 

after Silas leaves her for dead, she makes her way to her final resting place... which becomes her new home... and the rest of Part 1 is about Kohaku picking up the pieces and building her back up... faith in family, which takes her a little while to accept...
along the way, he acquaints her with a neighboring wolf pack, whose leader is on his last legs and he thought she should get to know his successor...
Sandy doesn't make an official appearance until much later... ;) I liked him a little too much to take him completely out of the picture and I'm confident I know him well enough as a character that he's not going to become the Jacob of this story...

some of the circumstances echo "Twilight" in an eerie sort of way... 

while on that subject, I want to aim for part 1 to be a minimum of 20 pages... which is roughly how long "Twilight" was before Bella & Edward met for the first time...
not that I'm hinging the whole story on the same things, but I'd like to keep a certain few things in mind when it comes to how long these things are... 

I'd love for Part 1 to be 50 pages... then part 2 would be 100 and part 3 to be another 50... that would bring me to 200 pages... dream scenario... everything matches up the way I want it to and the grand total is 300+ pages

that would be just be incredible.

(to that end, my final Twilight reference for the entry... that book is 498 pages... I'm a LONG time away from 500 pages... so I'd like to at least manage 200 solid pages first... then shoot for 300)...

I guess the biggest key to all this is finding a sense of balance to the story... between how many pages each part is, to how many times "Lucas" comes into the conversation in part 1... I've got plenty of ideas down here all ready and hopefully soon, I can get this thing started.

The most important thing is for the morale of my character to be just right with the believability intact... how will these experiences shape her perceptions about people and life? 
I've already kinda figured that her fear of humans is a moot point, given that there were some pleasant encounters towards the end... maybe her initial fear of Bastian at the first meeting is because he know magic and at Silas's hand & will, she only knows the negatives about it... 

Although that might be a good reason why Kirakotsu didn't pursue him with any interest, he could have been dabbling even all that time again... I just know the dude has a major grudge and there's nothing he won't do to exact his revenge.

Returning from a Revisit: WTF was I thinking?

I'm sure we'd all come across that thought a number of times in our writing careers. I know that sometimes I can so monotonous and repetitious in my writing. But I had no idea that I was this bad.

One thing that gets under my skin whenever I read through submission guidelines is when they say they're looking for a certain word count. Or they're looking for this many pages. I've written much less than this in recent years, but the furthest I can get is just over 100. One day I'd love to peak at 200+ pages, and something like 200,000 words... heck, I'd love enough material for 400-500 pages, and it's all concise and stuff.

Recently I'd been reading "Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters" and noted how it's more character-driven. And plot is very slow to come across at some points. Usually the characters are discussing their relationships and such. Of course I know Jane Austen is one for exposition and length and all that.
But I don't necessarily want to be that kind of writer.

Having the comparison just made it easier for me to come to my conclusion:
I have such OCD when I write that I have cover all my bases. If my protagonist experiences something, either physically or mentally, s/he has to tell the other characters everything in her head.
But if the same stuff is repeating over and over, it gets pretty annoying.

I just spent the past couple days re-reading through "White Tiger"... it was my latest draft, which I stopped rewriting about halfway through and kinda, you know, stopped working on.
I loved the direction I was going on in too.

I'm pretty big on prologues and back stories in general and I'd love to keep my lengthy introduction to this story. But the main critique I'd gotten is that my prologues run too long and they should be considered part of the story starting with chapter 1.
That was another weird thing about this story: I never had designated chapters... my increments were always in lengths of time... so technically, I guess I could have Part 1, 2 and 3, but they'd have to be similar lengths.

If I do that, it's pretty obvious to me that the "meat" of the story will be part 2.
Supposing I stretch out my prologue until it can stand alone as its own entity, I'd have to write a bunch of story I never wanted to bother with.
That was my main issue with maintaining continuity and such. Whenever I didn't feel like writing about certain trials and tribulations, I keep the time stamps that range anywhere from a couple days, a week, to two months. Then in a few spots, 10 years and 2 years.

I'm also afraid that if I length my prologue, it's gonna get too dark and stay too dark for too long. And if it does get severely dark, it has to be a smooth transition to the next part. Meaning that it doesn't get too light right away.

It'd severely ironic of me to say I hate writing dark stuff when I actually do dabble in that frequently. I'd written a number of scenes off the record that stand as a testament how much I put Chihiro through over these years.
Doubtful I can use any of that because most of it is rewriting the same scenario repeatedly but the circumstances change.

Geesh... bar none, I can be really shitty to my protagonists and the stuff I put them through. It started with my fanfiction and progressed into original thought... and that was before I started watching "All My Children," my one & only soap.
The first original idea I had started with a session of health class where the question was why teens are driven to suicide.
Throughout my high school career, we received word of at least 5 suicides. We received the print-out in homeroom, where it explains what happens and that there is counseling stuff on site for anyone who needs. There was only one time where I knew the person. She was in my biology class and I had concert choir with her one year. I'd tell the story of what happened, but I'd be inaccurate and it wouldn't do her justice. We weren't particularly close, but a lot of people in the drama and choir programs were close with her.

For the sake of argument, my protagonist, like me, was very conscious about their grades and it was that pressure that they put on themselves that eventually drove them over the edge. But on top of that, I threw in all kinds of crap, whether his parents were going through a divorce, he was physically abused by his mother's new boyfriend... either way, he kept all that hurt inside and that's how it came to pass.
But of course, it was a failed attempt thwarted by his friends, to whom he never confessed anything to but they suspected something was wrong. Then he doubted his self-worth so much that when he got sick, he refused the antibiotics that would have made him better. Until he finally decides that he has something to live for.

The way I write about my characters sometimes makes me believe that I ought to be cited for literary abuse... I need to learn, if I do go down that path, to put as much as is NECESSARY for the plot... there's a point where it just gets excessive.

The one thing a lot of my characters seem to have in common with me is that they suffer from lack of self-confidence. And they sometimes have trouble speaking their mind about things. I have no trouble confessing to a computer screen, but forget it when it's actually asking for help or bringing something up verbally.

Jamie's lack of confidence... and it didn't start out that way... all this crap kept happening to him until he just gave up and cut himself.

Chihiro's lack of confidence eventually results in her giving her life for someone she loves because she believes "he can make a bigger difference in this world than I ever will" even if it means abandoning the duty she'd worked the entire story to get ready for.

Aside from repeating the thoughts I came across in narrative in dialogue to my characters, just to prove a point or make sure they knew everything I did... my biggest issue that I kept coming across was Chihiro tearing herself down, believing she isn't good enough.
Heck, she cried so much throughout this it almost felt like she'd give the protagonist of "Perks of Being a Wallflower" a run for his money... she was constantly apologetic if she didn't do things quite right or, in the case of one plot point, trying to kill the person she's in love with when she was under a spell the entire time.

I think it got to a point where I started to thinking that she's so pessimistic all the time that my readers aren't going to fall in love with her or want to continue reading to see how things are going to end.
Of course I've given away the ending a number of times throughout this that there's really no point.

I gotta find that ultimate ending believable. Taking a romantic rival out of the mix makes the romance a little more plausible, but at the same time, I cannot repeat the notion of sacrificing for love and the happiness of another person. So that's one element I need to eliminate...
this might be a good story to work on analyzing cause and effect.

I've been working with the idea for a different kind of antagonist... to make up for the elimination of the 2nd villain I borrowed from the InuYasha universe... someone from Chihiro's race. Possibly with a vendetta against her family because her mother rejected him and his proposition to merge their clans. The impasse was reached because he doesn't tolerate the human race the way she does.

So I have another way of orchestrating the first crucial plot point: Chihiro was sheltered from the outside world and its distrust/hatred of people like her, who have a half-human heritage... so few exist to begin with because of this predjuice.
Presumably, the humans declared war on her race, and her mother has no choice but to take action... which results in a bloody massacre. So Chihiro has no choice but to navigate this world on her own, an endeavour that proves very difficult.

I guess it could be good to add is that she has to find her only relative, her godfather... something that takes her a little while to figure out... for a time, she is wandering aimlessly in search of another clan to call her own where she might one day rule... although I'm not sure when to bring up that point because whenever it's mentioned, it puts the momentum back into the plot, drives it again.
I'd also considered the possibility of delaying the first time she comes in contact with Lucas. It's deciding the lesser of two evils: if I bring him up too soon, the memory of him might be in the mix too little or too much, if I bring him up too late, there could be issues there too.

The next thing I'll probably do, aside from the cause & effect outline, making sure all the bits and pieces of my storyline have relevance and work towards a goal... I'll go thru track changes and such, take out filler, remove characters and include a few notes to keep in mind.

cuz if I go anywhere further about those things here, this entry's never gonna end :-P

Animé Inspiration: InuYasha

One thing that's been a constant throughout my "writing" years... which is, at this point, half of my life... cuz I started when I was 13...

When I find a new source of interest, something I can totally leap into and get lost in, chances are extremely good (like, 90% if not 100 of the time) that it'll find its way into my writing at some point...
All of it blurs together eventually... where it's all that 4Kids animation making its way into my Pokémon fanfiction... or my new favorite movies being referenced in my novels ("Phantom of the Opera" into my sequel to Jonas's story... which is so weak in its overall storyline that I highly doubt anyone will be reading it)...

I have seen very little of that lately. The last huge inspiration I had was Mr. Downey, after whom I'd written a few accounts with his characters in mind... Larry Paul from "Ally McBeal" and Julian Wells from "Less than Zero"... characters pretty hard to let go of while watching their perspective source material.
Only difference is that I doubt I can stomach "Less than Zero" in its entirety ever again.

Other than that, all my writing has been blogging... whether it's mentioning my latest favorite movies and books and actors and musicians... or discussing ideas I'm considering writing about.
I've found it very hard to commit to any sort of long-term project because I don't know where to begin. Plus all the stuff I'd learn either in my creative writing class or online from my writer's digest newsletters puts a lot of extra pressure on me, things that I have to keep in mind, and honestly, it's a major hassle trying to get everything just right...

Supposing I develop that degree of OCD in my writing and I'd never get anything done...
Nothing really new to report on Cassandra (which I haven't looked at in MONTHS) or Te Busque (I'm golden as long as I don't tire of my 30+ song playlists)...

What I'm eventually gonna discuss happened during Bleach the other night...
the series is finally starting to pick back up again. Not just being back to the main story arc, but we're finally back to the main characters... Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Chad and Reji... which I haven't seen any of in what feels like FOREVER... certainly not in this story arc...

They showed a commercial that was a mish-mash of all the different animé on Toonami/Adult Swim... seeing the few clips they showed of InuYasha had me heart swell like it hadn't in a long time... not that it's been FOREVER since the last time I watched any of my DVD's (I think I blew close to $200 on those DVD's, money I had saved up on the side, within 3-5 month period, lol... but I have them, therefore I am grateful I'm able to look back).

For a number of reasons, I'd used the likeness of Sesshomaru as my avatar for a number of blogs I've operated over recent years. Around that time, I was starting to find a great deal of interest in him, and he kinda represented the next direction I was going in (blogging about the elusive musician Prince), having that same type of personality.

Anyways, I was basking in the glow of all those clips I hadn't seen in a long time and I brought out my iPod to listen to some animé themes I found online...
after putting the entirety of my fav animé soundtracks on my iPod, I had since removed all but three because, let's face it, I wasn't listening to them and they were taking up space for other music.
Luckily I left behind "Come"... I believe it's the 2nd to last ending theme used in InuYasha... it's one of those nighttime anthems I like to listen to before bed because the visual is rooted in darkness, night time imagery... very soothing and relaxing...
then right behind it was "Life" by Yui... one of the ending themes for Bleach... my god, the first time I heard it, I absolutely fell in love with it... they started using it during the latter part of the story arc where Ichigo is rescuing Rukia from execution in the Soul Society... when he actually starts to get around to achieving that objective

so anyway, between those two, I was feeling pretty good...
then any possibility of falling asleep was interrupted by the ice forming in my veins...
I double-checked online last night as well as this morning to make sure my complaint to Amazon held...

last September, I did an entry about someone who stole "White Tiger" and presented it as their own work... someone let me know about this, I made the complaint to Amazon and they had since removed the listing from their site (and I believe the rest of her works as well). I checked all through the Internet to submit the allegations if they weren't alleged already...
someone already got to her GoodReads account, posting on all of her "stories" that they were stolen

and for your viewing pleasure, I'll include someone's mention of the June Ashley scandal... she was either the person who clued me in or a friend of hers that was a victim
http://raicodoll.tumblr.com/post/32485276156
be sure to spread the word

I'd say that "thankfully" I took care of this before too much could be screwed up...
but it would seem none of the stuff she stole was good enough to receive any acclaim...
I don't think I saw a single one with more than a 2 star-review...
my story when it was on Amazon had maybe 3 positive reviews and the rest were very negative...

that has me seething on the inside in a "rolling in my grave" sort of way... I felt bad about the things they said about my story, that they didn't like it and, worse, it sounded like it was written by a kid... 
my ego took a hit, but perhaps it was for the best

I hadn't thought about this in quite a few months, but my peace of mind was immediately arrested... and I'm having trouble making bail... all proverbially, of course

One of these days, I do hope to make good on this story... but there's an overwhelming wealth of edits I still need to do...
as I'm sure I'd posted a couple of times, I want to avoid any sort of scandal, someone telling me that my material infringes on InuYasha and I shouldn't take complete credit for that...

I have a strong enough character (in her overall make-up, not so much as a person) that I can totally make good for her sake.
I thought this over last night when I was having trouble falling asleep.

How much of my original material, my fanfiction, could I change and/or would need to change for me to escape comparison?
One of the latest best sellers was "50 shades of grey"... which I have yet to read (and don't have any immediate plans to do so... but I wouldn't rule it out)... but originally started out as a fanfiction of "Twilight"... and nobody draws the comparisons anymore...
lol...
I'd say "If E.L. James can do it, I can do it too"... except I don't plan on turning my story into an X-rated S&M sex romp

The principle is the same though... if she can make a departure from a fanfiction and make it a success story, I can do the same...

My storyline is solid... for the most part...
if anything, I was thinking of changing a few character back stories and completely removing one villain from the equation...
so technically, some version of Sesshomaru will still be in the mix... but I'll have to make him less of what he is... he's a character where you can't be completely sure of how evil and bad he is because he has that duality, that grey area... he'll be more ruthless... and to eliminate Naraku from the equation, I might decide for my Sesshomaru character to have a partner or assistant who is versed in sorcery... he or she will make his/her way into the mix for one specific scene where Chihiro is possessed and under this possession or spell, rather, she'll fight Lucas (my Inuyasha character) to the death... or until love breaks the spell...

which leaves the matter of whether I need the Koga character in the story at all.. it's a little too much like the InuYasha story arc if I have all of his enemies in it in some form...
Koga was a great match for Chihiro in the fanfiction cuz they could stay toe-to-toe with one another in a fight and eventually they forge an alliance with one another...
which kinda goes bust at the end of things because Chihiro loses her life for Lucas

hmm... for that matter, do I need Anna (my version of Kagome) in there at all either?

all I really need from the InuYasha universe is him, (at minimum) one of his comrades in some form (Miroku was the most logic choice because he's good with healing too, something necessary for this story to work), and a villain (Sesshomaru is the best candidate, of course)

there's also the biological connotations... that's probably the biggest giveaway aside from Lucas's personality... Chihiro is shunned because she's a white tiger, something I conjured up as the result of her heritage... which is half-human...
same thing with Lucas because, like Inuyasha, he's half-human

I'd like to keep this as close to the source of inspiration as I can... in a "closest to the retail price  without going over" sort of way... 

I could easily take humans out of the equation and write that they were outcasts simply because they have white hair... I can blame it on albinism... or some genetic mutation... cuz albinism is white with red eyes and they have to have blue eyes
Either way, Chihiro's father has to be someone who exists outside her clan, her family... I penned that her father was a samurai that lacked in self-confidence and her mother helped train him after he saved her life... 

no, I don't think I have enough brain power to conjure up something more plausible than the idea I already have in place...

if I keep Anna in the story at all, the change I'd make is her about Bastian (my version of Miroku) being brother and sister... but I'm starting to think that it might be a good idea to take her out of the story to dispel similarities... 
meaning that I have Lucas's companion down to being like Miroku or Sango... but it's kinda hard to bring Sango back into the mix when I have things pretty solid with Miroku's likeness

in fact one things that Anna brought to the story was complication... and one that was kinda hard for me to wriggle out of...
Chihiro doesn't confess her feelings for Lucas until the end of the story... on her death bed... because she didn't want to get in the way of his relationship with Anna... and Anna (and for that matter, Kagome in my fanfiction) was so easy going with this the entire time... the impossible wriggle-room is that she's okay with Chihiro's developing relationship with Lucas rather than jealous or possessive... nobody is that perfect

I could work up a storyline bearing little similiarity to the original source material...
One of Inuyasha's deepest flaws that is a continued nuisance throughout the series is his love of Kikyo... whether in life or death, he's unable to get over her... when, meanwhile, he's in a relationship with Kagome, her reincarnation...
I took Kikyo out of the equation for my doctored-up fanfiction because it was one too many love interests...

I could pen up that Kagome was the one who died...
and it could work with the brother-sister idea I have with Anna & Bastian were brother and sister... although it could make for an uneasy alliance between him and Lucas... especially if it was Sesshomaru that killed her... ultimately she would have been targeted because of her relationship with him... 
the alliance could be made because Bastian wants to get revenge for Anna's death... it's a common goal for the two of them, but there's more than just this determining

Ultimately, it'll boil down to what I feel is right... making all these changes just to avoid myself getting pegged for plagiarizing... there's gotta be a little give and take if I'm really serious about trying to publish this thing...
and as of right now, I still have a long way to go. I started editing it, changing from 3rd POV to 1st... from Chihiro's POV... that included an ample backstory...

I can think of at least one character I can remove from the equation that I'd feel guilt-free about... InuYasha had the priestess Kaede, Kikyo's younger sister, whom Kagome met when she crossed over to the Feudal Era and learned a bit about Inuyasha and the type of world they live in with demons and about the sacred jewel... 
she only appeared in a couple scenes in my story under a different name... she told Chihiro about Lucas's past, what he was like and they exchanged a few bits of dialogue
she also sees her later on, after the story flashes forward, and updates her on how Lucas has been since the fateful night they all came into each other's company...

She's merely there to give some extra background information that the protagonist doesn't know and obviously can't divine clairvoyently...

I mean, what's more romantic... potentially... than coming in contact with a handsome stranger, on the brink of death... the only wrench in this is that Chihiro's young when she meets Lucas... Although I suppose a 5 year age difference wouldn't be a huge deal... 
It'd be interesting to revisit that part, if only to write that part again... 

It'd be hard to let go of Kagome/Anna... but to make things smoother, it might be necessary... 
Chihiro giving her life for Lucas is the ultimate sacrifice and this complicated relationship (beset by the relationship between Lucas and Anna) is the reason she has no regrets about it. Because she only wished for his happiness and her being there would only get in the way of them. 
hmm... come to think of it, that would be asking for too much... the only other time Lucas falling in love, the girl dies, and Chihiro dying would make it 2 for 2... talk about depressing...

why can't she be the one to melt his cold heart, who never saw any reason to put trust in anyone before meeting her? 

...
right now, I'm picturing an interesting scene... the day after Chihiro meets Lucas, heals his wounds and such, he wakes up to find himself alone but his close to fatal wounds being close to fully healed... then he's having a conversation with Bastian, musing about the interesting circumstance allowed... of course this can only be something I write on the side. It's Chihiro's story so it's not like this discussion can be in the same place as her narrative.

I still have a lot to figure out with this story, but I'm just saying it'd be nice if I can get things off the ground, there's more of me in there than my source of inspiration... a great, but tragic, love story
and her tragic flaw is that she lacked such self-confidence that she was afraid to love because she was afraid she'd never receive love in return.

..something like that...